The Oriole Way

Anytime you can go into Baltimore and sweep the O's, you have a reason to celebrate. Like the rising of the Earth's yellow sun, the Orioles go out and lose themselves a ballgame nearly every day.

It isn't by accident either, the Orioles lose in ways you cannot really fathom. Consider Saturday's game, the sight of the now infamous spat between Clarence and closer Kevin Gregg. Obviously Gregg didn't have his best stuff, having loaded the bases with a mere one run lead. One integral part of that half inning that, against nearly any other team, could have changed the face of that entire ball game.

Gregg enters the game and proceeds to make All star whipping boy Ty Wigginton look downright foolish. Then it all changes. Gregg accomplishes the Herculean task of walking Adam Jones. Jones' lack of plate discipline is a bit of a bone of contention among the astute Orioles blogosphere. Jones has 11 total walks in nearly 400 plate appearances this year, good for a Cito-approved 2.9% walk rate. Warning sign number one that Gregg just ain't right, though their battle was a long one. Let's give credit to Jones here, just to be pricks.

Gregg then walks Felix Pie, not quite as unlikely as Jones but something that still takes effort. Real, concerted, shitty effort. Now Gregg is on the ropes, two walks to two so-so offensive players meaning the winning run now stands on first base with one out. In steps Scott Moore, a quad-A tweener who is most certainly not Brian Roberts, nor will he ever be.

With a struggling closer on the mound and the winning run on first base, what does mighty Scott Moore — he of 13 career extra base hits — opt to do? Swing at the first pitch he sees. Moore swings at the first pitch and meekly flew out to left field. One more important thing to note: this was Scott Moore: PINCH HITTER. Pinch hitting, cold off the bench, swung at the first pitch. Amazing.

Somewhat shockingly, Scott Moore got the start on Sunday, walking once while shouldering the scorn of his teammates, if they had any brains whatsoever. Sadly for Nick "Roccopoulos" Markakis, the Orioles have none brains. None. He is the tallest midget and it is a damn shame.

Blue Jays fans should take Moore's gift and remember that the Jays won on Saturday. The Orioles did not. They lost. They started Jeremy Guthrie this weekend and guess what? He gave up a home run. It has been written, he's the worst starter in the American League. For this, and for the arrival of Yunel Escobar, let us all be thankful.

AP photo courtesy of Daylife.

Relativity

What you see above is the first (FIRST!!1) comment on my Fangraphs Q & A session with the esteemed Carson Cistulli¹. While I certainly don't believe I whine about being a Blue Jays fan, "Kyle" brings up an interesting point: how much worse off are the O's than the Jays?

On the surface, one would say "a lot." The Orioles are abjectly awful and have been for years. But consider the criteria we use for success, consider the complaints generally lobbied against the Jays. No playoffs since 1993? The Orioles made the playoffs in both 1996 & 1997, the latter club winning 98 games. Sure, they haven't won even 80 games since then, but if your thought process is Playoffs or Bust; what's the difference?

The Rogers Dome is a sterile, unlovable concrete toilet bowl. Camden Yards is the blueprint and standard measuring stick for all retro themed baseball-specific playgrounds. Who's ahead here?

The Jays got 12 glorious years of Roy Halladay greatness, the Orioles had 300-odd seasons of demigod Cal Ripken anointing the sores on Dukie's feet. The RSN and Yankees take over both buildings so that's a wash.

The Orioles spend money on free agents (with generally hilarious results), if you listen to Jays Talk callers the Jays haven't done that since Jack Morris. The Jays win scads of "meaningless" games but that certainly doesn't sate the "meaningful baseball" hordes.

So what's the difference? Would you rather be the excellent also-ran or consistently pitiful doormat? Is there a difference? Are the Jays really no better than the Pirates or Nationals because the results, ultimately, are the same?

¹ - Please read this. It is no small amount of mind-blowing to see my name on Fangraphs in any capacity. Incalculable thanks to Carson Cistulli for including me.

