Teeny Tiny Doses of Context

Coming into tonight, the Jays bullpen ranked 10th in baseball for xFIP with the ninth most shutdowns, the eighth fewest meltdowns, the ninth best strikeout to walk ratio and the eighth best shutdown-to-meltdown ratio. They haven't been that bad, at all.

None of which means a damn thing when Frank Francisco cannot record a single out and poor Luiz Perez is left to face the Zombie Pronk while Rzepcynski eats cold cuts and cubes of cheese in the clubhouse.

I defended you, Frank Francisco! And you stabbed me in the back. You're officially dead to me. I would start a "Rzepczynski for Closer" movement but I don't think his poor left arm survives the season in that role.

The answer is obvious. The answer isn't pretty. The answer is the Sausage King of the Bullpen. Again.

I'm already working on a buddy film about Jason Frasor and John McDonald touring the continent, stealing jobs from overpaid and underperforming scumbags. It will be great, like Up in the Air but the opposite. Clooney as Johnny Mac? Sold.

Soft Skills

Jayson Nix made his return from the disabled list last night with a start at third base. The Jays, in honor of his return, put forth more effort kicking the ball around than I've seen from TFC in five years. These two things are not related but they do make me think about one player: John McDonald.

Thanks to numerous injuries around the infield, Johnny Mac already has 24 starts in 2011. All this exposure did a great job cementing what I should have known long ago: John McDonald is a joy we will not soon forgot and may never fully appreciate.

It strikes me as increasingly odd that the prevailing John McDonald narrative is an "up-from-the-bootstraps" story of perseverance. Watching John McDonald play nearly everyday — at nearly every infield position — it is abundantly clear to me that many things John McDonald does on the baseball diamond cannot be taught. They cannot be practiced, they cannot be learned. Chocking it up to hustle and determination does him, in my mind, a great disservice.

It might be stretching to say these abilities are innate but consider his comments from John Lott's excellent profile and companion piece (both of which do a great job of steering clear of the normal Johnny Mac cliche on top of being simply outstanding) when asked about anticipating balls off the bat:

...Watching how their swings are, and knowing what our pitcher’s doing, how well he’s locating his pitches. If pitches are down and in to a lefty, there’s a good chance they’re going to hook that hole to my left. You also try to anticipate through your pre-game work. The information that the coaches give you on the hitters, what they’re going to do, helps you lean in a certain direction, helps you get a jump, so sometimes you need to trust that.

The ability to think about the game in real-time like that is not a skill possessed by all baseball players. The ability to recognize its value is a separate skill all its own.

Lott's profile details the long hours spent improving footwork and learning the fine points of the middle infield. This time spent honing his craft is no different than the amount of time any given hitter puts into the cage learning about pitchers and their tendencies.

The preternatural way he transfers the ball from glove to hand and throws from off-balance and/or bizarre angles is not something you just pick up on the sandlot. This is not the stuff of "gym rats" but a special athlete with a skillset unique to his specific duty - preventing runs.

In many ways, McDonald makes me think of Edwin Encarnacion. EE puts in time with the Guru Butter and the results, well, they speak for themselves. If only it were that easy. Defense and fielding takes just as much skill as hitting. Edwin Encarnacion is a talented hitter and deeply flawed fielder - there are plenty of guys like that around baseball. Some are in the Hall of Fame, others made tens of millions of dollars in their career.

Hardly a hitter of this magnitude, Edwin Encarnacion wasn't wanting for work too long his winter and continues to play nearly every day. His defense is a punchline. His inability to field an affront to basic baseball skill. We deride EE for his ham-fisted fielding as though this is something he should have no trouble just picking up.

John McDonald does scrap and hustle and play the game the right way but first and foremost: he is a supremely talented baseball player. Very few people can do what he does on the field, not to mention staying healthy and ready to play at a moment's notice. With his 10 years of service time coming later this season, his future is secure as a fully-vested pension plan member.

Judging by what is written and said about him, Johnny Mac has a bright future in the game after his playing days finish. His legacy in Toronto as a fan favorite is secure, I just hope we're able to remember and honor him for what he is: one of the finest defensive players we will ever see.

Reuters image courtesy of Daylife.

A Crack in the Facade?

