It's Just that Easy

As the Jays take a 1-0 lead into the bottom of the first one can only imagine this thing is going to reach ten games. Doesn't it have to?

Fuck Jim Thome is old. I feel like he's been in the league since I was thirteen. 1991 was a long long time ago. If Carlos Quentin's season-ending injury isn't one of the stupidest fucking things you've ever heard; you must not have heard what his dumb ass did. Nick Swisher is so bad it makes me want to cry and Paul Konerko isn't much better. Either the Central is a fucking joke or the White Sox have come out on the fortunate end of a lot of shitty baseball games.

Is there enough calender for the Jays to make a real run at the post-season? Probably not, but it sure is fun watching them reel these wins off one after one. I know finishing third ahead of the Yankees doesn't count for shit, but I won't hesitate to remind A-Rod every chance I get. Motherfucker.

Falling Sickness

Sometimes the universe works in funny ways. Last night the Jays were rained out. Last night I stubbornly ate at Tortilla Flats again, so my insides came raining out all night and day. Guess that means I'm not going to work.

Guess that means I'll have to live blog the make up game! 2pm! Dial us up and we'll watch AJ Burnett throw fastballs in anger, together.

1:49pm: There is some concern that I may die halfway through this thing. For now, I'm eating plain, salsa-free Tostitos and drinking water. I've got plenty of Coke Zero at the ready and Jays Connected is getting me prepared. Prepared for banality, you should do the same.

1:55: More Connected observations. Is Evanka Osmak hot? I'm not convinced. She certainly isn't ugly, but hot? The Killers should try to write an entire song, not just three hooks in a row.

2:00: No chance of a rainout today. Here are your lineups, Cito unsurprisingly makes no changes. A.J. Burnett goes against Javier Vasquez, who is better known as A.J. Vasquez. Expect lots of Ks, lots of pitches with the potential for lots of taters. Darrin Fletcher joins Jamie Campbell in the booth in a move destined to piss me off. Fletcher is a sub-standard broadcaster in every way. BUT HE PLAYED FOR THE 'SPOS, GIVE'EM A JOB.

2:05: It took 30 seconds for Fletcher to piss me off. Sum Sumpin indeed Darrin. Johnny Mac's hitting 2nd today, an indefensible move by Cito. MacDonald walks in an indefensible move by Vasquez. Rios yanks one into left field, an event Jamie Campbell uses to mention the 8 game winning streak for the 20th time. This will be a long afternoon.

2:12: Vernon Wells hits a LOLer to the mound but hustles to stay out of the double play. Runners on the corners for Adam Lind, who bounces it right to Pauly Konerko to end the inning. I still can't believe that John MacDonald is hitting second.

2:15: Professionalism at its finest! Campbell has to drop a "We're on" as Fletcher chats mindlessly. The Pale Hose have a 500 dingerman and a 600 dingerman in the lineup on the same day. Who knew Pablo Ozuna has had such a prolific career? John MacDonald justifies his place in the batting order with a nice play to get the Scorer's Best Friend.

2:21: I'm considering seeking out Jerry to save me from Fletcher. His delightful back-catcher story was agony. Nothing but pain. A.J. Pierzynski's punchable face grounds out with a satisfying expletive. Jermaine Dye succumbs to AJ's might hammer. 0-0 after one.

2:25: WGN has let me down. I don't want Maury, I want the Hawk! Overbay is set down by a nasty Vasquez breaking ball. I worry for the pitch counts today. Alexei Ramirez is used to Cuban baseball, where right fielders are considered too bourgeoisie. He runs halfway to Milwaukee to make a pointlessly nice catch. Zaun also swings at the first pitch and pops out to third. Fuck you Lloyd, what the fuck do you know about pitch counts? Inning over.

2:30: "Mr Incredible" flies out to Vernon Wells in centerfield. Jim Thome is huge, and a free agent this year. His .366 OPB makes me think he isn't quite done yet, but please J.P., stay away. Another K for Burnett, he makes Konerko look sufficiently foolish. Word is you lay off his curveball, cause he can't throw it for strikes. Easier said than done I suppose. Ken Griffey's swing is a sexy sight but without power to the gaps, he's just another tease. End of 2, still no score.

2:37: Travis Snider needs to lose the goatee. I'm sure he thinks it gives his face shape, but it just doesn't work. The Future strikes out on a fastball low and away. Fletcher compares the 08 Jays to the '98 Jays. Jose Conseco and Roger Clemens beg to differ. Gregg Zaun is into though, he sees a lot of himself in Darrin Fletcher. Doctor Inglett feebly grounds out to Vasquez, who looks equal to AJ's contract-fueled greatness today. Johnny Mac strikes out on a fastball 1-2 fastball right down Broadway. I think they're on to his offensive failings. White Sox will go and sit down, no score.

