An Interesting Spin on an Age-Old Tale

Annually updated "Best Shape of His Life" articles are a tired spring training trope. Consequently, pointing out the sportswriter's Vernal Equinox tradition has become a cliché itself. The number of snarky posts riffing on the number of earnest puff pieces is nearly equal. Based on some of the evidence provided by Twitter and a few Blue Jays public appearances, it looks like the Jays scribes will have to dig a little deeper down in Dunedin this time around.

Unless, while attending yesterday's epic Raptors clash with the Sacramento Kings, Travis Snider somehow used the Air Canada Centre seats incorrectly I struggle to imagine how he might be too big for the fancy chairs. Maybe he means shoulder-to-shoulder space with the guy next to him? We can only hope.

No such hope remains for Jesse Litsch who — despite claims of double-digit weight loss this offseason — apparently cannot stop eating. When pressed for details by admitted GROF reader Wesley Leong, National Post reporter Eric Koreen came with a dagger to Little Litsch's pink self-image.



Ouch. Poor Jesse. But he's so athletic! Look at him, shooting around (apparently underwater, go Blackberry!) with Vernon Wells after the game.



Despite Litsch's legendary athletic status, I would quite enjoy playing basketball against him. Blogger versus jock for all the marbles! Winner gets to keep Jesse's false fronts!

The Intangibles of the Improbable

Seeing Tim Collins traded sucks for a lot of reasons, the ongoing success of the Toronto Blue Jays being somewhere towards the bottom. Collins strikeout numbers suggest he has a future in the major league; the brightness of which is up for debate.

Tim Collins seems to be an interesting bi-product of an strange age in baseball fandom. Of all the people ruing his departure yesterday, very few (myself included) have ever seen him pitch or know much about him. His low-level strikeout numbers make him an anomaly, his tiny stature makes him a legend. It makes us root for him and hopefully his success continues as he climbs the ladder.

Everybody was bummed when Timmy 2.0 was lumped into the trade, but let's be real: he has a limited shelf life. I envision (not project or anything tangible, I just get a sense) that he'd be amazing once through the league. Some Eichhorn in '86 type shit, but then that'd be it.

But Tim Collins represented a whole lot of fun because of his (implied) ability to overcome the odds. A little guy who didn't just scrap and hustle his way into the show, a guy that got there because he is good. Those are fun stories, and eye-popping strikeout numbers move the needle and quicken the heartbeat.

Blair Leaps in Judgement

Other than bemoaning the loss of a possible one-year wonder, I haven't offered much on the Escobar/Gonzalez trade. Let me codify my feelings by taking my favorite Jays(ish) writer to task on a couple points that stuck out in his column earlier this week.

But the Braves have added a superior defensive shortstop having a blistering offensive year and playing to guarantee an option year in 2011. Gonzalez is a shortstop with postseason experience who, if he continues his offensive pace in the National League, will help address a worrying lack of offensive production out of Chipper Jones and Brian McCann, instead of exacerbating it as Escobar did.

While it is true that Alex Gonzalez is an excellent defensive shortstop who saved more than his share of outs, I wouldn't say in any way he's superior to Yunel Escobar. Superior compared to average, but Escobar is a defensive stud. Both UZR (4 runs saved this year, 4.4/150 for his career) and Dewan's +/- (a whopping 21 this year, +14 average over the last three seasons) favor the newest Blue Jay.

To me this is an example of contorting the truth to solidify your point. Yup, Alex is great in the field, but I defy you to find me anybody who thinks he's better than Esco. I don't believe you can.

The "if he continues his offensive production" line is a tricky one. Does anyone believe he will? Considering the way balls fly out to left in Toronto and die in the thick, hateful air in Atlanta, expecting Gonzo to continue mashing dingers and little else is wishful at best.

It goes on to be a classic "these three months are everything/these three months are nothing." Those who wish to paint the Jays as winners point to the track records over time, others look at the recent results and say "landslide." The truth is in the middle, if it exists at all. Like the Rolen/Glaus swap, crazy shit can happen and the pieces involved are three dimensional. Hopefully some of these moving parts fall into place in Toronto for once.

