A Note for the Cibians

The Star's Richard Griffin took a lot of heat on Twitter last night when he posted a throwaway comment about Aaron Cibia's catcher ERA (It isn't good, unlike Griff's Jamaican flag twitter background, which is amazing.) While this tweet was surely accompanied by a knowing smirk, a small part of me worries he might not be all wrong.

Above is a screen grab (from Gameday, holla!) of Arencibia's target as Marcum prepared to deliver to J.D. Drew. The pitch, I don't think I need to remind you, traveled some 450 feet and put a sweet dent in the facing of the second deck. If you look closely you'll notice the target provided by Arencibia is no target at all.

The San Francisco Giants held can't-miss stud Buster Posey out of the big league lineup for far too long this season, citing his unpolished defensive skills. While the Giants generally operate on a "don't do what we do" basis, maybe they were on to something.

Scouts praise Arencibia's improved defense and the Jays don't seem too worried about it. Providing a strong target is a tiny, mostly insignificant piece of the defensive puzzle; but you do tend to hear ex-catchers and pitchers in the broadcast booth rave about certain catcher's ability to provide a big target.

Maybe it's nothing, maybe it's something. But given the results and the photographic evidence, this should be an easy fix to eliminate at least one possible cause of consecutive bad outings.

Life Vests Float, Kids Don't

With all the trade bullshit coming to a head and the seemingly unanimous sentiment that JP Ricciardi's days are numbered in Toronto I find it interesting that the Jays are pulling into Seattle. The Seattle Mariners and the Toronto Blue Jays have many things in common, the least of which being their simultaneous entry to the American League. The Mariners overachieved with a poorly conceived roster only to historically fall to Earth in 2008 as the only $100 million dollar team to lose 100 games. The Jays always seem to underachieve both their optical expectations (the ifs ands & buts) as well as their numerical expectations (will you look at that, they're doing it again!)

The single most important difference between these two teams right now is at General Manager. The Mariners made a move to bring in a new man this year (though it almost wasn't a man), Jack Zduriencik, and he quickly made an impression. Jack Z's moves continue to trim incredible amounts of fat from the M's roster. A few bold trades, a vital fleecing of the Royals and the Mariners are headed in the right direction. They're by no means there, but they seem to have a plan. Which brings me back to JP.

To believe that any one man or organization has a master plan, takes an incredibly wide view of move A begets move B begets move C begets PLAYOFFS! is, in my mind, a little naive. Equally naivete is required to look at the Jays on field product, farm system and draft record and deny this team, this organization has a distinct PHILOSOPHY of what they feel Blue Jays baseball is and how much it will cost. I'll get into that a little deeper in the future if the powers-that-be find it in their infinite wisdom to allow it.

While touristy columnists love to take shots at JP's lack of a plan, I don't think it's true, on a macro scale anyway. The true failings of JP Ricciardi are the microplans; the individual pieces here and there that added up to missed opportunity or stubborn refusal to cut bait. We all love to point to Tampa's minor league contract successes as ways JP fails. To paraphrase Mike Wilner; not all minor league deals are created equal. When Tampa invites Carlos Pena to camp it is the promise of a full time job that gets him there. If JP pledges a starting role to Travis Snider, he can't offer any veteran bat of substance any guarantees beyond "we'll call you if we need you." It isn't an inability to find adequate diamonds in the rough, it's shoving Snider out there without any sort of contingency plan. JP, Arnsberg, and the lot do an exception job of this within the pitching ranks, creating a constant state of competition for 5 precious rotation spots. If health isn't a factor, there could well be 10 pitchers (Marcum, Listch, Cecil, Mills, Purcey, McGowan, Rzepczynski, Romero, Ray, Janssen) competing for 4 starting slots next year. We all know where the other one is going.

PS. Any more "make Cecil the closer" talk and I'll probably lose my mind. Stop it. Just stop. I don't care who you are, you sound like an idiot. You don't turn a big tall lefty with a four pitch mix into a closer unless you are burning money. If you don't think League can do it fine, but don't send good money after bad by wasting Cecil.