2:45: Alexei Ramirez missed the last series in Toronto because of his questionable immigration status. Unquestionable is his standing as an excellent, power hitting second basemen. The Jays have one of those, I hope he'll be back. AJ plunks Ramirez on the elbow, bringing Swisher to the plate. Note to Travis Snider: if this is the kind of player you become, I won't be upset. I promise.

2:50: That ended poorly. Dirty Thirty taps one to nobody, but AJ Burnett just dropped the underhanded throw from Inglett. Ugly. 2 on, none out. Juan Uribe is attempting to give himself up in the third inning. You see that Jays bullpen, that is respect! Uribe strikes out, hopefully not a future Blue Jay Orlando Cabrera comes to the plate. AJ Burnett's curve has Cabrera shouting DIABLO on the walk back to the dugout. If Pierzynski wasn't a ball player, he definitely be a highway cop. Not a real, beat walking, difference making cop. An OPP tickethammer of the assbaggingest order. Johnny Mac can hit wherever he wants so long as he keeps feeding my boner like that. Inning over, crisis averted.

3:00: Fletcher and Campbell wax on about the shape of the rotation with two doubleheaders this week. If Doctor Decision doesn't go on short rest, I'll be shocked. Ws = $. Cito must be doing something right as they show Scott Rolen sitting between the boss and Butterfield. Don't lose Rolen Cito, you'll lose the whole clubhouse! Rios walks for for the first time in September. Wells reaches out and bounces into a 3-6-1 double play. I'm not happy. Neither is AJ Pierzynski. He angrily points to the ground and fires the ball back to Vasquez after he missed with his curveball. Even his teammates must hate him. Lind strikes out on some pure gas. My curdled guts are jealous. 0-0 headed for the bottom of 4.

3:10: Joe Inglett had Jermaine Dye played perfectly. The groundball up the middle turns into a routine out. Jim Thome hits the ball a long way, but Travis Snider looked more like he was catching a bus than a deep fly ball. Two down. Paulie walks on four pitches to bring up the Ghost of Junior. Poor old Griffey is Burnett's 4th victim by hammerdeath.

3:15: Overboner! Lyle Overbay doubles as Lyle Overbay is want to do. Swisher nearly kills himself crashing into the left field wall. Professional hitter Scott Rolen slashes one into the seats. Were any humans actually attending this game, they'd be dead. Rolen goes down on strikes because he has as much of a chance getting a good fastball as I do calling Darrin Fletcher just to chat. Gregg Zaun heaves his bat into the crowd. Chet & Hunter in the front row pose for the crowd with all their teeth in place. You let me down again Zaun, until you walk to bring up Travis Snider with two on. Snider flares one to Cabrera for the second out. Snider hasn't hit the ball as hard the last few days in my eyes. Adjustment time? Inglett pops out to end the threat. Still no score

3:30; Day night doubleheaders are a crime. All these people actually have to leave, repark and then re-enter your sacred ballpark? That sucks. Alexei Ramirez is listed at 185 pounds, which I estimate to be 30 pounds too many. Dude is stringbeaned. He bounces one over AJ Burnett but right at Inglett, one down. The count is full for the second time this inning; never forget how great Roy Halladay is. Swisher pops out, South Siders hate him all the same. Slappy Uribe slaps one into Inglett's glove. Inning over. No score - NOTHING ELSE TO REPORT. SHHHHHHHHHHH

3:42: Two quick fly balls mean two quick outs. Johnny Mac gave one a Johnny Mac sized ride. He'd have to bulk up to have warning track power. Wells legs out an infield single that I wish was ruled an error. Cabrera made a nice play but a bad throw. You can blow me with an ordinary effort Cabrera. Adam Lind hits a line drive to right center for a base hit that advances Wells to third. Overbay is battling, fouling off fastball after fastball. Finally a breaking ball from Vasquez, but it travels all of 58 feet. Full Count! OVERBONERRR!!!!! Vasquez misses badly with a fastball down and in and Overbay sends it crashing into the right field fence. Two runs score, 2-0 Blue Jays! Rolen pops out to end the inning with the damage already done. 2-0

3:55: Jamie Campbell loves the aged. His daily shout out to an old person is better than him talking about whatever else might be going on. Which is nothing. Cabrera pastes one at Rolen, who'd like to have it back but will go as a basehit. The douche-er of the two AJs tries to bunt the runner along, but Gregggg throws out Cabrera at second. One down. THE WORLD IS CRASHING DOWN AROUND ME! First Scott Rolen doesn't hoover the ball up at third, now Johnny Mac tries to get cute and muffs a sure double play. Two on for Very Large Thome. Now a crossed up Gregg Zaun allows the ball to bounce to the backstop. The runners advance, taking the double play out of the picture. Ballsacks! Thome swings at a 3-0 pitch and hits a fly to left. Snider makes a strong (?) throw that takes a big bounce, allowing Cabrera to score. 2-1 Jays. Two out for Konerko, he of the big contract and minimal production. That seems to happen quite often in baseball. After much discussion and a waste-of-time change up, Paulie flies out to left center. Inning over, no-no over, shut out over. Jays still lead 2-1.