When fan hero and noted gloveman John McDonald signed a two-year deal this past offseason, many eyebrows jumped in shock. While the terms are peanutty (relatively), the second guaranteed year of the deal caused the most consternation among hardcore Blue Jays watchers.

The back and forth, uniquely web 2.0 as it was, about the curious second year being a waste of valuable resources or an essential non-issue grew tiresome instantly. Inconsequential as it may be; that 35 year old Johnny Mac is one of only three players under contract for 2011 stuck out. Something had to be up.

Something just might, in fact, be up. In the comment section of my slightly hysterical/poorly conceived Eric Hinske "don't make fun of his tattoos!!!!" post, an astute Anon noted that Mr. John McDonald currently posses 8 years of big league service time. (8.118 years, technically.)

So, all John McDonald needs to do is stick on the big league roster for the bulk of his deal with the Jays and boom: vested. Interesting, very interesting.

Occasionally the Drunks hilariously and on-the-nosingly refer to the Jays as Rogers Baseball Operations. Could this be a small example of the Jays doing right be a long-time soldier and favorite of the organization? Might his $1.5 million dollar pittance be returned in the form of a lifetime of minor league instructorhood or future bench bossery?

As unlikely as it seems, enough of the pieces fit to make it an enjoyable mental picture of backs slapped and hands shaken. Unless all our wildest dreams come true and Butterfield is named manager for 2011 season, I seriously doubt the PMoD's place on the roster is secure next year. A wasted roster spot as it might be, a lifetime of security isn't a bad thing to hope for a dedicated gym rat (or whatever the baseball equivalent of gym rat is) like Johnny McDonald.

Image of poor J-Mac pissing in the ocean courtesy of Reuters via Daylife.

I Saved Latin, What the Hell did You Ever Do?

The first Rocco Report of the spring! Rocco's in camp doing (and saying) Rocco-type things. Though he was only ranked as the 20th most important on the Sox roster by the Boston Globe, any team that employs brittle Seminole JD Drew and bitter semi-old guy Mark Kotsay is going to need all the outfield help they can get. Though it seems Rocco is taking it slow, exempting himself from certain conditioning exercises.

Rocco needs all our support, as he's down one key backer these days. I understand where our friend David Chalk is coming from; he's a Ray through and through. Rocco walked away from Tampa, and he left David's love behind. That's okay, he'll always be welcome around here.

Other stuff

• Those covetous bastards at 3:10 to Joba are making eyes at Roy Halladay. So is a guy that willfully writes about the Colorado Rockies. My rage knows no bounds.
  
• Jordan Bastian convinced Cito to rosterbate along with the rest of us. I shouldn't have to suggest that it's waaayy too early in the spring for this. But I guess that means Travis Snider makes the team? Note to Cito: leading off with Johnny Mac is probably worse than using Corey Patterson. Just sayin.
  
• I actually wrote something for Walkoff Walk, my first in weeks. And I included Brett Cecil! Check it out, I make fun of the KLAW!

Work Sucks - 1238289791837th Edition

Work sure does suck, but the little things get us by. John MacDonald's sublime transfer to throw out Brian Roberts in the 9th inning for example. It made my heart sing and might be the only thing getting me through to Saturday.

• Shaun Marcum being shut down for the year does not make my heart sing. It makes my heart leap into my throat in fact. The Ligament Pimp of Birmingham is on Marcum's case for the second time this year. I'm sure he's a nice guy, but getting to know him probably doesn't reflect well on your health.
• Obviously Scott Rolen's offensive season has been somewhat disappointing. He's been swinging the bat well in September, just like every other month this season save one. That is right, Scott Rolen has posted exactly ONE sub.800 OPS this season. Unfortunately, the one month was so bad it killed his rate stats for the season. It was awful in a crazy, Johnny Mac, .477 OPS way. As the Jays blogger meme dictates I mention; Troy Glaus has posted 3 months of sub .800 OPS (but two full months over .900)
• The Jays are playing the Red Sox AGAIN this weekend. I know Jays morale is a little low right now, and nobody wants to play spoiler, but I really hope the Jays take two of three from the Sox. I'd take great pleasure in seeing the Red Sox have to fly cross-country to face the Angels. Generally, fuck the Sox. Specifically too, if you have a couch people can't see under.

The final weekend series! This sucks. Hopefully I'll make it to Sunday's game, my final one of the year. I'll be Walkoff Walking in the meantime, please check it out. I had some fun last week, even picking on Yankees fans. Who doesn't enjoy that?

