Saturday, September 19, 2009
Where Did I Move?
I knew things were going to be different when I packed my shit and moved to glorious downtown Orangeville. There would be an adjustment period, sure, but one thing I couldn't have considered: Orangeville is a lacrosse town.
At first I didn't think anything of it. Then I started seeing kids with lacrosse sticks EVERYWHERE. On my street, at the park, at the complex where I drag my kid for swimming lessons. Lacrosse, lacrosse, lacrosse. I ducked my head into a sports store on the main drag in search of some new high socks for softball (WWBLD?). What was the response of the guy at the cash? "We don't have baseball, hockey and lacrosse only."
What? Hockey and lacrosse only? That blows. Things came to a head today as I walked through a parking lot. On the back of a shitty red minivan was a sticker with two crossed lacrosse sticks and a web address: baseballsucks.com. Baseball sucks dot com!!!
Look, I like date rape* and power violence as much as any one, but do I go around starting websites bragging about it? I realize the most troglodytic among us need entertainment too, lest they roam the streets in packs crosschecking seniors and doing kegstands on fire hydrants. What I don't understand is why anyone would brand their car like that. I can only imagine the excitement one feels when coming off house arrest, but you can only give exuberance so much credit. Honestly, was taking a shot at glorious baseball really worth it?
* - Nobody loves date rape. Obviously. Besides, no lacrosstitute ever said no.