4:08: Javier Pitchcount is going to sit down for the day in favor of Horacio Ramirez. White Sox fans HATE Ramirez so Jays fans should be happy. Gregg Zaun gets his other batting helmet on, the one that makes him suck terribly. Zaunie lines one to Swisher in left, right in front of some Ottawa Senators riding stationary bikes in the bullpen. Jamie Campbell decides to tell us that Travis Snider's mom died a year ago today. The kid is 20, which is pretty fucking sad. This is just his fourth at bat in the Bigs against left handed pitching. He looks pretty going, going with stuff thrown away from him. He works a well-earned walk. Inglett flies out after far too many throws over to first. I can't see Snider running now or ever. He's big. Jamie Campbell insists that Wassermann's is a great story. I don't know that I agree. Darrin Fletcher just called him a hayseed! I'm not much more interested. MacDonald grounds out to short as Darrin Fletcher was insisting that some of his best friends are black. They're stretching in Chicago with the Jays up 2-1.

4:25: The comments seem to have died down, likely due to the Tao returning to work. I understand it was his turn to rake the serenity garden. Griffey bounces into the shifted defense for the first run. A hard-hit ball comes up on Johnny Mac for his second error of the day. Scutaro knowingly nods from the bench. Slinky Alexei is on with one out. Ramirez steals second with the throw going into centerfield. He and MacDonald get tangled up so the Cuban stays put. Sportsnet fucked up the count so I'm wondering why Swisher walked away after taking a 3-1 strike. Seems his the second out. Cito comes out to speak with AJ, likely to tell him that his agent is on the phone. He says get the win or you're fucked. Uribe gets pwned on three pitches. As commenter Ilovepalehoseandpalehos said: Fuck Uribe. Inning over, as it Burnett's day I assume. The shadows are creeping over the plate so I really hope Brandon League gets the nod. Good luck seeing that gas in the dark.

4:35: Rios goes quietly on a groundout and Wells flies out to right. Two quick outs in the eighth. Wassermann makes way for Boone Logan, which is my gay stripper name. I'll be performing at the Manhole and Cock of the Walk this weekend, please tip generously. Campbell lied to me as Matt Thornton has come on to pitch. That is my female stripper name. I'll be performing deep inside the LadyCave this weekend too. Lind goes down faster than your girlfriend in the VIP room at Ladycave to end the inning.

4:45: Scott Shutter Downs emerges to fire from the shadows. Ra's Al Ghul is not impressed. The one knock on Downs is he walks too many, which he promptly does to Cabrera. Luckily A.J. Pierzynski can't bunt properly, allowing Downs to force out Cabrera at second. You might be gritty but fundamentals are important man. Barajas is in to catch, might we get a Thigpen sighting this evening? Jermaine Dye base hit to centerfield brings Thome up with two runners on for the second time today. BONERBONERBONER. Johnny Mac and Inglett turn a great double play to end the inning, thanks in no small part to Jim Thome's advanced age. 2-1 Jays going to the ninth.

4:55: The situation no longer calls for a situational lefty; so Matt Thornton's strike out of Overbay means his day is done. Mike MacDougal, former Royals closer turned Triple A roster filler turned September call up is on to pitch for the Sox. He used to be more arms and legs coming to the plate, now he's just a regular old shitballer. Promptly falling behind Scott Rolen draws the ire of the broad-shouldered denizens. Rolen grounds out to third to bring Bah Rah Has to the plate. He singles to left before I can think of an insult about him sucking. Good on you Rod. The cameras catch Vernon Wells beating on Alex Rios in the dugout. JP approves. BJ Ryan is warming up in the bullpen; Jays fans are going to leave work now instead of riding the Ryancoaster. Travis Snider singles to right which moves Rod to third. Insurance runs at this point are like wearing a helmet when you skydive: You're still going to get fucked up but you might survive it. Joe Inglett singles to left to plate Barajas!! 3-1 Jays! A nice curve by MacDougal makes MacDonald look like, well, John MacDonald at the plate. Three down, on comes BJ to face Konerko, Griffey and Ramirez. 3-1 Jays

