Monday, July 14, 2008

An Army of One, A Starting Job Stolen

Roy Halladay makes his way into the clubhouse at Yankee Stadium, having just learned that Cliff Lee will be starting the All Star Game. He is first approached by Jason Varitek.

Jason: You can't start'em all, Roy.
Halladay: That's a fact.
Jason: How come you're doing this, then?
Halladay: Because I ain't got nothin' better to do.

All Star Coach Terry Francona tries to explain to Roy that he's a great player, but won't be starting the All Star Game.

Tito: You're wanted, Halladay. But I don't think I can start you.
Halladay: Reckon I'm right popular. You the coach then? What kind of coach won't let me start the game?
Tito: A man's got to do something for a living these days.
Halladay: Suckin' ain't much of a living, boy.

Surprise starter Cliff Lee ambles over to offer his condolences to Roy

Cliff Lee Watie: I'm gettin' better at sneaking up on you like this. Only an Indian can do something like this.
Halladay: That's what I figured.
Cliff Lee Watie: You figured?
Halladay: Only an Indian could do something like that.
Cliff Lee Watie hears a gun cock behind him; turns and sees regression to the mean
Cliff Lee Watie: It's not right; damn reality doing something like this to me. I used to have power. Now old age is creeping up on me.
Halladay: More like old habits than old age.

Halladay starts preparing for his appearance at the game, going over his charts on the National League All Stars. Chief Lee Watie looks on.

Chief Lee Watie: How do you know who to go after and who to shoot first?
Halladay: Well, that one in the center: he has thin air in his ballpark and he was in no itchin' hurry. And the one second from the left: he had scared eyes, he wasn't gonna do nothin'. But that one on the far left: he had crazy eyes. Figured him to make the first move.
Chief Lee Watie: How 'bout the one batting leadoff?
Halladay: Never paid him no mind; you were there.
Chief Lee Watie:[trembling with fear] I could have missed.

Halladay walks out towards the field, ready to take on the National League All Stars. Tim Lincecum and Edinson Volquez lean over and start to ask veteran Chipper Jones about it. They ask if the stories are true about him, and how he works.

Captain Larry: Not a hard man to track. Leaves dead men wherever he goes.

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