I pay pretty close attention to the Mariners; there is no better way to do so than by reading U.S.S Mariner. One tidbit I gleaned from their site earlier this season was this: all players have limitations. Putting players into situations you know they can't succeed in isn't their fault, it's yours. Part of having a "plan" is making use of all 25 spots to craft a successful team. In an ideal world you'd have a team full of 5 tool studs without handedness splits, but that doesn't happen. Not on a budget, not with all the money in the world.

If you have a weakness, be it a player's inability to hit same handed pitching, put together a decent enough hot streak to hide his inadequacies, or field one position well, you'd better have a complimentary or off-setting piece ready to plug in that instance. Jose Bautista's ability to play numerous positions coupled with his ability to stand at the plate and hope for a walk is something, Kevin Millar's ability to run into a fastball a month is nothing. Teams like the Red Sox do this exceptionally well because they can afford to and because players will take less to play there. How many teams would Rocco start for (health aside)? He's just an example of their ability to get the most out of all their pieces, both in his contributions and the ability for he and JD Drew to spare each others brittle bones.

Last year we saw the inability to acknowledge Mencherson's obvious failings hurt the team in the long run. We learned that cutting Frank Thomas lose was a fair bit of business and an understandable move. If you don't see the value in this move and are willing to criticize it, please stop. The deal Thomas signed was very team-friendly and was executed exactly to plan. But the refusal of Blue Jays management and their inability to move on past "their guys" is a hindrance. Make no mistake, whether JP drafted them or not, the moment they sign a new contract under him they become his guys. His choices, his problem.

What is all this about? Am I advocating replacing JP with someone that can make better decisions on a micro scale while building on the strong base provided? Maybe. A glorywhore like Pat Gillick could ride in, pull the trigger on one significant trade and be thought of as the white knight that saved baseball once again. But make no mistake, whoever is chosen as the replacement is set up for future success by the philosophy of the current regime. It is just too bad we're left to "suffer" the consequences of failing to sweat the small stuff.

Ranking Up the Joint

Good old Fangraphs, the fertilizer that helps little ghostrunners grow, has been running down and ranking each front office based on several subjective categories. Your Toronto Blue Jays landed in 20th place, the bottom end of the middle! The grades break down thusly:

• Ownership: C+
• Front Office: C
• Major League Talent: C+
• Minor League Talent: B
• Overall: C+

Somewhat disappointing, but hardly unexpected. Dave Cameron credits JP with building a top tier bullpen with castaways and misfits, though he warns the continuing brain drain from Toronto is a sign people are dying to get away from JP. He summarizes the Jays chances and other things you already know in a terrifying, succinct manner:

However, from a macro perspective, the team has enough flaws to make them significant longshots to keep up with the New York/Boston/Tampa triumvirate in 2009, and another year of middling success might not save Ricciardi’s job. The Jays are in a tough division, but as the Rays have shown, a well run organization can overcome competition. The Jays don’t qualify as a well run organization right now.

Sigh. I'm not too worried about it. I will be shocked if the Red Sox aren't number 1 with the Rays in the top 5 in the this ranking. Who cares, you may ask? Scott Rolen, Roy Halladay and Travis fucking Snider sure as shit don't, they're too busy being awesome.

The Canadian Disease

My boy eyebeleaf is nothing if not determined. His straight up posi-vibe reminds me of a Time Flies show I didn't attend. But just as flagrantly ripping off Gorilla Biscuits and Chain of Strength seems like a good idea, pining for Jason Bay is not a good thing.

Jason Bay is on the wrong side of thirty (aren't we all?) staring at a contract year in a hitter's ballpark. Not one single element of that sentence excites me in the slightest. He's pretty poor defensively, and with all the young talent coming up, there isn't room for Vernon Wells's shittier, whiter brother. Sorry I-B-Leave, I love ya, but let's get together and stretch our boners for somebody young and awesome like Russ Martin or JOEY VOTTO. That I can get behind. Or in front of, I'm not to fussy on control, man.