5:05: Hold on to your privates, BJ Ryan is on so the Jays are on the top step. A 5 pitch walk is a great way to start. Let's get the smoke and mirrors out Bo Junior, this would hurt. Another 5 pitch walk, another pinch runner and this officially sucks. Will Ramirez bunt? Why bother? The pitcher doesn't look like he can get anybody out and you want to help him? Alexei Ramirez and BJ Ryan conspire for a strikeout. The baseball book works in the Jays favour this time. Nick Swisher steps in as my heart steps into my throat. HOLY SHIT! Swisher winds himself into knots in falling behind 0-2. BJ throws a nice slider (his first well-executed pitch) for the K and now only Slappy Uribe remains. Slappy slaps it to Ryan and the jam done!!! All is forgiven BJ! Hooray for handing outs to the opponents!!!

3-1 final, only two White Sox hits. That will about do it. Thanks for stopping by and for all the comments. The winners of 9 in a row will face these same White Sox tonight. You can watch it yourself, I'm done with glogging for today. Good looking out.

Second City to None

With the Jays starting a "big" series in Chicago against the division-leading White Sox, I thought it would be sporting to have one of Chicago's finest give us his perspective on the Jays, Canada and the world at large. Andrew Reilly of The 35th Street Review has done that and so much more. Mr. Reilly invited me to return the favor on his site, but don't let that foolhardy decision take away from the excellence below. Enjoy.

Eastern Avenue Freeze-Out

Several years and more than a few jobs ago, I had the opportunity to travel to Toronto on a business trip which eventually just degenerated into maxing out my per diem at that bar on Queen Street whose name escapes me. These were the glory days of a non-failing American economy, and I remember very specifically that the lead story on CablePulse 24 was the Canadian dollar trading at seventy cents American. And at the time, that seemed about right. Not economically, but contextually: for all intents and purposes, Toronto felt like seventy percent of Chicago.

This isn't a knock on the great city of Toronto, nor Canada, nor its people, nor its baseball team which I'll get to in a moment, but rather an observation that the good citizens of America's Hat had figured out a way to perfectly replicate roughly seventy percent of the life we know south of the border - but only the good seventy percent.

You have a subway system, but it's quiet, reliable and mostly void of homeless people using the corner seats as a toilet after dark. You have esteemed educational institutions, but they're actually open to those qualified to attend. You have a remarkably sound, relatively stable economy and financial system, but it's based on a currency that sounds like play money. You have guns, but you don't pull them on each other in traffic. You have Aerosmith, but they're actually Rush*.

Growing up as a White Sox fan, there were several teams I would come to hate. The Cubs. Oakland. Supposedly the Orioles should be in that group, but I was too young to grasp the enormity of the failure that was the 1983 American League Championship Series. Of course the next time the Sox made the playoffs, they had the misfortune of running into arguably the least-heralded baseball juggernaut ever assembled.

Everyone remembers Joe Carter and that one great moment whose image graces the right side of this fine website, but people forget the Blue Jays also employed the services of a current Hall of Famer, three future members and four players debatably worthy of enshrinement on the 1992 and 1993 rosters alone. The 1992 staff boasted two of the 15 pitchers to ever throw a perfect game in the modern era**.

Ah yes, 1993. That was a good time to come of age as a Sox fan. Every player on that team was doing exactly what they were brought aboard to do, and they were all doing it well - in some cases as well as they ever would. Staff ace Jack McDowell won the Cy Young while a not-yet-despised-by-fans-media-and-teammates Frank Thomas was the AL's Most Valuable Player. They took the division by eight games but then, well, you know what happened. We'll just say it ended well for you and leave it at that.

So why don't Sox fans hate the Blue Jays? You ruined Bo, repeatedly embarrassed one of the best pitchers in franchise history***, elevated some of the lamest of Sox regulars to the status of playoff hero by default while the stars' bats mostly stayed home, then kicked us in the throat just in time for our owner to engineer the strike in 1994.

(Two of the outfielders from that 1993 Jays squad, by the way, later became our locally mocked general manager and nationally mocked color commentator. So thanks for that as well.)

The answer points back to that seventy percent approach. You briefly had a baseball empire, but without the need for revisionist history or an arrogant fanbase spreading the word. You beat the hell out of everyone for a while, but never left a bruise. You killed the White Sox as a team in the early part of the decade, but fled the scene just in time to let their later organizational moves make it look like a suicide.