Return of the Mac

It doesn't matter that it's 6-6 in the bottom of the fifth or if the Jays win or lose tonight. Shaun Marcum is back and I for one couldn't be happier. With Jesse Litsch throwing what appears to be batting practice to most teams and the unpredictable John Parrish launching balls all over the field it'll be nice to see Marcum ease his way back into form and dominate opposing batters.

This just in - Johnny Mac is still fucking awesome.

Fuck Baltimore.

Oh, and to re-iterate something Lloyd has eloquently said before - Adam Lind is the
king of the universe...triple away from the cycle = good game.

Overblown, once again

Just like everything else in this city, this horseshit with A.J. Burnett is getting way the fuck overblown. It's Tuesday and we're still hearing about it. Leave it to Toronto media to turn it into a circus and spin it as the end of the fucking world. Were there no interesting Leaf stories to blather on about the past few days? Is A.J. Burnett a jackass? Probably. Who fucking cares. Yes, it's true, he is overpaid. As are dozens and dozens of pitchers across the league.

A.J. Burnett was asked a question. He proceeded to answer the question honestly, as you'd hope any professional athlete would. He then, gets lambasted by the entire fucking city for telling the truth. I suppose you'd rather the guy lie. Listen, it isn't his fault he's overpaid. Who's going to turn down million and millions of dollars if it's being thrown in his face. I sure the shit wouldn't, and neither would you.

Kudos to Steve Simmons for writing a load of garbage ripping Burnett along with JP and pointing out how we're now stuck in "another season of Blue Jay hope but not glory." He's bright enough to point out Burnett is a .500 pitcher something Toronto fans have never ever heard before. He then goes on to point out how our best players (Halladay, Wells and Rios) are all players left behind by Gord Ash. Evidently Shaun Marcum, Dustin McGowan, Scott Rolen, Lyle Overbay, BJ Ryan, Matt Stairs and Johnny Fucking Mac don't count for shit. It appears I'm not the only one thinking Simmons has no fucking clue as he gets his over at DJF as well.

The timing of Burnett's comments weren't probably great given the way the Jays have been playing, but why the massive backlash? I'm quite sure JP will entertain any potential offers for Burnett given they desperately need another bat or more to have any sort of hope. I'm not convinced they'll be any offers, then again, teams are always looking for mediocre pitchers they believe have upside to aid in a drive to the postseason.

It should be noted that I think A.J. Burnett is a douchebag for a variety of other reasons.

Blue Jays Bullpen Inflicts Testiclular Torsion on Blogosphere

Regression to the Mean Streak

It is difficult (or at least it should be) to complain about the Jays bullpen, given how shutdown dominant they've been. Even goofy Pat Tabler could see the Jays pen labouring last night, repeatedly falling behind and missing spots over the plate. That is the nature of relief pitching though, mistakes are magnified. Shaum Marcum's line seemed better than he actually pitched. He threw a lot of pitches (for him) and always seemed to have guys on. But 7 innings and 1 run is still 7 innings and 1 run.

My question remains unanswered: why let Marcum start the 8th? Gibby is certainly a players manager, but LOOGYs exist to face tough lefties in late inning situations. Four run leads or otherwise. Brian Roberts is certainly a tough lefty. I'm going to go ahead and dub him a ballplayer. Guy whom I'd rather assault than praise Kevin Millar has beat up on the Jays this year, hitting two home runs including a second deck bomb last night. Nick Markakis is indeed the Greek Rocco, and encouraged all Jays pitchers to bite the pillow.

Roster Fallout

Armando Benitez was a low risk/high reward pick up from the start. The reward wasn't worth the risk any longer, given his calamitous outing yesterday and the Jays new-found health. Armando was DFA'd to make room for Brian Wolfe, Vernon Wells and Johnny fucking Mac. Joe Inglett will have to break out his flimsy, weather-beaten E-ZPass, as he's headed back to Da Cuse. I recommend he hit up Syra-juice for a sadness smoothie. Aaron Hill has something more serious than an ice cream headache, and he's frighteningly headed to the DL due to his concussion. Scary stuff, but if Ryan Church can be back and playing after this, Davey Eckstein's wing couldn't have done that much damage? I certainly hope not.