Grumble Grumble Elliot Grumble

Bob Elliot is a true solider for Canadian baseball, working hard for 30 years to bring Canadian baseball stories to the light of day. The fine gentlemen of Bluebird Banter got him to answer some questions recently and it makes for a fine read. I must comment that this conversation obviously took place over email as nobody talks like Hemingway writes. Stac-ca-to Elliot. The Bluebird Banter guys are all professional and stuff, and have been bringing the goods all spring long.

Other things

• The Baseball Analysts have been, uh, analyzing baseball and come up with some pretty interesting pitch location information. And the graphs are really pretty. The latest examines home run rate by pitch location. Down and in to a lefty isn't a good idea. Low and away to anyone is always a good idea.
• Yankee season ticket holder climbs atop soapbox, tells world new stadiums aren't always a parade of greatness. Is promptly raped by wallaby and mouth-breathing commenters.
• Patton Oswalt is king of the geeks, orders his subjects to shape up.
• Alex Rodriquez in the second round? Felix Hernandez in the fourth? Ubaldo Jimenez in the fifteenth??? My fantasy team is pretty great.

Reverse one and a half somersaults with three and a half twists, in the Free position

J.P. Riccardi, our Lord and master, has decided that competing in the American League East is not enough of a task. He's opted to add some degrees of difficulty. Already hamstrung with a shrinking budget, JP's turned to the scrap heap in his search of available talent. This method has merit, but I'm beginning to question some of the acquisitions. In general: Really old Japanese guys. Specifically: Matt Bush.

A guy picked first overall is obviously a good athlete, but a no bat shortstop turned pitcher at age 22? Sounds dubious. I recognize that Shaun Marcum was a similar case, but he pitched in college and isn't a huge douchebag. I'm all for plugging holes with no cost/no risk projects, but what is Matt Bush's ceiling? Double A roster filler? Aren't there dozens and dozens of dudes, far hungrier having missed out on signing bonus money, that could fill the exact same non-role? A guy like Bryan Bullington I get, and support. Matt Bush just leaves a sour taste in my mouth.

On Controversy

I have very little to say about Alomar & Rodriquez. Just know this: the amount of outrage & coverage that an alleged steroid abuser gets compared to KNOWN wife beaters and drunk drivers is disgusting. Will Tony LaRussa be kept out of the Hall of Fame after putting numerous innocent people's lives at risk? Absolutely not. Sports are important, and a huge part of all our lives. But when my first thought is "I wonder how this will affect his legacy" not "what a horrible set of accusations, if they're true he's one of the worst humans on Earth" I wish it was less-so.

Announcements and Linkage

• O an we twitterin. Yup, follow me on Twitter where I will regale you with tales of Baron Davis's awesomeness and hopefully baseball type stuff too. As a bonus, you'll learn what it's like to be nocturnal!
  
• Shitty neighbours are the worst. Good thing my mom insulated her basement long ago, I would have been arrested for calling Johan Santana a "motherfucker" about 1000 times while playing MVP Baseball.
  
• Rob Iracane makes an impassioned plea for Bud Selig to get his head out of his ass. Jeff Blair shoots fish in a barrel full of fish and blames agents. Business people aren't cool.
  
• Fangraphs adds outfield arms to their defensive metrics. More good stuff from my go-to nerditry site. Though I wish their numbers loved the Jays as much as Bill James and The Hardball Times metrics do. I enjoy cherries when they are easily picked.

Short Shrift for Shortstops

I want to play a game.

Which of my lies will you believe today?

Would you believe that I really need to be knocked over to improve on my barely league average, 33 year old utility man turned starting shortstop?

You know that can't be true, don't you? I've built up quite a cache of gritty dirtdogs here, but I can't get enough. Just like that little weasel said, I love collecting guys that remind me of myself. Minus the huge balls of course. Had I advanced past the bush leagues, I would have led the league in fuck yous while these raisin nutted-fruitcakes wait for the clock to strike twelve on the fetid pumpkin that is their career.

I don't care what you limp-dicked pencil pushers say, I've got plenty of quality kids in the pipeline. J-Jack? He's going to grab Efron-level ass all his way to the show. I drafted that shit. I built this team with my bare fucking hands. You see how many games we won this year? You see our run differential? I built a winner, baby. And my starting shortstop with an OPS+ of 87 coming off a defensive career year is my key to victory.

