Thursday, July 31, 2008

As Trade Deadline Passes, Jays Lament Inability to Move 2008 Season

Despite numerous deals being rumored and many others going through, Jays GM JP Riccardi was unable to find a buyer for the Jays 2008 season. The Jays are on pace to be a .500 ball club, but JP was still unable to find a team that would trade seasons, even among teams with much worse records. Pirates GM Neal Huntington said he while would appreciate the increase in wins, falling short of the most conservative of expectations each year just isn't worth it. Said Huntington: "I've got a good thing going here. We're in a constant rebuilding phase, so I'm never really expected to win. The Jays? They pay lip service each year, but do they really think they'll compete again?" Riccardi said he would have appreciated infusing 80 runs of offense to improve the outlook on the season: "I thought if we could install a team with a strong offense, then point to our strong pitching in the first half, I could convince people that we actually had a well-rounded ball club."

Padres GM Kevin Towers stated that while swapping his team's run differential of -110 for the Jays +32 would be nice, he couldn't reconcile it with ownership. "We don't want to bring that sense of hopelessness to our front office, it would further alienate our fans." Even controversial Astros GM Ed Wade wouldn't go near the 2008 Jays. "Look, I've got no scruples whatsoever. I'll bring in a Mitchell Report star that lies about his age, I'll sign Roger Clemens when he's 60. But acquiring this year's Jays? No thanks. You can keep your handful of wins, I like my sanity just fine."

When alerted that his GM was unable to unload this season moments after divisional foe Boston acquired Canadian Jason Bay, Jays CEO Paul Godfrey was overheard mumbling something about "motherfucking Beantown scumbag" and "bigger fish to fry..N-F-L motherfucker" before storming out of his office with a bottle of Scotch.


  1. Jason Bay would have been quality street.

  2. Hopefully there's some quality tang waiting for him in Beantown, I can't imagine they have groupies in Pittsburgh.


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