Today's Game

The less said the better. The O's are absolutely housing the Jays. Gibby has emptied the bench, even Salami and Cheese Thigpen is seeing action. Congrats Curtis, you're the new Hector Luna. Vernon Wells entered the game for Shannon Stewart in the second inning, which is good (bordering on shocking) to see. Stewart has struggled in June while Wilkerson has come back to life. Another thrust deep into Adam Lind's raw spot. Wilkerson is an obvious improvement defensively, and so long as JP keeps the car battery hooked up to his nipples, a serviceable left fielder at the bottom of the order.

Speaking of fielding, with almost identical sample sizes, Alex Rios has outperformed Vernon Wells as a center fielder in terms of Zone Rating and Range Factor. Interesting, no? Not a bad problem to have. Two plus outfielders sucking balls out of the poweralley at a rate unseen since my impovrished turn as a college student.

Pointless Update One: Vernon Wells hit a double, and even Curtis Thigpen picked up a single. No runs of course, but encouraging signs.

Pointless Update Two: Those hits came off Steve Trachsel, so they only count for half.

Pointless Update Three: Steve Trachsel is charged with a wild pitch, allowing two runners to move into scoring position. Wild is not a word usually associated with the Human Rain Delay. Even his wild pitches are boring and mundane. Kevin Mench passed out waiting for Trachsel to come set, but the pitch ricocheted off his bulbous skull into centre field allowing the Jays to score two. Trachsel has been pulled in favour of someone with a pulse and a soul.

Pointless Update Four: The Jays add two more with a Wells sac fly and a Scutaro fielder's choice. Cheap runs are all well and good, but those are valuable outs if one intends to make an 8 run comeback.

Final Pointless Update: The Jays had no intention of making an 8 run comeback. Thigpen strikes out looking with two out and a man on in a four run game. I think I need a Quaalude. Look for the Jays to emblazon their jerseys with GoldenPalace.com in the coming weeks. I'm done trying to make sense of it.

How can we free Johnny Mac now?

BAH!

It's likely John McDonald is heading to the DL after suffering what is being called a "high ankle sprain" last night. I suppose you could call that a good thing given how bad the injury actually looked at the time. The timing of this injury is the worst as David Eckstein was sucking just about long enough to ensure Johnny Mac of some more playing time, especially in the field. Now with Eckstein hampered by a hip flexor, the Jays may called up Jorge Velandia or Pedro Lopez from Triple-A.

Cheers to David Chalk over at bugs and cranks for pointing out my incorrect preseason assessment of Eric Hinske. It saddens me to see him tear apart Jay pitching night after night, and I long for the day he returns to being horrendous. I'm sure that isn't too far down the road.

UPDATE - Stoeten over at DJF posted an update via Wilner at the Fan that if so, is the best thing I've heard tonight.

Not to be denied

Roy Halladay wasn't going to go out and throw another gem and come away with the loss. I was pretty sure of that. David Eckstein did his best to try and saddle Roy with the loss. His brutal throw after an Orlando Cabrera grounder pulled Lyle Overbay off the bag at first and paved the way for a three run third for the Sox. We all know how that shit could have been avoided.

That was all the Sox could muster, and the Jays ran their winning streak to four behind the continued brilliance of their pitching staff. Jesse Carlson came in and continued to baffle opposing hitters, while Jeremy Accardo and Scott downs came in and shut the door in the ninth.

One more thing I'm sure of: the OPS express will get his bat going soon and make everyone finally shut the hell up about Reed Johnson. I will add, and am unhappy to do so, that Shannon Stewart has been a huge disappointment, but not all calculated moves always work out.

Extraneous Thoughts from The Ballpark

I think I'm running out of ways to describe the dominance of this pitching staff.

Mark Buehrle is a left handed homeless man's Roy Halladay
Not a homeless left handed man like Jesse Orosco, Arthur Rhodes or Mike Stanton, I mean he does a reasonable Roy Halladay impression. Works quick, throws strikes.

Orlando Cabrera is swarthy man's John McDonald
They each made jaw-dropping plays during the game. I'll give Johnny Mac the edge because I want to. Seeing him in the lineup made me all warm and tingly. Again, not that it means anything, but the Jays are now 4-1 when he starts at short. David Eckstein, though he didn't play, still managed to piss me off. At the end of the game as the Jays walked out to exchange pleasantries, the Weasel made a big production of HUSTLING TO BE FIRST IN THE HANDSHAKE LINE. I don't know why, but it made my want to rush the field and rain blows down upon him.