I know that guys with high ceilings, slightly off-putting yet completely manageable contracts and deceiving names are out there on the market. I know that renting a positional upgrade until the one true prospect I have meanders to the big leagues won't really improve my team. But that isn't why I refuse to make the move Suzy.

I've been here long enough, I moved all these into place pawns. If I give one up, I'm admitting defeat, I'm admitting that I failed. We all know I sure as shit don't do that. I don't have the privilege of hindsight, I get to decide which way the wind is blowing before I make up my mind. I could figure it out in a second, let me pull down my pants, I bet your wife's spit is still fresh.

When I crow about the flexibility of my sundry journeymen, you think I'm talking about multi-positional talent? It's straight cash, homey.

Yankees Exhaust the Minute Amount of Sentimental Currency I Lent Them

Annnnnddddddddd, we're back. Guess what? I still hate the Yankees with the fire of a thousand hobo stoves burning outside TODITB. They send out the "B" team and the Jays were stupefied. No Rodriquez, no Jeter, no Damon. Phil Hughes flew the Spruce Goose of hype right through the Blue Jays bats. Not even AJ Burnett and his Hammer of Doom could keep the Yankees at bay. Scott Rolen, he of the excellent September, tried as well; it simply wasn't happening.

I don't blame Jesse Carlson for the King Dong he served up, he loaded the bases so a run was likely. He threw 35 pitches last night, his highest total since April. He hit two guys, walked one and somehow the only lefty he retired was actively trying to speed up the process. Maybe the second inning was too much at the end of the season? But injuries, spot starts and Tallet's two innings the night before didn't leave Cito much choice.

Wednesday's With JP - Out with a Whimper

How sad, the final JP call-in of the year. Will the Jays flaccid stretch to end the season weigh heavy on the minds of the Wilner's disciples? I hope so, because I didn't get to see Baroness last night thanks to work responsibilities. My frustrations and hatred for my employment will all be revisited upon the heads of the lowest form of life; people I've never met! Healthy, wealthy, and wise am I.

Historian of the things you already know: If you fellas don't mind, I'm going to prattle on here for a good week, give you AJ's bio and regurgitate some stuff I read in the paper. Ignoring the obvious fact that no human would leave the kind of money AJ will be offered to stay with any company, no matter the circumstances, do you think he'll stay here because he's just figured out his preferred route to work? I know that once I changed jobs and I spent a good four years trying to figure out the quickest rou...

Voodoo Economics: I'm going to offer you a job my friend. Today is your lucky day. Based on your one call, I've decided to offer you a job here with the Toronto Blue Jays at 140% of your current pay. It is much more prestigious and we'll offer you lots of cool stuff as well. Would you accept? What if you current employer asked really nicely? You can start on Monday, I'll schedule the press conference.

JP and Mike chat about AJ's agent and the nature of players going through free agency for a second time. JP says nice things about the agent in a vain attempt to curry favour. No dice, you'll pay JP.

Tendons litter the Rogers Centre Floor: Everybody's hurt! Who's coming to save us all? If the pitching gets worse they'll lose 100 games!

Horatio Hornblower: Mike do you feel a draft? It feels drafty in here, but I like it. I thrive in drafty conditions. Cecil, Mills, others.

JP and Mike then discuss Arenciba taking BP. What a shock, JP says it went swimmingly. He hit balls to all fields, healed the sick and taught BJ Ryan to throw a knuckle ball.

Corporate Synergy Enjoyed by All: Should I sell my Rogers stocks? Where do they rank the Blue Jays? Is signing up for a three year data plan more meaningful than buying season tickets?

JP is in the blond girl's 5: Even I don't know that. They don't tell me anything. One thing I do know, MY5 is a great calling feature that lets you create your own calling circle...

The Longing: Who did you let go that you wish you coulda had?

The Yearning: Ted Lilly only tried to convert himself to a submariner mid-game and fight the manager mid-game once each. He'd be cool to have around.