Even now, with all the talk of certain other teams and players in the American League East, no one notices the Jays would surely be in the hunt for the West or Central titles and easily atop the National League West. In any normal season (i.e. one where the Rays are terrible) you would be looking at the pennant race, not away from it. The Yankees getting hurt is bigger news than the Jays' bullpen putting the hurt on. Roy Halladay dominating the American League is somehow less of a story than Manny Ramirez fleeing from it. Shaun Marcum is having a great season and might as well not even exist.

Meanwhile, back here in Chicago, the Sox need to win this series, badly, or to at least not lose as much as they seem to enjoy losing these days. Win and loss columns aside, I'll be the first to say the two teams are not so far apart talent-wise but the last to say this won't be a pivotal four days for the team on the South Side.

But if this series turns ugly, well, we probably won't even notice. We'll blame Carlos Quentin's wrist or the Mariners or the Indians or some other AL punching bag the Sox should've hit harder, all the while overlooking that time in September where they lost to a comparably decent team. The standings suggest the Jays are irrelevant, which means we fans here in Chicago will assume the Sox can win without playing and gain ground without trying.

You have a winner, but it's not the kind anyone equates with winning. You have a good team, but not the kind anyone thinks is any good. You have a supposedly inferior franchise whom the White Sox have yet to beat this season. It could all end in total disgrace and we would still attribute it to anything besides actually losing a disproportionate number of games to the Toronto Blue Jays.

This probably sounds like a stupid way of thinking, and maybe it is, but that doesn't take away from you being a terrible sporting neighbor, Canada. You're slowly destroying us and don't even have the decency to let us know about it.

Well played, good sirs. Well played.



(*) Of salesmen!

(**) Wells' was the superior game if only for its reliance on so much big fat guy power.

(***) Not just the shellacking handed to McDowell in the ALCS, but also the on-field beating at the hands of Hard-hittin' Mark Whiten in 1991. Whiten would later thump four home runs in a single game with the Reds in 1993. What a guy.

All's Well that Ends Hilariously

What a beautiful script it was. Rocco hits a pinch hit home run to bring the Rays within one, I have my fun but the Jays still win. Throw a couple strikes, induce a couple ground balls, we all go home happy. When you remove the vital throwing strikes term from the equation, the script gets muddy. Suddenly wacky stuff happens, bases are stolen, balls are booted and saves are blown.

If anyone would, I will give a lot of credit to Rocco for hitting a decent pitch (I'm calling in Mockingbird support here) a long fucking way. Down and on a tee perhaps, but it look really down. It was supposed to be away, so Bo Junior is to blame for leaving it inside.

The Jays bullpen was shaky all afternoon, refusing to do what they do best (not walk people.) Scott Downs only threw 3 strikes? But none of that shit matters if GREGG ZAUN is going to hit game winning tetra tots!!!! Rocco damn near scaled the wall to bring it back! BONER OVERLOAD

From Feast to Famine

The Jays change gears tonight, switching from beating up on the Twins (6-0 this year) to the vaunted Rays, against whom they have 4-11 record this year. Despite losing 2 of the 3 at home to the Yanks, the Rays just keep on winning.

If momentum is only as good as tomorrow's starting pitcher, than the Jays are flush with the stuff. I'm quite confident that Roy Halladay wants to exact more revenge on the Rays, 3 losses to one team is unacceptable. He takes on Total Eclipse of the Sonnanstine, who's beaten the Jays twice this year but hasn't looked great doing it.

Equally unacceptable is my continuing performance over at Walkoff Walk; yet they continue to ask me back. The fools! They'll catch on soon enough. Last week we had two shrimps in one night, what will this weekend hold? One thing is for sure, I'll be watching Rocco on Sunday from the best seats I can steal. I'll be the guy giving him a standing ovation every time he comes to the plate. The picture above is of Chuck Ragan, he of Hot Water Music fame. He has a new bearded whiskeyman roots record, and it is alright. But Hot Water Music were pretty great, seemingly putting out a new 7" every six weeks; each was better than the last! I'm old, but not quite old enough for soul-searching blues.

Bow Down

Imagine how good this kid will be when he actually has the opportunity to pull the ball? It's insane really. Going up the middle, going away, taking "what's given to him" and doing something with it. With two strikes and everything. Amazing.

A quick nod to another bad ass. Amy Rosewater of ESPN did a nice piece about Jim Abbot today, on the anniversary of his no-hitter. That is all kinds of bad ass. He's working as a spokesmen for disabled people in America. Good for him.

Even more Badassery: Thursday's Version of Wednesday's with JP!

First off, during his trumpet solo at the top of the show with Wilner, JP dropped the magic words Meaningful Baseball in September. Good work JP, always with the hard sell. Five wins a row, will the JP be served the poo-poo platter? JP stated after the show that this was the best show he's been on in Toronto, giving me only JP's lies to work with. Without the low-hanging fruit I'm nothing.