Shawn Marcum will throw you any pitch in any count
He just doesn't care. One thing I worry about is the whole "I was really sick" story that seems to appear every time he has a great outing. We already love you Stieb-lite, you don't have to force the issue.

Closer by Commitee - Heart attack on Demand
Me - Awesome, top of nine. Somebody make the scoreboard explode, it's Bo Junior o'clock. Oh wait, he pitched yesterday. Wait, who the fuck is that on the mound? Shawn Camp? Mother of god. Now they're bringing in Shutter Downs? Isn't his arm broken or something? Give me strength. I will concur with the Reverend and say that Jesse Carlson is straight-up boner fodder. In my mind he's becoming Andrew WK. Hey you, let's party. Carlson's going to have a party tonight.

The Rogers Center reminds me of a cemetery for librarians
No fanfare preceeded the top of the 9th. You'd think that this team leading a game in the late innings was commonplace. The Rogers Center was dead last night. The stupid wave appeared in a 2-0 game in the top of the eighth inning. I'm going to start a fire. Though the fat dudes who spent 8 innings yelling variations of "You suck Cox" to the Sox third base coach deserve some credit. No, they actually deserve public flogging. Hey fat people, stop being fat. It's gross.

Fun in Real Time (Saturday's Game from my desk at work)
Who knew? Another Jay start, another outstanding performance. Jesse Litsch used his phone to take a picture of his red rocket. He then sent that picture to David Purcey. You won't steal his job that easily Dave. Jays scored runs, even hit a home run. Alex Rios just stole third off of a very expensive reliever. Aaron Hill is the streakiest hitter on the team, and maybe in the world. BO JUNIOR! SLIPKNOT! FIRE! JIM THOME IS BIGGER THAN THE BATTERS BOX! Rehabbing BJ Ryan is officially a top-stepper. WINNING STREAK! QUALITY STARTS! SUPERLATIVES!

Offense is overrated

Just ask him.

I'm going to continue to tell myself that so long as the Jays staff continues to shut opposing teams the hell out. Sure the Jays went 1-7 on their most recent road trip and managed a comedic .093 average with runners in scoring position.

The entire staff has been lights the fuck out recently, and there is no reason to believe that this won't continue. I'm not sure there are many left handed hitters in the league that could get a hit off Jesse Carlson outside of it being an accident.

Sure, there are still no bats and they are still relatively inept in the clutch but even when opposing teams put the ball in play, there are no guarantees. Scott Rolen is a brick wall at third, and I'm quite positive John McDonald gave many fans boners this evening with that play late in the game on the diving miss from Rolen.

A win is a win, whether it's 2-0 or 15-11. I could care less how they get them, and I think we may see more of the former, but as the cliche goes: "Great pitching wins championships." Am I getting ahead of myself? Absolutely, but isn't everyone?

Haven't I seen this before?

I'm pretty sure I did. I clearly remember sitting here on my couch watching the Jays lose to the Red Sox in the bottom of the ninth on a single up the middle. Although, who'd really expect to win games when you can't actually get players across home plate. Really, that is the goal of baseball, to get as many of your players to cross home, hopefully more often than the other team resulting in victory. Sadly, it appears they have forgotten just how to do this, resulting in yet another wasted pitching effort, this time by Dustin McGowan.

There isn't much more that can be said. If you don't score runs, you're not going to win very often. Last time I checked, scoring once or twice a game just doesn't cut it. McGowan continues to show that he just may have the stuff to be a #1 one day, and I for one am not at all surprised. David Eckstein continues doing a great job of getting out, and it seems he's shown Vernon Wells, Lyle Overbay and Aaron Hill how to go about doing it as well.

Watching Johnny Mac come in to pinch run and subsequently get picked off was indicative of just how it's been going lately for this team, and I can only imagine they feel like complete ass at this point.

ON THE SIDE -

The Habs lose to the horseshit Flyers. If there is a team I dislike more in professional sports, I'm can't think of it. Fuck Bobby Clarke.

