Defensive Alignment

Nestled north of the border and shrouded in relative obscurity there has always been something fun about cheering for one of the teams on the short list for "Most Forgotten About In Baseball". Passionate but polite and gleefully reinforcing the Canadian stereotype of being laid back and easy-going, the Jays fanbase isn't generally known for being quick to anger unless you speak ill of one of a small handful of players.

It's not a long list but here's a quick primer about how to get a Jays fan to get on the defensive and quick.

Player #1 - John McDonald

How to start the riot: Mention any offensive statistic in existence 

Responses you can expect: "There's more to baseball than hitting! He's the best defensive infielder in the world! He's got a huge heart! Stop being a dick!" 

Explanation: We all love John McDonald. We really really do. He's got so much scrappy hustle and heart™ that we ran David Eckstein out of town for stealing JMcD's gimmick. If you're going to take someone to task for wearing a "McDonald 6" jersey get ready for a lecture about the finer points of glovework and a story or two about what a great guy he is. As my friend Sarah has been quoted saying: "If you don't love John McDonald, Fuck You."

Player #2 - Kyle Drabek

How to start the riot: Bring up the fact his WHIP is nearly 1.70 or that he's on pace to set a record for his inability to throw strikes at an MLB level. Or hey maybe mention that he was a part of the Roy Halladay trade. We can never hear about that enough.

Responses you can expect: "He's 24! He's got killer 'stuff'! He'll work it out! It'll be fine! Shut up! Stop talking about Roy Halladay or I'm going to punch you." 

Explanation: Please stop talking about Roy Halladay. We know Drabek was involved in that trade, Drabek knows he was involved in that trade, EVERYONE knows he was involved in that trade. We're doing our best to be reasonable about the expectations on this kid but damn, sometimes seeing him pitch is intoxicating. Intoxicating in that it starts off loud and fun but then the next thing you know you're throwing up and swearing to never drink again. Whether the opinion is to keep him with the big club and let him work through the motions, or to send him down to continue eating AA alive, the important thing to remember is to not let the Jays fan you're pestering know that you don't believe in his "stuff". His stuff is great. His stuff is unhittiable. His stuff cannot be contained or defined. His stuff is very rarely thrown for strikes.  

Player #3 - Travis Snider  

How To Start The Riot: Show video of him swinging at 2-strike off-speed pitches in the dirt. Say the name Mike Stanton. Mention that you think his progress might have been haltered by being brought up through the system way too quickly and that he benefited from playing in the hitter friendly PCL. Say that he's not ready for the MLB level. Prove that meats clash.  

Responses You Can Expect: "One handed home runs! Opposite field bombs! Mike Stanton is a gigantic freak aberration! Improved fielding! He was smashing AAA pitching when they brought him up! Baseball players slump! Meats Don't Clash!" 

Explanation: One day we all woke up on the internet and caring about baseball prospects became the most important thing you can do as a 'real' fan of your team. With this precedent set Jays fans turned to the only player in the whole system that we'd been told to care about by Keith Law. I hate to get all factual with you here, but as a card-carrying Sniderville native I have to tell you that it is a complete 100% inevitability that Travis Snider will one day hit 35 home runs per year and lead the Jays to several AL East titles. Snider is the inspiration for this entire post, as I was watching last week's live Getting Streamed On vlogcast from the guys at Getting Blanked and the level of snark that emanated from someone doubting Travis' ability was hilariously palpable. It should be noted that this is the camp I find myself in as well. I won't stand for you doubting Travis Snider in my presence. Travis Snider is going to be fine. We're going to be fine. Everything is fine. Stop worrying. 

Player #4 - Jose Bautista 

How To Start The Riot: PED's. Brady Anderson. Unsustainable performance. Due for a reality check. He's not Barry Bonds.  

Responses To Expect: "He changed his swing and stance! He didn't find the singular magic PED that turns you into Babe Ruth! He's finally gotten a chance to get regular playing time!"  

Explanation: Y'all jealous as hell. 

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There you have it. A quick and painless plan to make any Jays fan get their back up against the wall. Feel free to let me know if I missed anyone that gets you totally defensive or, if you'd like, prove my point on any number of these by getting really defensive in the comments about how you don't get defensive at all about any of them.

{Follow Archi on twitter here}
{Photo courtesy Bojuka Self Defense Canada}

Holiday Cheer!

You would think that someone who first wrote about their fondness for Brandon Morrow in June of 2008 would be excited at the prospect of acquiring such a stud. When that stud comes at the expense of my favorite enigma, I'm less than impressed.

Consider the past seven days. Two of my favorite players jettisoned from the team I follow with a third signing a very team-friendly extension in another town (an extension he never would've signed here, but I digress.) If the Jays do include Zach Stewart in the Morrow deal (it looks like they won't. COTF!) then I'm not quite sure what I'll do with myself. Sure, Josh Roenicke could replace League's production in the 'pen, but he certainly won't satisfy my curiosity or desire to be entertained.

