Did you hear John Lackey is not a good pitcher anymore? It is true, he really isn't. Due to his past association with the (hated) Los Angeles Angels, my personal level of contempt was already well-developed. His move to the Red Sox only brought this object of scorn to my doorstep. (Ed. note: this paragraph was edited for shittiness.)
Last night, John Lackey was bad. He didn't pitch well just as he hasn't pitched well all season. Broadcasters love telling us how much a winner and a bulldog Lackey is, which apparently means pointing fingers of blame as you come to grips with your own decline and inevitable death.
John Lackey gave up two big hits to John McDonald last night. John McDonald is not a very good hitter (more on him later today, with any luck) yet John McDonald stuck Lackey for a tater tot and a huge two-run double.
Terry Francona had no business leaving Lackey out there to suffer for as long as he did, unless he wanted to send a message about showing up teammates. If that is the case, I applaud it.
After the game, John Lackey had some less than complimentary things to say about John McDonald: Offensive Juggernaut.
"Everybody has had success with him in the past, let's be honest," Lackey said of Toronto's utility man. "You can't give up hits to him when you've got other guys in that lineup that can hurt you."Putting aside the fact that he's right, that's a punk move by Lackey. Hey John, maybe you should try not hanging curveballs and missing your spots by a fucking mile if you want to retire John McDonald.
That's Salty's target for the 2-1 pitch, a curveball on the outer half. Falling behind John McDonald is the first sign you're not on your game, John. But hey, don't give in and throw a fastball for a strike - you're better than that.
Whoops. Turns out you aren't better than that. Curveball down and away? How about a cookie up and in, which the world's newest pull-hitting dynamo yanked into the left-field corner to effectively ice the game.
Just maybe, after you're DFA'd or whatever Theo manages to do with your rotting corpse, you can reflect on your ugliness last night and admit that you were wrong. You were wrong for screaming at Carl Crawford's inability to play Spiderman on the massive fly ball you surrendered to Jose Bautista.
You were wrong, really, in thinking you could survive away from the JV division. You were wrong about John McDonald for the second time in his career. You were wrong. I'm sure Theo thinks the same thing every fifth night.
Just so you know, this offer still stands.
Reuters Image courtesy of Daylife, screencaps from MLB.com