The Phillies lose, like I give a shit. However, Ryan Howard continues to look like a complete waste of skin. Glad I picked him in the pool. He's batting .172

John Smoltz goes on the 15 day DL and indicates he'll come back as a reliever. Awesome, another blow to my shit dick fantasy team.

An all England Champions League final. Fucking right.

Other stuff is going on as well, but I have no time for any of it.

Look! I've Happened Upon Some Cherries

Perhaps I shall pick them.

Toronto Blue Jays record in games started by John MacDonald at shortstop --> 3-1. That doesn't necessarily mean anything, but it suits my agenda, so I will abuse that tiny sample size/insignificant fact for all it's worth. Which isn't much.

Here is a startling bit of news: Johnny Mac isn't a great hitter. He did have a double and a run scored yesterday, but he's no Ernie Banks. More news: David Eckstein can't hit either. Maybe I'm crazy, but flaccid bat + virile glove + hitting 9th with no questions asked is greater than half-stock bat + insipid glove + giant hole at the top of the order until someone dies.

While this unscientific data may help me preach to the choir, the Toronto Blue Jays accountants see only dollar signs. Eckstein is being paid $4.5 million this season, McDonald $1.9 (we shouldn't discount the $50 000 bonus if J Mac were to be named MVP. The same bonus he would be awarded for a Gold Glove. Time for a new agent.)

Maybe there is more to it than the team getting a return on its investment. Perhaps it has to do with promises kept. David Eckstein took a discounted, one year contract from the Blue Jays after a sufficient multi-year deal failed to materialize from the Cardinals. JP and the Jays got him on the cheap, and likely promised him all the AB's he could ever want. He gets the opportunity to earn a bigger, longer contract somewhere else while the Jays make good on a promise to a free agent. A detail that JP wouldn't be ashamed to point out to future free agents in the negotiation process. A shrewd, wise move for everyone.

Except me. Free Johnny Mac.

Golly Gee Fellas

Shucks guys, I sure wish I'd caught that ball. I tried and tried, but I just couldn't squeeze it. I know the kindly old man on the radio said the ump was in the way, but if only I'd hung in and ground out that inning ending double play.

And earlier in the game, I gave it all I had, but gosh darn it if my throw didn't make it anywhere close to first base. Maybe they made this diamond bigger here in Kansas City. Lol! Those waterfalls sure are swell though.

I'm really glad to have Scotty back beside me. He's as big as a house! I got so used to piggybacking his defense, I couldn't wait for him to get back. He'll protect me from the other boys' teasing as well. Always trying to rub my weird noggin for luck. AJ was picking on me the most, all month. He kept trying to kick me in the balls, saying I'd turn into 8 squirrels and run off into the forest. Last night, he wasn't teasing though. He just kept staring at me, mouthing the words sock-chucker. He must mean my bad throw in the seventh. I can't say that I blame him. It was pretty pathetic.

Everybody in Toronto really seems to like Mr. McDonald. He's okay, I guess. He spends a lot of time in a rocking chair in front of his locker, staring out at the field. The other day I saw him sharpening a knife with a strange smirk on his face. I wonder what that means? He kept saying "almost time to go to work, almost time to go to work."

I just need to keep on swinging the bat like I can, and everything will be alright in the end. What's that skip? You want to see me in your office? Sure thing, Skip!

Ceteris Paribus

The Reverend is officially ass busy with the onset of spring and foolish retired people at his club. I however will try and get posts in, though they could be sparse over the next couple of weeks.

Shaun Marcum getting off to this start doesn't surprise me one bit. If you watched enough of him last year, it was clear he had command, the ability to locate along with decent stuff. Last time I checked, that shit wins you games.

As for Eckstein, Wilner does indeed have it right. However he's not pointing out anything that I would hope most Jays fans realize. Take one look down their lineup. It's fairly evident Eckstein isn't one of the better hitters. I would hope there isn't anyone out there thinking otherwise to begin with. There are two things that are indeed true. John McDonald can't fucking hit either and David Eckstein is in fact a better hitter than he is, the numbers don't lie. In no way am I taking anything away from McDonald, who has shown he can play a ridiculous shortstop. I wouldn't have Eckstein batting leadoff either.

If the Jays play as they have been, good things will come.

Alex Rodriguez hit a dinger tonight that had some importance as if I, or anyone really, gives a fuck. The Yanks were up 7-3 going into the top of the 5th and, oops,
gave up 6 runs. Clowns.