Style is funny thing, especially in baseball. Roy Halladay and Brandon League couldn't possibly contrast any more, yet I held them in the same perverse regard. There's little chance of any current Blue Jay taking up the role of confirmed anomaly. I appreciate what AA's trying to do (fuck with me?) and my fandom is not in doubt, but it's tough to imagine my slavish devotion to laundry being stretched any further.

Which is to say nothing of my sliderule's favorite pitch f/x subjects. Who's left? Who's interesting? I'll look at Morrow more closely sometime soon, and I think Brett Cecil has a chance to be my next favorite. But there's no replacing the clinical Halladay and the fit-to-be-tied League.

Instead of morosely staring at my navel and feeling sorry for myself, I'll instead look back at some of my favorite Brandon League posts.

• Brandon League was much, much better than you realize in 2009. Wins are horseshit, even when League gets them.
  
• Documenting League's ownage of the Yankees.
  
• One of the many times I nearly lost my religion.
  
• I had big expectation of League in 2009 and he nearly matched them.

It's been a slice Brandon. Here's hoping you can acquire number 22 in Seattle without too much difficulty. Now on to the self pity!

First Round Fleshbot

Everybody relaxxx. The randomly selected quote from one of Roy Halladay's advisers claims Halladay won't approve a trade once Spring Training is under way. While this may be (almost assuredly) false, we don't have to worry. See even if the Jays don't trade or re-sign Roy Halladay, they'll get draft picks for him! Picks are valuable you see. You turn nothing into something.

Except draft picks probably aren't nearly as valuable as we think. They definitely aren't as valuable as we want them to be. They say the baseball draft is an inexact science, different from the NBA or NFL drafts where young studs are widely acknowledged and impact their new teams almost immediately.

Except the baseball draft is a VERY exact science. Draft in the top half of the first round or else the talent is gone. Period. Just because the NCAA hasn't parlayed the luscious ting of aluminum bats into a national TV deal with a catchy name doesn't mean the future stars and contributors aren't as clear as day.

Look at the incredible amount of research done on the draft. Players taken outside the top 20 provide 0.24 WAR per year on average. Over 6 years that is a whopping 1.5 WAR. That, well, sucks. That is anything but a sure thing. Or consider this graph relating draft position to lifetime WAR. Any player taken outside the first round is lucky to provide the equivalent of two league-average years for their entire career.

The Jays own raft of picks in the up-coming draft. Is it a great opportunity to restock the minors? Of course. But hoping for the Jays to draft the entire 2015 starting lineup is nothing more than wishful thinking. The fact of the matter is any picks outside the top 10 or 15 end up being mostly trivial.

The teams look at the picks financially, fans can't or shouldn't waste their time with that. We should do some fanmath. Consider the emotionally investment you have in Roy Halladay, now create a dollar figure for it. What are the chances you will end up that invested in a future sandwich pick? Pretty slim. Subtract the resentment we'll all feel for whomever comes back for Halladay and I feel like we (I?) can't win. The appreciation and enjoyment we get from watching Roy Halladay pitch is a sunk cost. We're just going to swallow it.

So yeah, get mad that Halladay is on his way. We should be mad. A player that, by all accounts, loves playing in Toronto and always has is on his way out. Get mad at thought of him wearing pinstripes or a pink B hat because of the inability of his supporting cast to get him over the hump. Get madder still at the thought of douchebags booing him because of it. Looking on the bright side is one thing; failing to reflect on what we're losing is another, far too callous for even my tastes. We'll miss you Roy, even when we've still got you.

All Star Break Offers No Break from Incessant Hand-Wringing

Holy shit. Enough. Three more days of hystarical overreactions, of baseless speculation, or woe-is-me-ing? I think I'll pass. Should we be taking this opportunity to realize how lucky we are to have Roy Halladay now and the past 10 years? Shouldn't we celebrate his becoming just the third Jay to start the All Star game, meaningless as it may be? I can't take any more of this horseshit, from either side.

The first letter from Griff's "emergency Halladay bonusbag - now with more D-bags" was all I needed to see before quickly closing the tab.

Could you tell J.P. Ricciardi for me that if he trades Roy Halladay, I will never attend another Blue Jays game? And no, I don't care if the package he gets includes Tim Lincecum, Ryan Braun, and Hanley Ramirez put together.

Now nobody likes Roy Halladay more than I do, nobody else puts for the same crazed "ironic detachment" front like I do, but even I wouldn't suggest that trading Roy Halladay would be the end of my Blue Jays fandom. What did this clown from Oshawa do before Halladay arrived? Apparently nothing, as Roy Halladay is the beginning and end of his attachment to the team. It is this type of hyperbole and idiocy that keeps JP's job from being possible. In this fan's eyes, trading the franchise cornerstone is akin to committing commercial and public relations suicide. It just isn't so.

The news of Scott Rolen being quietly shopped cuts me to the core, but that doesn't mean I'll be off the Jays forever. The lack of internal replacements will hurt the team on the field, and the lack of greatness before my eyes will be impossible to replace, but don't fit me for a Red Sox hat quite yet. This is part of the deal. If you're a sportsfan, you take the ups with the downs. The sense of entitlement is sickening. Get a life.

