Sunglasses on the Subway

No matter how nice the weather is, no matter how out of season the heat wave, nor how hot the local baseball is, under no circumstances are you to wear sunglasses on the goddamn subway! You, no matter who you think you might be, look like a douchebag. A giant fucking douchebag. All those fake D&G sunglasses succeed in doing is providing me two huge targets for the blows I'm about to rain down on your sad little skull.

Just like the huge blows the Blue Jays offense continue raining down on the teams of the American League!!! (East division excepted, that will come in time.) Line. Drive. Lots of them. Three for Vernon Wells (two to the opposite field!!!), two each for Scott Rolen and Marco Scutaro. Travis Snider hit a couple balls hard, pulling a grounder hard through the hole against a tough young lefty. Things are pretty awesome, like a Dad in a Doo-rag. Oh wait, that isn't awesome at all. If you've ever piloted a motor vehicle, it's time to retire the doo-rag, the gigantic Helly Hansen jeans and the Pacific Mall Rolex. If you've worn these things while piloting a motor vehicle equipped with a child seat: call CAS. Do it now.

Tonight the Jays send service-time placeholder and Oakland A in waiting Brian Burres, begging he can keep it within a field goal and eat some innings. The Burres's numbers were bad last year and in the spring, he did sport a nice little spring K/BB 6.50. His AAA rate of 3.50 will send me grasping for more straws than I'm comfortable with. Actually, noticing his terrible strand rate in Vegas (43.5% on the basepaths, 100% in the hotel lobby looking for Valtrex) and his respectable 3.68 FIP and I'm officially ready to be surprised. Positivity is a hell of a thing.

Don't forget to swing by Walkoff Walk this weekend, I'll be doing my thing as best I can over there. I'm liveblogging the Red Sox-Yankees game tomorrow night on the Score. Swing by and tell both teams they suck.

Local Baseball Side Stems Tide, Hope Briefly Restored

An excellent rule of thumb when wading through the interwebs goes like this: The bigger the audience, the worse the commentary. Example 1A and 1B of this depressing phenomenon are ESPN and the AOL Fanhouse. Even the blandest of debates quickly turns into a racial festival of hate or a battle of polemically uninformed opinion.


Drunk Jays Fans have a rapidly growing readership and have worked hard to achieve it, but of late the gnashing of teeth amongst the commenters is puzzling. The other day some anonymous guy expressed his disapproval with the Jays and their inability to win RIGHT FUCKING NOW. He's been watching this team for years and WANTS THE PLAYOFFS. Who in their right mind feels this entitled to anything? It's baseball man, 9 games into a 162 game season. The sun will still come up tomorrow, the Yankees were 8 games under .500 on May 29 last season, and still won the wildcard. The Jays lost three one run games in a row. Relax.

Somehow, this doomed bunch of selfish pricks managed to coax the Rangers into giving them a game last night. Despite their best efforts, the Jays rapped out 13 hits and managed to weather the Gingerstorm and that of their good for nothing, overrated bullpen to the tune of a 8-5 win.

Oft-injured Roy Halladay goes tonight against some kid named Mendoza. Hopefully Roy can keep his tibias intact this time around. I think we should fire JP because he hasn't found any studs like this young Mexican hurler. I wonder if the popless Jays bats will be able to stay above the Mendoza line tonight. LOL. Anyway, back to the Pro Sports Daily board.