Image courtesy of Robin Thom's Flickrstream

The Wellness Train Rolls On

By virtue of patience and remembering that interacting with other people can be fun, I made my way to a BBQ with a whole pile of old friends on Saturday afternoon. After being the most excited guy on the subway on the way there, I heard a couple interesting things. The first was a quote I submit without comment: "They're from Barrie, they eat cheeseburgers every day."

A couple friends of friends provided the second thing. Turns out a two members of the Toronto Maple Leafs inter-county team were in attendance, one of which is an old friend of my host. I got to talking to one dude and it turns out he played a couple years in the Jays minor league systems, both at Auburn and another short-season stop. Following up a comment-section discussion from earlier this summer, I set out to ask him about nutrition in the minor leagues. Thrusting on my quasi-reporter hat I asked how they were treated at the outset of their careers.

His answer (paraphrased): other than a short tutorial in the spring, the only time players hear anything about their eating is if they gain so much weight that it impacts their performance.

I then asked him about the way they're treated; if the team treats bonus babies better or differently. His (shocking) answer: of course! They have a vested interest in the kids with big price tags attached to their names. In his words "some guys don't even get a shot, they're just there to fill out the rosters." Sad but true, likely with no small amount of autobiography.

The other thing that struck me was how big these dudes are. Both pitchers, they had chests so far around you could go over Niagara Falls in their rib cages. Big, thick dudes who got close and now play semi-pro for love of the game or whatever. They also said people are crazy, as random dudes start adding them on facebook and send along weird messages. I don't think I need to tell anyone reading this: don't be that guy.

Image Courtesy of This is Why You're Fat

Strike While the Iron is Lukewarm

Is it possible to have an important series in April? Will the reeling Red Sox and the (hopefully righted) good ship Blue Jay do battle for supremacy in the AL East, or just be another example to two bald men fighting over a comb? Is there any limit to the number of mundane rhetorical questions I can ask?

Roy Halladay will heave in the general direction of the Red Sox this evening, hoping to end a personal two game losing streak (!) while continuing his three game complete game streak. BJ Ryan and Jason Frasor were seen purchasing large books full of Sudoku and Kakuro at the Fenway T stop, while Jesse Carlson and Brian Tallet both planned to drop acid on the flight because "they had a couple days off and needed to blow off some steam."

I'm not in love with the matchup of Roy v. Red Sox. The heart of their order has pretty solid numbers against the Jays ace, and he hasn't been able to win for losing this year. The Red Sox will counter with the overrated yet inspirational Jon Lester. Yahoo's Jeff Passan blew Roy Halladay a kiss today in an article about complete games. Note the strange pink tint to Roy's jersey towards the end of the article.

Elsewhere

Last night I lined up to get Grand Theft Auto IV. While generally a straight-forward and painless process, I was gifted something from the cliche gods. The lineup at the Best Buy Gameshack was mostly 20 something dudes, normal in all respects. But the guy directly behind me was a geek/nerd/spazz of the highest order.

But wait, you might say. If you're both in the same line at midnight to buy a video game, doesn't that make you equally degenerate? Of course it does. But this fine young man had the greasy hair, bad skin and horrifically unironic glasses you would expect from a shitty MadTV sketch. Taking his geekdom from mild to transcendent was his choice of reading material. Hitman: My Real Life in the Cartoon World of Wrestling by Bret fucking Hart. It was almost too much to take. It made the experience of standing around to buy a video game somewhat tolerable. The game itself is pretty great, by the way. Many Russians have been punched and many more will meet a similar fate. Driving around committing crime while listening to Sheer Terror's Just Cant' Hate Enough is something everyone should do at some point in their life.

Through the Looking Glass

Quite an eventful day in the tedious build-up to real games. The important stuff is getting close, close enough to taste!

• An amazing site designed to debunk any and all myths regarding steroids and baseball. Required reading
  
• Josh Beckett chooses to gorge himself on Kobe beef at home, forgoes actual trip to Kobe
  
• Yankees - Rays go a round of handbags, mimic battle for third in the East this season
  
• DJF write something about Reed Johnson on a stall in the boys washroom, NY Post chump reads, posts on facebook
  
• Ichiro hitless in the Cactus League, at least one of the Four Horsemen has mounted up
  
• An old but interesting look at the ligament pimp of Birmingham

There is another news item that will be addressed later today, with the heaviest of hearts.