Mikey mentions keeping Delgado before the money started flowing. My heart broke just a little. He also mentions Aaron Hill being with the team and looking good. My heart can take no more.

Cormac O'Reilly: Since the Famine, me 15 wee'uns and I like to go down the Rogers ground for Two Shilling Tuesday. Little Seany often tunes into the games at night, keeping the 7 children he shares a bed with up until all hours. Me kids love baseball, even more than Gaelic football! They want to know how the players get to the games? We were walking barefoot to Regan's First Communion and we saw a limousine. Were the players inside?

Wacking Day: Everyone loves baseball my spud-eating friend. The players ride their dump trucks powered by orphan tears to each game. On the road, we grease the streets with kitten blood and slide on our knees in Kevlar suits right into the ballpark. It's hard to find a hotel uphill sometimes.

Admitted Fairweather Fan: I read Ghostrunner on First all the time, and agree with the dashing young champion of Cito's cause. Why does he fall in love with guys in set "roles?"

Power Struggle: His job is more secure than mine. He can do whatever he wants.

A Betting Man: JP! I need the inside track! Who's going to win the World Series???? The wolves are literally at my door. My bookie has a wolf like Frodo in Sin City!

Tipster There: SWEEEET CARE-OH-LINE! BAP BAP BAHHHHHHHHH! Bring back NOMAH!

Baseball Insider: Regrets? You've had a few? Best transaction?

Humble JP: I made a deposit at the bank of YOMAMMA last night. Zing!

JP's Blackberry is going off AGAIN! The fuck man?

Guy already planning next year's fantasy draft: Who's on the free agent market?

JP: AJ Burnett. We aren't in the running?

MILB.com's webmaster: I'm already planning 2012's fantasy draft. Who should I keep my eye on for my 40 man roster only team?

J-Jack: We have lots of good young men. They're good. And young! Tolisano sounds awesome. Go here, they know the youth.

WBC! Coming Soon to a Rogers Property Near You! Catch the fever! Buy the ticket!

Justify my love: Lot's of our guys are good. People want them to play on their team. Scott Richmond has a chance to play for Canada. BURN GRIFF. JP BURNED YOU.

Pissed Jeans: OMGJPwhatareyougoingtodoaboutthepitcherseverybodyishurtwhenwilltheycomeback?

Speaks fluent Teenager: We're going to be young.

Wilner throws in a dig about the Chiefs "moving" to Vegas. JP sounds like he threw up on his mic.

The Fence: I bet if I sniffed around on the internet, I could learn about all the wonderful metrics and systems to track defensive efficiency. But fuck it, I'll ask an old school, Ford Festiva with 400 000 miles driving-scout turned GM.

JP Stengal: I'm like a feral animal. ALL INSTINCT. Numbers can't teach me what I can see and touch.

Bob hates BJ: Send him away. Trade a player when his value is lowest for something much more valuable. Do it now!

JP hates BJ also: Never going to happen. He's very large and would inflict grievous bodily harm upon my person.

Imma nail you JP: Why do you hide behind the division you play in? Other teams overcome small budgets to win?

Pwn3d: But, but our division's REALLY hard. The other teams are ALWAYS good. It's not an excuse if I believe it to be fact.

Awww, no JP all winter. That sucks. Now I have to think another shtick to steal. Boo. I'm sure somebody else will think of something, I'll think it's cool and then: PROFIT!

Comebacks - Snappy and Otherwise

Last night's game was maddening and inspirational at the same time. Brandon League supplied a substantial part of the maddening. No matter how good your stuff is, you still can't throw it right down the middle. Scott Rolen and Travis Snider provided the inspiration. Rolen 3-4 with two doubles and a triple off the very top of the centerfield wall? Greatest Blue Jay ever? Never in doubt. But the second-to-last "Wednesday's with JP" of the year has been presented to us, so I should pick the remaining pieces of low-hanging fruit while I still can. Will Professor Griff's article fan the flames of discontent? Will the Red Sox hangover sour the Jays faithful?