Before the callers Wilner tries to ask why Kevin Mench is here pinch run, something Buck Coats is far more capable of. JP seems to think Mikey wanted them both here, and balks at the thought of paying both men. Gimmie my Coat JP!

Guy that obviously hates JP, yet wants to know he runs his business: I'm going to go ahead and ramble on and on and on and on and on, but basically it's like this JP: you have the audacity to stick by the players you draft and invest millions of dollars in. Don't insult my intelligence JP, why the fuck do you do that?

Man without the benefit of hindsight, and occasionally foresight: Honestly, what do you want from me? What could I possibly say here that would sate you thirst for blood? You people ride me about giving Wilkerson & Mench jobs, then claim calling up Snider is just PR and too early. If I call up one of my AAAA draft picks, I'm just favoring "my guys" and trying to look better. My job is hard, my head hurts. JP then states that Cliff Lee will win the Cy Young this year. What, no support for Roy? What about A.J "LULZ" Burnett?

Guy that probably has a blog I'll never read: I have a healthy attitude, and get it to a degree, but that shouldn't stop me from prattling on endlessly about players still under contract. STOP YELLING AT ME WILNER!

JP Riccardi, horn tooter: We've got lots of pitching, and we sure as shit aren't giving it up. JP runs some misdirection about signing a bat, meaning he surely will.

Guy that is smarter than me: Guys with bad mechanics get hurt, no? The young guys that aren't bad motherfuckers like Travis Snider sucked a little this year, are they going to get better?

JP wrote Two Princes: BJ Ryan's mechanics aren't horrifically bad, they're deceptive. Marcum didn't go on the DL, ditch his cutter, and change his arm slot because of wear and tear related to faulty mechanics; he's got attitude problems! Casey Janssen once fell off the mound, throwing a pitch into the dugout, but he's smoooth. I DRAFT SO GOOD, MY KIDS MAKE THE LATE ROUNDS PICKS WHEN THEY AREN'T SHAKING DOWN THE PLAYERS.

JP and Wilner proceed to send David Eckstein the kind of love letter that drove me crazy in the spring. Let's move on.

Great Big Pasty White Hope's biggest fan: Travis Snider: good prospect or the greatest prospect?

JP Riccardi stars in Glengarry Glen Ross: He's a GOOD outfielder too. GOOD. Wilner mentions Cito wanting to play him in right field this weekend. What the fuck? I didn't authorize that! Grrrr.

Can't see the forest for the trees: Remember when you drafted college guys to restock your depleted minor league system? Why'd you do that again?

JP the Mystical: I can't remember. Ask Aaron Hill, Casey Janssen, and Shaun Marcum. But not Russ Adams. Leave him alone. JP makes a good point about the draft not being the be-all, end-all. I agree.

Heidi and Spencer FTW: Hank Steinbrenner said.....

JP: Fuck him. The players cluck more than a thousand hens. Just because Hank pops off in the paper doesn't mean the talk around the batting cage is any different.

Wilner prods about Rolen's future, and alternatives if he's hurt. JP offers Jose Bautista and then compares Joe Inglett to Reed! It's true, they're the same guy. Except Inglett is a better every day player.

Other than the lady that pretty much nailed JP over signing Eckstein to play shortstop and not playing him, everybody else played nice and knew their shit. A guy called and asked about "stretching out" Brett Cecil while limiting his innings. JP used the last year's innings plus 30 rule to explain his progress. Another guy called an asked about the club using Pitch F/X! Who let Hale out of his analysis-hub/cage? JP even admitted that Matt Stairs played too much this year. What planet am I on?

I also realize that tonight's excellent callers are Toronto's few, true baseball fans. There simply aren't enough of them in this town. Lots of sports fans, lots of people willing to treat the Rogers Centre as a giant bar with a tremendous cover but no atmosphere. Not enough ball fans though. Which sucks. But we'll still be here.

The Twins Are Not Good Role Models

The Minnesota Twins are the kid on your street that smoked and failed math. The kid who's dad would buy you beer all the time. Are they a good example of how to balance a budget? Yes, they are. But the Twins team that is competing for the Central division title, it just isn't that good. The scumbag from down the street may have helped prepare you for life, and he was certainly the baddest man in grade 8, but that was pretty much it for him. Hopefully you went on to bigger and better things, while he's watching NASCAR, waiting for his next "disability" check. Cutting corners simply doesn't pay!

