C'mon Feel the Lulz

Roy Halladay was so good last night, I was deprived the glorious LOLswings I hoped for. Just plain-old LOLz. Gary Mathews is a below-average major league baseball player, but against Halladay he looked reeeeee-diculous. By his third at bat he would have been better off simply brining a turkey drumstick to the plate. Might as well dig into that post-game spread early. Like getting drunk and making out with a distant cousin at a family reunion: you're just making the best of a bad situation.

The first six innings tonight were the best I've ever seen ANYBODY pitch. Hyperbole? You're damn right. Don't believe me? I'll let the Angels make my point for me.

Mike Scoscia starts us off (via the OC Register):

He just keeps getting better and better," Scioscia said of Halladay. "The first five or six innings, I don't know if we had a loud foul ball off him. He was as good as any pitcher we've seen with command of both sides of the plate.

Joe Saunders; emasculate yourself (via MLB.com):

I thought we played a little tentative and scared because of who was on the mound," Saunders said. "I think it was just our mind-set going in. No one says it, you just kind of get that feeling as a pitcher, like, 'OK, I'm facing Roy Halladay today. If I give up a run, I might lose.'

Not so fast Saunders, the LA Times wants to make you sound like a punk AND a vapid cheerleader. Like, fershure!

"We go into it thinking this guy is, like, the best pitcher in baseball, and we're going to score one run if we're lucky."

Torii Hunter, punch drunk love (again MLB.com):

"Doc Halladay has surgery," Hunter said. "He was a doctor today. You have got to give it to him. He had surgery on all of us.

Hunter must've ingested half a white valium, as he is more lucid a few moments later:

"He's the best there is in the game right now...He throws the ball in and out the zone, out and into the zone. He's one of the best at doing that. There are some pitchers I own, and some pitchers that own me -- he's definitely one of them."

The most telling thing for me watching from home was each Angel, almost to a man, would get to first base with a big goofy grin. They seemed shocked, amazed, amused, and generally excited just making contact! Forgone conclusion indeed.

Daylife knows Roy Halladay is the best

Resurrection

Rocco doesn't rehab, he lies in wait. Like a predatory animal, or a fat guy at a cheap Floridian buffet.

As a certain prodigious blogger/fantasy juggernaut mockingly pointed out in the comment section earlier this week, Rocco played showed the Jays mercy by allowing them to hold him to an 0 for 2. Mr. Hale used the world "glum" to describe Rocco's quotes from the article, but I prefer focused.

While the article goes to the painful extent of interviewing a man I once referred to as "gossamer-tendoned" to provide a insight into one's view of the world from the disabled list, Rocco's injuries tend to be of the freak and/or nagging order. This spring finds both sides saying All the Right Things regarding his slow process, but the team is giving it the full blown kitten gloves treatment. Rocco the DH is incredibly depressing, and if his fate is to waste at least two of his five tools I may just have to find a new "fantasy sleeper."

Back on the planet where properly adjusted humans live, the Jays - Reds spring training game today was the center ring act of a CityTV circus. Spring training sucks enough as is. It requires a certain level of dedication to turn something simply boring and mundane into a trainwreck of epic proportions. It would also seem that Drunk Jays Fans isn't just a clever name.