God Bless the Orioles

The meth-addicted cousin that can't hold a job. The drunk guy on the subway that missed his stop. The friend that unironically quotes Austin Powers and insists on playing poker although he can barely count to 13. There is always someone around to make you feel better about yourself when you're feeling down.

One thing I'll say about the OriLOLs, they sure look good in a nice necktie.

Good thing hitting streaks are utterly pointless and silly, or else I'd be bummed that Scott Rolen's ended. Good thing.

Blue Jays Bullpen Inflicts Testiclular Torsion on Blogosphere

Regression to the Mean Streak

It is difficult (or at least it should be) to complain about the Jays bullpen, given how shutdown dominant they've been. Even goofy Pat Tabler could see the Jays pen labouring last night, repeatedly falling behind and missing spots over the plate. That is the nature of relief pitching though, mistakes are magnified. Shaum Marcum's line seemed better than he actually pitched. He threw a lot of pitches (for him) and always seemed to have guys on. But 7 innings and 1 run is still 7 innings and 1 run.

My question remains unanswered: why let Marcum start the 8th? Gibby is certainly a players manager, but LOOGYs exist to face tough lefties in late inning situations. Four run leads or otherwise. Brian Roberts is certainly a tough lefty. I'm going to go ahead and dub him a ballplayer. Guy whom I'd rather assault than praise Kevin Millar has beat up on the Jays this year, hitting two home runs including a second deck bomb last night. Nick Markakis is indeed the Greek Rocco, and encouraged all Jays pitchers to bite the pillow.

Roster Fallout

Armando Benitez was a low risk/high reward pick up from the start. The reward wasn't worth the risk any longer, given his calamitous outing yesterday and the Jays new-found health. Armando was DFA'd to make room for Brian Wolfe, Vernon Wells and Johnny fucking Mac. Joe Inglett will have to break out his flimsy, weather-beaten E-ZPass, as he's headed back to Da Cuse. I recommend he hit up Syra-juice for a sadness smoothie. Aaron Hill has something more serious than an ice cream headache, and he's frighteningly headed to the DL due to his concussion. Scary stuff, but if Ryan Church can be back and playing after this, Davey Eckstein's wing couldn't have done that much damage? I certainly hope not.

Today's Game

The less said the better. The O's are absolutely housing the Jays. Gibby has emptied the bench, even Salami and Cheese Thigpen is seeing action. Congrats Curtis, you're the new Hector Luna. Vernon Wells entered the game for Shannon Stewart in the second inning, which is good (bordering on shocking) to see. Stewart has struggled in June while Wilkerson has come back to life. Another thrust deep into Adam Lind's raw spot. Wilkerson is an obvious improvement defensively, and so long as JP keeps the car battery hooked up to his nipples, a serviceable left fielder at the bottom of the order.

Speaking of fielding, with almost identical sample sizes, Alex Rios has outperformed Vernon Wells as a center fielder in terms of Zone Rating and Range Factor. Interesting, no? Not a bad problem to have. Two plus outfielders sucking balls out of the poweralley at a rate unseen since my impovrished turn as a college student.

Pointless Update One: Vernon Wells hit a double, and even Curtis Thigpen picked up a single. No runs of course, but encouraging signs.

Pointless Update Two: Those hits came off Steve Trachsel, so they only count for half.

Pointless Update Three: Steve Trachsel is charged with a wild pitch, allowing two runners to move into scoring position. Wild is not a word usually associated with the Human Rain Delay. Even his wild pitches are boring and mundane. Kevin Mench passed out waiting for Trachsel to come set, but the pitch ricocheted off his bulbous skull into centre field allowing the Jays to score two. Trachsel has been pulled in favour of someone with a pulse and a soul.

Pointless Update Four: The Jays add two more with a Wells sac fly and a Scutaro fielder's choice. Cheap runs are all well and good, but those are valuable outs if one intends to make an 8 run comeback.

Final Pointless Update: The Jays had no intention of making an 8 run comeback. Thigpen strikes out looking with two out and a man on in a four run game. I think I need a Quaalude. Look for the Jays to emblazon their jerseys with GoldenPalace.com in the coming weeks. I'm done trying to make sense of it.