Defense may not win you games, but it will certainly lose you some

Like last night, for example. The Twins rank 22nd in the league in defensive efficiency, the Blue Jays 4th. Fluke errors are bound to happen, but last night the Twins made 3 errors, twice allowing the Jays to tie the game on unearned runs late in the ballgame. Conversely, Scott Rolen made a great play to end the 10th inning, stranding the go-ahead run on third base. The Twins lost a game in Oakland the other night after Joe Nathan threw a sac bunt into left field (a play that Brendon Harris really should have made.) While time spent practicing bunting (aka making sure you're throwing your valuable outs away correctly) is gritty, kicking the ball around and handing your opponents victories is sloppy.

Defense is that much more important when your pitching isn't great

The Twins certainly have some excellent arms. Joe Nathan and Franciso Liriano, both stolen from the Giants, are outstanding pitchers at the top of their games. The Twins as a staff are much more middle of the road. Nathan is certainly dominant at the back of the bullpen, but without Pat Neshek, they've blown 20 saves already this year. Their BAA is one of the worst in the league, but overall they're pretty middling. But the combination of poor defense and meh pitching can't be a good combination, especially on Fieldturf. They must have a real powerhouse offense to compensate.

Fundamentals are all well and good, but luck runs out

As any Blue Jay watcher can attest, long home run droughts are bad for your soul. You think to yourself "Man, a big fly would really come in handy right here" but it never comes. The Twins have hit even fewer home runs than the Jays! Ouch, burn. The Twinkies do have a much great OPS than the Jays, but where does their offense come from? They have a few more extra base hits, fewer walks, almost as many GIDPs. Must be fundamentals.

They lead the league in sacrifice flies you say? Now that is a telling stat, and in no way conditional on dozens of factors beyond the players control. What about their average with RISP? "Timely" base hits etc., the stuff good teams do. Why their average is an astounding .311! That is surely sustainable, and surely independent of luck. Good teams hit with runners in scoring position, just like good team Baltimore (2nd in RISP), the excellent Rangers (fifth), and the world-beating Royals (8th). The Rays, feel good story and breakout stars, have the 2nd worst RISP. They must be lucky. The only teams between the Rays and Jays are the NL East leading Mets, and the NL Wild Card leading Brewers.

What am I trying to say here? I think the Twins are full of shit. It's a nice story, they have some good pieces, but they are playing over their heads. Trading Santana I understand, Carlos Gomez will be just fine. Trading Matt Garza for Delmon Young on the other hand, I question. Isn't young, cheap pitching the cornerstone of a cash-strapped franchise? The Twins will likely beat up on poor Jesse tonight, and may just sneak into the playoffs. That doesn't mean they're somehow the model franchise.

The Stretch Run

And you know what that means. Divisional races become interesting, teams on the outside looking in either spend the month trying to play spoiler or somehow creep into the playoffs themselves. Either way, it's generally an exciting month of baseball, which is all I care about. With some of the races getting tight, and some teams poised to collapse, I thought it prudent to take a look at just what is going on around the league.

National League West

Who really gives a shit? This division is a disgrace. It's quite possible the division winner will finish below .500. Arizona is clinging to a game and a half lead but are a dismal 3-7 over their last ten. The Dodgers have picked up four in a row, closing the gap. Arizona has the pitching to get it done (and more than likely will) but if they keep finding ways to give games away, they'll be the ones on the outside looking in.

National League Central

It's likely we'll see two teams from the Central move into the post-season. The Cubs hold a four and a half game edge on the Brewers, who in turn maintain the very same edge over the Phillies in the wild card race. With four losses in a row the Cubs gave the Brewers a shot a picking up some ground. The Brewers, however, dropped their past two; failing to gain vital ground in the divisional race. Again, it won't likely matter as they're in good shape on picking up the Wild Card. The Cards and Astros, though having decent seasons, are likely to miss the post-season playing in the "tough" Central.

National League East

It's early September and again the Mets are on top of the East. Sound familiar? Of course it does. It was only last year they managed to cough up a seven and a half game lead to the Phillies over the last month and a half of the season. Going into play today the Mets hold a slight two game edge over Philly. I don't expect another 2007 to be completely honest. With a rejuvenated Carlos Delgado tearing the cover off the ball and a stronger starting rotation I expect the Mets to find themselves in the post-season come October.

American League West

The Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim have a 17.5 game lead on some other team playing in the same division as them. What the fuck else is there to say?

American League Central

Chicago, Minnesota. Minnesota, Chicago. What I do know is they've both been playing pretty uninspired baseball of late. The Twins go into tonight's game vs. the Jays a half game back, thanks to an early day Chicago win in Cleveland. I didn't think the Sox would be in this position at the beginning of the season, but big seasons by Carlos Quentin and Jermaine Dye along with the surprising Gavin Floyd have helped atop the Central for much of the season. However, another solid season by homegrown Justin Morneau along with an unhittable Joe Nathan have the Twins knocking on the door as well, and I think they'll be the ones playing October baseball this year.

