Report: Jays in as Potential Third Team in Marlins/Red Sox Move

With stories swirling about the Red Sox attempting to reacquire stud shortstop Hanley Ramirez, the Jays have thrown their hat in the ring. No longer content to sit on the sidelines, the Jays realize that they can't afford to fall any further behind the AL East Arms Race.

Which is why the Jays have offered, pending a Ramirez-to-Boston move, to trade places in the NL East with the Marlins. The Marlins, who harbor no false pretense about attempting to compete with their existing division rivals, would get the turnstile boost of 9 annual home games with the Yankees, Red Sox and intrastate rival Rays. The Jays would go from being outclassed by the upper stratosphere payrolls of their existing division rivals to being outclassed by the lower troposphere payrolls of their new division rivals.

The Jays pitching and defense approach would be right at home in the National League, not to mention their complete lack of a viable designated hitter. The Marlins would have a valid excuse to keep Dan Uggla, Josh Willingham and other porous fielders in their lineup because they'd be playing "the American League Way."

Jays GM J.P. Ricciardi, in a rare moment of honesty, acknowledged that Ramirez coming to the AL East would pretty much "spell the end" of his clubs chances of ever competing again. "Look, I don't care if Travis Snider turns out to be Ted Williams himself. If the Sox get Hanley less than a month after the Yanks get Tex, CC & AJ, we're beyond fucked."

Repeated calls to the Marlins front office went unanswered, as they employ only two full-time staffers. One to field calls from greedy AL GMs and one guy that works all concession stands and ticket offices at Dolphin Stadium.

An Army of One, A Starting Job Stolen

Roy Halladay makes his way into the clubhouse at Yankee Stadium, having just learned that Cliff Lee will be starting the All Star Game. He is first approached by Jason Varitek.

Jason: You can't start'em all, Roy.
Halladay: That's a fact.
Jason: How come you're doing this, then?
Halladay: Because I ain't got nothin' better to do.

All Star Coach Terry Francona tries to explain to Roy that he's a great player, but won't be starting the All Star Game.

Tito: You're wanted, Halladay. But I don't think I can start you.
Halladay: Reckon I'm right popular. You the coach then? What kind of coach won't let me start the game?
Tito: A man's got to do something for a living these days.
Halladay: Suckin' ain't much of a living, boy.

Surprise starter Cliff Lee ambles over to offer his condolences to Roy

Cliff Lee Watie: I'm gettin' better at sneaking up on you like this. Only an Indian can do something like this.
Halladay: That's what I figured.
Cliff Lee Watie: You figured?
Halladay: Only an Indian could do something like that.
Cliff Lee Watie hears a gun cock behind him; turns and sees regression to the mean
Cliff Lee Watie: It's not right; damn reality doing something like this to me. I used to have power. Now old age is creeping up on me.
Halladay: More like old habits than old age.

Halladay starts preparing for his appearance at the game, going over his charts on the National League All Stars. Chief Lee Watie looks on.

Chief Lee Watie: How do you know who to go after and who to shoot first?
Halladay: Well, that one in the center: he has thin air in his ballpark and he was in no itchin' hurry. And the one second from the left: he had scared eyes, he wasn't gonna do nothin'. But that one on the far left: he had crazy eyes. Figured him to make the first move.
Chief Lee Watie: How 'bout the one batting leadoff?
Halladay: Never paid him no mind; you were there.
Chief Lee Watie:[trembling with fear] I could have missed.

Halladay walks out towards the field, ready to take on the National League All Stars. Tim Lincecum and Edinson Volquez lean over and start to ask veteran Chipper Jones about it. They ask if the stories are true about him, and how he works.

Captain Larry: Not a hard man to track. Leaves dead men wherever he goes.

When Everybody Wins

With the Jays rapidly distancing themselves from the HGH scandal orchestrating a "like for like" swap that sends Very Tall Troy Glaus to St. Louis for the equally mammoth and highly disgruntled Scott Rolen, I am left to think about the nature of baseball trades. Usually they fit the mold of "overpriced old guy for unproven young guys" while the rare and shocking "reprint the media guide, can you believe this just happened" two stars for two stars blockbuster is the exception to the rule.

Declaring a winner in most trades is easy for two reasons: most prospects don't pan out and the player to be named later is rarely named later.

An ESPN chat with Rob Neyer Friday had me thinking of a trade that should go down as one of the best. For everyone. The 8-player monster that sent Josh Beckett, Guillermo Mota, and Mike Lowell (coming off a season of abject failure while sporting a massive contract) to Boston in exchange for highly-touted prospect Hanley Ramirez and the rest of the Hannah Montana cast.
Note: One of the kids DID pitch a no-hitter, but was sent down and eventually missed a full year with a torn labrum.

Boston benefits in the most obvious way possible.


So they win, right? I'm not convinced. Is it my deeply ingrained hatred of all things crimson hose? Or is it the fact that Hanley Ramirez is the best player in the National League?



Beckett is still young and nasty, and getting out the Florida humidity seems to have ended his blister problems. Mike Lowell is found money. Not found money that stalks you with a cattle gun, ultimately seeing you shot in cold blood but found money that becomes World Series MVP and then tells the Yankees to lick it's balls.


I know what you are thinking: "Best player in the National League? Isn't that like being the coolest guy in your WoW guild?" Perhaps it is, but when you put up numbers like: 154 games .332 29 HR 81 RBI 125 runs 51 steals on a last-place team in a cavernous ballpark with 8000% humidity you are doing something right. Those numbers at the top of the Red Sox already murderous lineup? You could sign a certain rubber-armed junkballer and still win by a touchdown every night.

When Florida wins the 2010 World Series (as is their pattern) this trade will be cemented as one of the all-time greats. Right up until the moment the Marlins flip Hanley Ramirez to the Angels (or big money team X) for a plucky bunch of up-and-comers and Vlady Guerrero's dirty-ass helmet.