These are pressing questions, but aren't nearly as important as ensuring Johnny Was, /a and the rest of the aging punk rock alumni see something. I'm hoping they can tell me what the hell is going on in this video.




Wednesday's with JP - Can you believe they still do this?

I certainly cannot. But they won't for long. JP's in the house, Griff is in and out of his grill and the nimble-fingered are on the phone. Let the bad times roll. JP kicks off the show justifying bringing up Travis Snider without committing to naming him an every-dayer for next year. A never ending series of beeps and bloops from his Blackberry distract me and him. I guarantee it's never out of arm's reach. Ever. He then refuses to comment on Cito's contract status despite swearing on him returning next year. On to the proles!

Smug Guy from Jokeville: JP, everybody says you're a stubborn prick that refuses to admit when he's wrong. But you've wronged JP, oh how you've been wrong. Perhaps you could eat a large helping of crow on the radio for all to hear?

Smug Guy from Woosta: I BLEED BLUE JAY BLACK, GREY, AND OTHER ASSORTED, FOCUS-GROUPED COLORS. Despite what the books tell you, this is a very inexact science. Everything we do is a gamble, I do my best. Wilner seems to agree and begins to mention the contracts extended to Vernon Wells & Eric Hinske, which were very similar in size and date signed. JP bristles and appears quite sick of Eric Hinske questions. One was good, one was bad. Based on the information we had, these were worth-while risks to take. Young player's contracts don't kill you like big-time free agent deals that go south. People love to kill me over Hinkse, but never credit me for getting all those good years of Vernon for next to nothing. Frank Thomas, regrettable yes but crippling no. Jesus Christ people, it's called Moneyball not Forseeallstrugglesball.

Blissfully unaware: Robinson Diaz? Ryan Dempster? Make AJ stay?

Lloyd Interjects: Are you naive? Fuck. Ryan Dempster? He's Canadian right? Who fucking cares.

Monkey Math: If everybody leaves, what will you do with the pennies from heaven?

C.R.E.A.M.: It's not getting spent the way you want. Everybody get's a raise, most notably myself. Think about that as you fall asleep on your straw pile held square by Ikea particleboard.

Juggernaut Punch: What about the Creampuffs? Are they going to live?

Doctor JP: Accardo's not dead, he's pining. Casey Janssen will be ready for Spring Training and is already throwing. Ed. Note: Hooray! McGowan won't start, likely, until May. Davis Romero had bloodclots removed (!) but will be fine as well.

JP's uncle Rupert: I love you JP. You've complied a good team, you admitted fault re: Chad Gaudin, and are way cooler than the Media goons that hate you.

Humble JP: Thanks dad, the check is in the mail. This isn't hockey. It's hard to make the playoffs, we win lots of games. Its cool.

The hear and the now: I know pitching is important, but you should throw it all away for a mythical bat that we can all ride to the zenith of playoff heaven.

JP's bread is buttered: Nope. Pitching is good to have.

Baseball American. Fuck Yeah: I read you pulled your draft picks outta your ass. Did it hurt?

Greased Wheels: Allow me to detail all the wondrous things that reside inside my ass. My head for one. AM I RIGHT GRIFF?? HUH? HUH?? JP rattles off some of his draft successes. He's got a point to go with his excuses.

William Shakespeare from Stratford: The scuttlebutt here in the baseball hotbed of Stratford Ontario is that you are going to trade two important pitchers for a bat. My sister's neighbor's doctor's daughter works at a Rogers Video in Simcoe, and she has it on authority. She met a guy and he told her that he was a baseball player and he knew all the secrets. Stop this charade JP, and give me the names involved in this trade.

JP: I cannot tell a lie. You're an idiot.

PMoD Loyalist: FREE JOHNNY MAC!

JP the Minuteman: I will throw the tea and the sub-.600 OPSing shortstops into the Boston Harbor.

Quiet down Wilner, I'm talking here: Travis Snider shouldn't be the starter! Bring in a big money guy..........goddam garbage trucks make too much damn noise on my street in the morning.....saggy pants and rock n roll music....

JP & Wilner as one: Uh, no. Travis Snider hasn't been given a job. But thanks for your senile rantings.