American League East

I most definitely did not think we'd see the Tampa Bay Rays atop the American League East on September 3rd and neither did you. But here we are, with Tampa Bay hanging onto to a four game lead over the Red Sox who currently occupy the Wild Card. The Rays have even managed to stay atop the division with key injuries to players such as Carl Crawford, Evan Longoria and Troy Percival. Along with being atop the East they also hold the best record in Major League Baseball. The Rays staff has been amazing this season, which is one of the main reasons they occupy top spot. It seems unlikely that they'll completely collapse at this point, but stranger things have happened. I couldn't care less who makes the playoffs to be honest so long as it's not the Yankees who look to be hard pressed on getting in this season. That in itself is fucking great. It looks like more waiting for Jays fans. Which sucks because they looked good going into the season. Their pitching has been the best in the league, but their inability to scores runs has been their undoing. I don't see any reason the Rays and Red Sox won't be there in the end, though I sure would love to see the Jays win out. Maybe...?

American League - Rays, Red Sox, Angels & Twins
National League - Mets, Cubs, Brewers & Diamondbacks

World Series...........Angels vs. Cubs. Or something else perhaps

I Find Satisfaction in What They Lack

A funny thing happened on the way to a win over the Twins. The Jays took the lead late, and that meant the game was over. Over. No longer a contest. So awesome is the Jays bullpen, they only threw 14 balls over 6 innings. 14 non-strikes! Are we unwilling to give JP credit for assembling and maintaining this excellent core of relievers? What about Brad Arsnberg? Can the pitching coach not be worthy of praise for taking journeymen and drifters, guys traded for Bubbie Buzachero and guys plucked from the Expos and turning them into the best bullpen in baseball? Can we not give more credit to JP for signing the team's best reliever to a very modest contract? Other than Ryan, the entire bullpen is on the cheap! Note: Wilner keyed on many of these same points today. Not only am I a hack, I'm lazy and put off writing this last night. I get what I deserve.

Cito's bullpen management leaves a little to be desired. He's an old-school "roles" guy. Scott Downs is the 8th inning guy, so you'll see him in the 8th. I would have brought him in to face Mauer and Morneau, but Carlson did a great job. Cito doesn't manage the bullpen as well as Gibby did, so it might be an even bigger compliment to the guys down there when you consider they aren't being deployed as effectively.

Mystery Call Up Theatre

This year's edition is lacking. Not even a Coats-based pun in the offing. Curtis Thigpen in sink or swim mode? Or Curtis Thigpen being turned out by JP the Killer Pimp? Either way, this year's additions aren't the sexiest. Not even a Romero! Travis Snider now represents JP's wad; embarrassingly blown all over the back seat of his Civic.

The National League, decidedly terrible

It must be a coincidence, but Manny Ramirez moved from the 4th best hitter's haven to one of the preeminent pitcher's park in baseball, lost any real line-up protection (which may or may not be bullshit), and had to adjust to life three time zones away. How did he respond? By adding 300 points to his OPS of course! CC Sabathia went from being a former Cy Young winner having a decent season to Bob Gibson. His ERA+ has tripled. That is insane. There can be no debate, the NL is laughably bad.

It's Wednesday, that means JP gets yelled at on the radio tonight! A.J. Burnett will beg and plead for a win tonight, hoping that the Yankees and Red Sox may become embroiled in a bidding war! Oh, the boos he'll hear.

Another Quick Dispatch, Done Half-Assed in Honour of Working People Everywhere

Another bullet point post, as a couple news items popped up today.

• David Eckstein is now a Diamondback. I often referred to him as a weasel, which is similar to a mongoose. The mongoose is the natural enemy of the cobra, so this move will end badly. It has been written. Oh Davey, you shouldn't have been here in the first place. If you had to be here, if probably should have played sometimes. Either way, I'm sure his brief stay with the Jays will quickly fade from my memory.
• Roy Halladay is still awesome. He beat the Yankees four times this year, something that says a lot about him, and a little about the Yankees.
• Rocco went 3 for 3 yesterday, raising his OPS to 1.063. Make that paper Rocco.
• Lady Andrea of Bugs & Cranks and Ladies... fame enlisted my help for a Ladies piece she did about Mancrushes. Check it out, please don't mind my awful spelling.

I don't know about you, but three-day weekends are pretty much the best. Work blows. If only there was a Jay game to attend, I'd be that much happier. The fluky Twins come into town to start the week, then a Rocco weekend! An outing is in the works.