Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Baseball's Racist Grandparents Award Torii Hunter a Gold Glove

Torii Hunter - excellent at being famousThe Gold Gloves are a joke and I'm an idiot for getting worked up about them. The Jays were pretty much the worst defensive team in baseball this year so I (we?) don't even have a horse in the race. But fuck Torii Hunter. Jeter I can deal with (he had a solid? year in the field despite not being able to throw. At all.) Ichiro? Awesome. I didn't award him one of my exclusive Walkoff Walk Gilded Leather awards as I gave Franklin Gutierrez two. That's right, I gave Death to Flying Things two awards for one season. Why?

Because I love defense, and he's the best outfielder I've seen since Devo. That good. Making the impossible look easy and the easy a memory. Amazing. Up in Them Gutz, of course, didn't win a Gold Glove. Because they're a joke, and arguing about them is trying to beat sense into the skull of a senile, racist old fuck who doesn't care about rational thought any more. They're just waiting to die. To wit, from the Seattle Times' Larry Stone:
Let's just say I wasn't impressed with the depth of knowledge of the coaches when it came to evaluating the candidates and coming to a conclusion. They'd pretty much blurt out the name of a guy that they remembered as making some good plays against them (often asking a fellow coach what he thought, and coming to a consensus opinion that way), or pick the player that had the reputation as being the best at his position, even if that reputation was no longer deserved. I'm pretty sure my team wasn't the only one that operated this way...
Nothing you didn't know, but still worth building up a nice lather over once a year. Once again, I want them to matter but they do not. In any way. Failure abounds.


  1. I'm with you on Gutierrez. He fit both criteria to a T (great stats + in game awesomeness). He'll win a few before the end of his career.

    Man, is Shapiro looking terrible after giving Gutz away along with his lackluster deals for Cy Young winners

  2. Gutz is the new Rios. Rios should've won at least a couple between 2006-2008 and came away with none. And now Hill didn't win either. Get the fuck off MY lawn with that shit.

  3. I have to admit I don't get the connection between the headline and the post.

  4. It's kinda like the MVP question-most valuable to his team or most valuable in the league?-It's open to interpretation, just like any award. If they just used defensive stats to give the gold glove awards to then there would be none of this discussion so let's keep the tremendously flawed judging criteria.

  5. I'm glad somebody mentioned this injustice - it's sad that the Gold Glove awards are moreso based on reputation and past performance than anything else. If the voters wiped the slate clean every year (like they should) we would probably see a very different set of winners.

    Poor Gutz.

  6. There has to be a joke in here about the Gold Glove making Mark Buehrle more valid in the field than Alex Rios, but I just can't seem to find it. I imagine the punchline has the phrase "two-twenty-nine" in it somewhere.


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