Canadian Poker Tips from the Pros

The guy you see above is Jonathan Duhamel. He just became exceedingly rich. Duhamel was already a professional poker player, grinding out and learning how tough an easy living can be. Duhamel survived an 8 day tournament, an interminable 4 month wait, and a final table circus to take home a gaudy bracelet and a life-changing paycheck.

In Duhamel's everyday poker existence, he needs to manage his bankroll and take calculated risks. His is a world of increments. He reminds me of another swarthy dude from Montreal, Alex Anthopoulos.

Alex Anthopoulos seems to maintain a very even keel. Based on his first year of calculated moves, I feel as though AA is the type to bide his time. Not one to overvalue his hand to get in deep at a table beyond his means.

The various reports and conjecture about the possibility of acquiring Dan Uggla and/or Manny Ramirez make my head spin a little. Does Anthopoulos sense weakness in the division? Is he rolling up his stake and taking his shot now?

Considering the relative cost to employ both these two offense-only players, it might not be a bad gamble if, IF, everything that went right in 2010 happens again and all the bad things from 2010 go right this time around.

Personaly, I can't see that happening. Acquiring Uggla for one expensive arbitration year (or extending him and hoping 33 year old Dan Uggla is AWESOME) and moving him to third base (as moving Hill would be asinine) as well as signing excellent-if-somewhat-power-stricken Manny? Two moves which would necessitate at least a few more as the message would be clear: the future is now.

Realistically, how much closer do those two moves bring the Jays to competing for a playoff berth? 3 Wins? 4 tops? If Uggla puts up another 5 win season and Manny somehow puts up a 4 Win season as a DH and Adam Lind replicates 2009 without giving too much back with his glove, you could probably put the Jays down for 90 wins.

Guess what 90 wins gets you in the AL East?

Even if you think the Yankees are too old and will overpay Jeter's corpse and the Red Sox don't have any pitching beyond Jon Lester and the Rays will struggle with Desmond Jennings and Matt Joyce and God knows who else taking over in the outfield, you can't assume two of those three teams will fail to win 90 games.

It just doesn't seem like that time. There are too many variables. It would be too much like 2006 for too many people's comfort. J.P. took his shot and missed. He paid a premium for a closer, determined to nail down the crucial few wins a lockdown closer represents. He upgraded third base and strengthened his rotation and it didn't end up working. The process was sound (enough), but the results didn't line up.

At the risk of torturing this poker analogy with allusions to bluffing and referencing how going all-in works every time but once, I feel confident in the FO's Zen-like Howard Lederer table image. Alex Anthopoulos doesn't strike me as the type of maniac to shove when he has a coinflip.

Playing in the AL East doesn't afford the opportunity to run around like Brian Sabean, going buckwild against weak players. AA and friends need to build their stack and pick their spots. I just can't see this being that spot.

Sunny Analogy for a Sunny Day

The first place Jays host the not first place A's. The sun is out, the weather is warm, everything is coming up Toronto. In fact, the old lady and I had an exchange walking down the street in Toronto's glorious west end that summed up my feelings on the Jays and life in general quite nicely.

As per Canadian tradition, the first warm day sends every man, woman, and child diving to the bottom of their closets for something summery to wear. Some shapely lady (girl? The details are fuzzy and possibly illegal) approached us wearing a dress that, try as it might, wasn't able to cover all the real estate required by the laws of decency and the province of Ontario. As she stepped off the curb, we approached and I happily yet discretely gazed where a man's wont to gaze. Allow me to recount the exact dialogue:

• Ms. Moseby: Did you see what I saw?
  
• Drew the Pervy Barber: /ogling
  
• Ms. Moseby the Patient: That girl wasn't wearing any underwear!
  
• The Defendant: Really? The one in the ill-fitting dress?
  
• Ms. Moseby: Yeah! She was wearing tights and nothing else. I saw stuff when she stepped off the curb
  
• Drew: It sucks I missed that, but I'm content with my choice

That's right Toronto, we're spoiled for choice! Didn't see the exposed ladybits? Don't sweat it, plenty of cleavage for all!

Have a good weekend ya'll, I'm WoWing and so should you.

Jays Conclude Midweek Series at Abu Ghairb

A seemingly endless long weekend has everyone I know moving very, very slowly. We could all use a little Alkaline pick-me-up through our tender and sunburnt nipples.

Brandon League - Oxidized

Brandon League hooked his right arm up to a car battery, hoping to shake off muscle atrophy. He saw his first action in more than a week, pitching two innings that didn't exactly inspire unchecked glee. He did wriggle out of a minijam and was at least on the mound in a situation that mattered. He throws harder than Chris Snyder or Jose Molina will be for a while.

Miguel Cairo - Undead

Miguel Cairo - Yankees Glue Guy was really easy to hate. Just another journeyman that can do no wrong when he straps on those damned pinstripes. He's now reduced to being a random bench guy on the worst team in baseball. Clearly his career is dead or at least dying. Suddenly, he pops up and starts driving in winning runs, pissing me off and costing the Jays games. The only explanation: HE'S A ZOMBIE! Some cruel bastard hooked his corpse to a 12 volt car battery and here he is; moving runners over, bunting and feasting on the flesh of the living. Re-animated without the benefit of blinding speed.

Adam Lind - Someone Left the Lights On

Adam Lind's star shone so brightly. The cognescenti has been heralding him as the savior all year long, largely because of his crazy numbers at every level. We shouldn't dismiss the fact that we're all fools waiting for the next big thing. Unwashed, uninformed masses full of hope and cheese doodles.

His first go-around this season had him looking over his shoulder after every at bat, wondering when the ax would fall. 19 at bats later, Gibby emerged from the local multiplex only to learn his car was dead. The sumbitch won't even turn over! Cito produced the jumper cables from within his jalopy's trunk, restarting Adam Lind's season. His obvious talent is the alternator, providing some much needed power. OPS Express for life.

Erin Andrews - Untalented

I'll never understand the universe's Erin Andrews worship. Reading any major sports blog makes it impossible to be unaware of her ex-cheerleader persona. Sure, she's reasonably attractive, works in and presumably enjoys sports. Hooray, she's every lazy man's dream. You think that shit would last? You can share all the interests in the world; once your undying attention shifts from her you'll find yourself debating the merits of paint colours with names varying from aplomb to capri coast to barrista. Beige. They're all fucking beige.

The internets are set ablaze anytime she does anything, including our prolific manfriend David Chalk posting a video of her getting the diaper dandy treatment from Dickie Vee. Watching the video my only thoughts are: GAHHHH! That accent is a fate worse than death; a torture I cannot withstand. She needs to partake in some Veronica Corningstone non-regional diction exercises. I'm not too proud to post her picture though. Let the hits roll in!!