Thursday, May 12, 2011

John Lackey is in Denial

Did you hear John Lackey is not a good pitcher anymore? It is true, he really isn't. Due to his past association with the (hated) Los Angeles Angels, my personal level of contempt was already well-developed. His move to the Red Sox only brought this object of scorn to my doorstep. (Ed. note: this paragraph was edited for shittiness.)

Last night, John Lackey was bad. He didn't pitch well just as he hasn't pitched well all season. Broadcasters love telling us how much a winner and a bulldog Lackey is, which apparently means pointing fingers of blame as you come to grips with your own decline and inevitable death.
John Lackey gave up two big hits to John McDonald last night. John McDonald is not a very good hitter (more on him later today, with any luck) yet John McDonald stuck Lackey for a tater tot and a huge two-run double.

Terry Francona had no business leaving Lackey out there to suffer for as long as he did, unless he wanted to send a message about showing up teammates. If that is the case, I applaud it.

After the game, John Lackey had some less than complimentary things to say about John McDonald: Offensive Juggernaut.
"Everybody has had success with him in the past, let's be honest," Lackey said of Toronto's utility man. "You can't give up hits to him when you've got other guys in that lineup that can hurt you."
Putting aside the fact that he's right, that's a punk move by Lackey. Hey John, maybe you should try not hanging curveballs and missing your spots by a fucking mile if you want to retire John McDonald.

To wit:

That's Salty's target for the 2-1 pitch, a curveball on the outer half. Falling behind John McDonald is the first sign you're not on your game, John. But hey, don't give in and throw a fastball for a strike - you're better than that.

Whoops. Turns out you aren't better than that. Curveball down and away? How about a cookie up and in, which the world's newest pull-hitting dynamo yanked into the left-field corner to effectively ice the game.

Just maybe, after you're DFA'd or whatever Theo manages to do with your rotting corpse, you can reflect on your ugliness last night and admit that you were wrong. You were wrong for screaming at Carl Crawford's inability to play Spiderman on the massive fly ball you surrendered to Jose Bautista.

You were wrong, really, in thinking you could survive away from the JV division. You were wrong about John McDonald for the second time in his career. You were wrong. I'm sure Theo thinks the same thing every fifth night.

Just so you know, this offer still stands.

Reuters Image courtesy of Daylife, screencaps from


  1. There aren't actually many guys "that can hurt you" in that lineup beside one, unless you take a broad definition of both "can" and "hurt". Of course, I guess if "you" is just "John Lackey" ... well then it all makes sense.

    He should have just said "that can hurt a pitcher like me."

  2. Lackey is not a good guy. And he completely sucks. The guy's roid rage is out of control. Hopefully he falls a drug test and gets suspended for 50 games. Then fails again and gets suspended for 100. Then fails again and is out for life. That is Red Sox nations only hope in getting rid of this bad apple

  3. First of all, John Lackey definitely sucks this year. But, as you so astutely point out, Johnny Mac is EXACTLY the kind of guy a major league pitcher should be annoyed to get beat by. Wouldn't it make sense to put aside your fanhood for a moment and respect his punk attitude in this case? It's more entertaining than revving up the old cliche-meter.

  4. dougie, there is still no need to call out a player, the fault is on Lackey not on Mcdonald. its a total douche move

  5. What I would respect is a little honest and self-awareness: "I made a truly terrible pitch - I cannot expect to retire ANY big leaguers after an effort like that. Falling behind in a key spot to a hitter I can challenge is inexcusable. I really need to execute better."

    Real talk plus ownership. Everybody wins!

  6. fangraphs has an article about how his wife is being treated for breast cancer and he's quoted saying "everything in my life is terrible now"

    i want to be clear that i've disliked lackey for way long than his recent stretch of being especially horrible. he's always been a dick. that said, i do sympathize with anyone that has to go through someone being treated for cancer. i wish them the best of health. in fact, i hope lackey can play his best, it is always so much more satisfying to beat the hell out of an asshole when you know they are doing their best.

  7. Your grammar is awful. Take a writing course, your first paragraph was a mess.

  8. Correction: the first paragraph IS a mess. Mind your tense agreement, well-meaning troll.

    I think it's less grammar, more proof reading. But thanks for the input.

  9. Okay, NOW you can say it "was" a mess. I made some changes.

  10. I was speaking to you from the future, knowing you would change it. I wish I was a troll, then I could explain why a 25 yr old female corrects spelling and grammar on a Jays fan site

  11. i think lackey has some more serious "home" issues going on. i read somewhere that his wife is battling cancer. as for his lack of performance I believe he benefited all of those years in cali from a great defense behind him and getting the very best game plans from his manager and battery mates. his whip has always been higher than you would expect from a #3 starter. i think the bo sox simply overpaid the man. he is a blue jay aj burnett with less talent.

    the blue jays simply don't matter and will not have any impact for a few more years. because of this, i understand why you would take something out of context and blow it way out of proportion. go tigers.


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