UPDATE - Evidently neither of these idiot teams feel like trying tonight as it's
11-9 Yankees after five. Way to play guys.

Fuck everyone, I'm golfing tomorrow.

FJM

I tried and I tried but I just couldn't find the Johnny Mac play from the weekend sweep of the scum sox to post for all to see over and over again. Sure he K'd three times and steam rolled Vernon, but I don't think there are many, or any other shortstops who make that play.

Free Johnny Mac.

Hurry Hard!

I didn't see today's game, but Josh Beckett's obesity came oozing through Gamechannel. Roy Halladay gave up an alarming number of (solo) home runs, but F the T picked him up with a grand slam in the fifth. And it was a fastball! Which missed by a foot. But still, he hit it a long ass way. He was rewarded with a curtain call and an entire wild boar on the post game spread. Just for him. No sharing with Matt Stairs or nuthin.

One glaring negative for the Jays were the season-high four runs allowed today. Wait, four runs total? Jesus, the pitching has been retarded. They have given up 17 runs in 6 games against the Yankees and the Red Sox. Jeremy Accardo picked up the perspiration-scented save. He allowed the tying run to come to the plate, but had the good fortune of it being Julio Lugo. Game over Dr. Strangeglove

John McDonald received a day pass from Eckstein hell, and did Johnny Macish things. He drew a walk(!), made a ridiculous play and nearly killed Vernon Wells. Sounds like a good day at the office. In the media scrum following the game, Gibby said Eckstein had the day off because of a Lollipop Guild union meeting this afternoon.

Doyle Brunson

Some reflections on today's game, a sound drubbing of an over-traveled Red Sox team. I was decidedly more sober attentive today and enjoyed the on-field product that much more.

• As much as I hate to admit it, David Eckstein was a factor today. He still hasn't hit a ball hard all season, but his little excuse me single to right landed him two RBIs. I will begrudgingly admit that his hustle induced Julio Lugo's bad throw and deprived Sean Casey the time to apply the tag. Still, fuck David Eckstein. He was thrown out trying to steal by about 10 feet in the first.
  
• Clay Bucholtz is for real. Despite his rough spring, he looked pretty good today. He appeared to exclusively throw offspeed pitches, even in fastball counts. The Jays seemed legitimately worried about scoring runs, bringing the infield in with the game tied in the fourth.
  
• There were waayyy more Red Sox fans in attendance today. During an in-game video, one of the dedicated/knowledgeable traveling fans referred to the Jays as "the Toronto team". Right. Red Sox Nation is more like a fun club to join, baseball is obviously secondary.
  
• Lyle Overbay is bound and determined to make me love him. He's raking, it's great.
  
• A Buck Coats sighting almost made up for the lack of Johnny Mac and Brandon League the last two days. Almost. Free Johnny Mac.
  
• I drank a lot last night. Like, a lot. Today wasn't fun, and no amount of Bud Light (ugh) could salvage it.

Josh Beckett makes his first start of the year tomorrow. I wonder if he's shed his glorious winter weight yet?

Agree to Disagree

Gosh guys, I'm real sorry I keep getting out against the Yankees. I try and try and try, but the darn ball won't go out of the infield.

I know it looks bad now, but you better believe I'll keep going up and taking my hacks. All my career, people have told me I'm not good enough. Even now, when it is abundantly clear that they're right, I'll still give 110% every night. That may only add up to 80% of a real big leaguer, but at least I'm doing my best.

Yessireebob, I'll take my cuts, I may only hit a dribbler that barely makes the pitcher, but golly gee, I'll sure run my tukas off to firstbase. You know why? Because you just never know what might happen. Every time I ground into a double play, I think back to the words of Joe DiMaggio "There is always some kid who may be seeing me for the first or last time, I owe him my best." I too, owe those kids MY best, even though most of the kids are saying "Daddy, why is the ballboy playing shortstop" or "Dad, that player looks like the kid from my class with mittens pinned to his coat in July".

I know I'm no Joe DiMaggio, and once a kid actually cried when I showed up for an autograph session because I "wasn't a real player", but I've got a job to do. And no matter how clearly over matched I am, no matter if I'm the lesser of two offensive evils and defensively inferior to the guy behind me, I'll just keep humping it around the bases. It's my duty.