Tim Lincecum slipped between our fingers: What about now? Can you trade Rios now?

JP signed him long term: Nope. He's here to stay. Not sure if you noticed, but he hit a home run and drove in a buncha runs tonight. He's kinda awesome.

I just spent $120 on a Burnett jersey: Don't make me hang it up next to my Joey Hamilton jersey.

Enough: Whatever. Mike and JP talk about guys that leave money on the table to play where they want. JP implies that Mike must not have ever met: a) a baseball player or b) an agent.

BOLD MOVES: Break the bank JP. Roger Clemens type shit.

Ted's nephew: All the money is tied up in that insufferable "gang" that hocks cellphone plans. The kid with the hair needs a beating. You know which one I mean.

Skychief 4 life: What happened to Da Cuse? Are we staying put?

JP Baggadonuts: Fuggedaboudit.

Roy's Boy: Will Roy Halladay leave for a playoff team?

JP: If he does, I'll be right behind him out the door.

The Breakfast Club: Who's going to catch next year?

JP the Repeater: HIS NAME IS STILL JP, HE'S GOT THE EDGE. No dice on a Barajas deal.

Soulless Cocaine Cowboy: Aaron Hill broke his brain on the field for this team. Fuck him. Keep the other guys that aren't as good offensively OR defensively as him.

Lloyd & JP in unison: I know where you live and I've seen where you sleep. Don't ever say that again.

The next guy bizarrely asked Wilner how JP's cock tastes on the air, which was odd. The guy after him told a charming story of his wife losing the will to live. We all died a little inside after that anecdote.

Jays Bandwagon Upends, Thousands Killed

How could you let this happen Roy? How could you let the hopes and dreams of an entire nation crash to Earth? Tonight's loss was your 10th of the season. That's a new career high, you're a constant disappointment. What a bunch of chokers. It's 1989 all over again.

Or the Jays started slowly, kicked it around before succumbing to my twin Mark Buehrle and the Pale Hose. A late charge wasn't enough to complete the comeback; it was enough to renew my faith going into today. Gavin Floyd is tough and Shaun Marcum has been known to behave in a similar fashion. Makes for a solid series closer at any rate.

Wednesday's with JP - Snoozin' The Night Away

Last night's JP session was pretty fucking boring. Maybe it just seemed that way to me because I was slaving along with Photoshop Express and similar free photo editing programs to create the terrible header you see above. If it looks like it was created by someone using this software for the first time; that's because it was. I was going to take a pass on the biting satire and criticism this week, but JP's grinning visage at the top of the page urged me forth. Against my will, let's move on to the show!

JP and Wilner make nice about the win streak; with JP giving praise to the players, Cito, and implicitly himself. Natch.

Mid 80's Jays Fanboy: Cito is part hitting guru, part sage philosopher, and part shrink. How did he get to be so great, and why isn't he curing the world of all its ills?

JP the Patient: We've certainly won a lot more games with him as the manager. He steals signs and watches the games. That has much more to do with our wins than Alex Rios raising his OPS over .800. They aren't mutually exclusive certainly, but one can only have so much impact on the other.

Doctor Redundancy: Give yourself a pat on the back JP. He actually said this. Does anyone in the world need to be told to do that less than JP? Other than me anyway. The Jays have won so many games in a row, I don't want anything to change. Keep this team together forever!

JP hates this hour more than I hate the dentist: AJ Burnett is going to walk for more money. That is just what happens now. We've got lots of cheap guys that are good too.

Arbitrary Number Plucker: 85 wins? Big money guys like Sabathia?

JP hates math: 85 wins is almost guaranteed. Not that it matters, we're not making the playoffs. But you knew that. Ted Rogers isn't made of money, he just burns it to heat his platinum-gilded house.

Ted's Accountant: When do you find out how much money you'll have? Just what the fuck are system access fees anyway?

Mum's the Word: The empire built on thieving data plans should let me know what's up by the end of the World Series. That gives me plenty of time to sign next year's Kevin Mench. I've got my eye on you Willie Bloomquist...