It Gets Worse

Update: here's the link to the show. Farraway goes off 3/4 of the way through.

Speaking of entitlement and idiocy, I was unfortunate enough to hear the WORST quasi-populist appeal to the lowest common denominator of my young life on the Fan this afternoon. Sports Director Doug Farraway went off on a thoughtless tirade clearly and cynically aimed at firing up the kind of people angered by other men's successes.

With Gary Bettman's salary figures going public, the Director saw fit to tee off on Bud Selig and his exorbinant salary. His ridiculous platform included some relativistic gems like "ZOMG! The President of the USA only makes $400 000 yet Bud makes $18 mil!! " and quoting at length from Selig's wikipedia page. Really? I won't even address the obvious differences in the public and private sectors or the editorial morass of Wikipedia, but Farraway really got going when he stated baseball is "suffering" from the steroid scandals and cancelled World Series. Yup, the owners currently watching their franchise values approach 10 digits are clearly suffering and should be quick to oust Selig. Yeah, the owners must hate the wildcard for the extra TV and gate revenues it generates. The players are struggling too. Not to mention MLB as a business entity itself, with its incredibly valuable advanced media arm and wildly successful new television station.

The entire exercise was such a waste of time and energy. It was so blatant and insincere, I had a hard time listening. His elimination of American and National league offices and presidents as well as separate umpiring entities really did the game a disservice, eh Dougie? I know I long for the days of petty provinciality and warring factions among the game's guardians. The blind eye he turned to steroids? I remember so fondly when you broke the story to tear the cover off baseball's hidden shame. I'm sure were you sports director in 1998 you'd have sent a TEAM of reporters chasing the mere sniff of a one-on-one interview with Mark McGwire's bat boy, gardener, shoe polisher or jockstrap washer. High farce as the steroid policy may be, he DID toughen it from "none" to "some."

This is how inane this rant was: I'm forced to defend Bud Selig! He may not do much right in the fan's eyes, but he certainly made a lot of people rich. Rich people LOVE being rich, and will often give you some of their riches in hopes you will continue to make them rich. Which is why Bud makes a lot of money and will continue to do so. If you're going to attack him head of radio station guy, maybe ask him for some cash so you can rent a leg to stand on.

I Don't Even Know What I Believe Anymore

More to the point, I don't even know what I think anymore. While I appreciate the translation services to improve my understanding of JP's lies, and I can understand where the die-hards are coming from, I'm conflicted. When I read something aimless and critical of JP without reason other than sheer frustration, I get angry. What do you expect him to do?

I agree with Geoff Baker, optics are key in Toronto. The baseball fanbase in this city is fickle at best and hopelessly out of touch at worst. But are you willing to sell the farm in a sellers market? If the rumours are true, would you suggest trading David Purcey (middle of the rotation guy that he is) and Brandon League (freakish closer-in-waiting) for 2 months of Raul Mondesi Ibanez with hope of picks in the end? Making a do-or-die desperation trades with 5 teams to climb in the standings? The majority of teams are guarding their prospects like never before, hoarding them in the name of fiscal responsibility, armed with the realization that these deals rarely warrant any real return.

I'm not entirely comfortable with my role as JP defender. I understand the rationale behind most moves, but this team is stuck between stations. I can't really see them making a serious "push" to make the playoffs next year or ever. This business is content to float along, make money and not upset the league enough to stop the equalization payments. Winning titles simply isn't the priority that "winning enough to avoid consumer confidence issues" has become. Just as Rogers won't lower the astronomical data rates for 3G wireless customers, they won't keep increasing their baseball costs if they are already seeing a positive return. The payroll is reasonably high, but returns are reasonably low.

Is JP to blame? Is he but a victim, caught between the fans expectations and ownership's eye for the bottom line? I certainly give him a hard time, mostly because of his pompous, arrogant persona. Has he done a bad job? Not necessarily. I wish that the Carlos Delgado situation was handled differently, that the money Ted ponied up the year after his departure could have kept him a Blue Jay until this day. I don't like Eckstein, but bringing him in made sense. Not trading him and other veterans currently bench surfing seems to be a waste of everyone's time; but C-level prospects and AAA roster filler don't help anybody, nor does it entice potential low risk free agents to come to Toronto.

I guess it boils down to the nature of my fandom. While liberated in some ways, I am mostly a dogmatic Blue Jay fan. I like the Jays, and that is that. It isn't going to change, but it isn't the essence of my being. I'd like for them to be better, I'd like to know they are working toward something positive, but I will not uproot my support and move it to a more "successful" team. So yeah, they didn't make any moves, and they are essentially out of the race. JP knows what he is doing, but what he is doing is making Rogers money. Whatever.

In Brief
I'm back at Walkoff Walk this weekend, keeping my eye on all the debuts and hot weekend action. With Jason Bay going to Boston not Tampa, Rocco is clear to be the right handed bat/right fielder in September. Jays in Texas, I fear, will get ugly.