Inquiring Mind: Who decides who goes up and who goes down? Can I give Cito all the credit for Adam Lind?

Prideful Man: It's all of us. We have a whole team of people making baseball decisions. You'd almost think it was our job.

Bill Caudill: Seriously though, how the fuck did Cito pull this off?

JP: He hasn't fought a single player. That works wonders. That and actual, league average offense. JP goes on to say that he thought the team could win 90+ games. I agree. Wilner mentions the second half pace of 105 wins for the year. JP wouldn't bite.

Old-Timey Gumshoe: How come the Globe & Mail gets the scoops? Are you and Blair BFF? He's awesome, make him write about baseball again.

No Chance of Biting on This One: Nope. Not happening. If a guy pisses me off just right; I'll go off like an cannon and embarrass myself and the team. But only on the right day.

Racist Guy: I hate Overbay's whiteness and nice-guy demeanor. I don't care about his reasonable contract or his .862 second half OPS. I want you to splash the cash!

Lloyd the Overbay Defender: Watch the games, he's a strong contributor and cheap. Delgado is (sadly) going nowhere. Scott Boras won't let Tex anywhere near me. We'll be fine.

Bright Young Man: Take AJ's money and spend it on the draft. I think this guy was trying to get JP to pay bonuses over slot and even specified one such draftee. A legitimate yet futile question.

JP Doesn't Speak Spanish: These Dominican players charge a lot! That is why we don't have a single one in the system.

Senility is Hell: Marco Scutaro for MVP! He's played many positions! He seems nice and doesn't wear too much jewelery. He's swell.

Incredulous World: ROY FUCKING HALLADAY IS THE BEST PITCHER IN BASEBALL. HE'S THE BEST PITCHER IN FRANCHISE HISTORY. SCUTARO? I quit.

Tony Bagadonuts: Grit! Scrap! Dirtbags!

Weasels 4 Life: Cito likes dirtbags too! They'll play for their supper, they will. Yarr, get yer shirt dirty Inglett. Rios is lazy and not dog-ish enough.

That's it. Brief, painless and void of news. Other than Casey Janssen's progress, which JP said was excellent. The poor bastard may never walk again.

Bow Down

Imagine how good this kid will be when he actually has the opportunity to pull the ball? It's insane really. Going up the middle, going away, taking "what's given to him" and doing something with it. With two strikes and everything. Amazing.

A quick nod to another bad ass. Amy Rosewater of ESPN did a nice piece about Jim Abbot today, on the anniversary of his no-hitter. That is all kinds of bad ass. He's working as a spokesmen for disabled people in America. Good for him.

Even more Badassery: Thursday's Version of Wednesday's with JP!

First off, during his trumpet solo at the top of the show with Wilner, JP dropped the magic words Meaningful Baseball in September. Good work JP, always with the hard sell. Five wins a row, will the JP be served the poo-poo platter? JP stated after the show that this was the best show he's been on in Toronto, giving me only JP's lies to work with. Without the low-hanging fruit I'm nothing.

Before the callers Wilner tries to ask why Kevin Mench is here pinch run, something Buck Coats is far more capable of. JP seems to think Mikey wanted them both here, and balks at the thought of paying both men. Gimmie my Coat JP!

Guy that obviously hates JP, yet wants to know he runs his business: I'm going to go ahead and ramble on and on and on and on and on, but basically it's like this JP: you have the audacity to stick by the players you draft and invest millions of dollars in. Don't insult my intelligence JP, why the fuck do you do that?

Man without the benefit of hindsight, and occasionally foresight: Honestly, what do you want from me? What could I possibly say here that would sate you thirst for blood? You people ride me about giving Wilkerson & Mench jobs, then claim calling up Snider is just PR and too early. If I call up one of my AAAA draft picks, I'm just favoring "my guys" and trying to look better. My job is hard, my head hurts. JP then states that Cliff Lee will win the Cy Young this year. What, no support for Roy? What about A.J "LULZ" Burnett?

Guy that probably has a blog I'll never read: I have a healthy attitude, and get it to a degree, but that shouldn't stop me from prattling on endlessly about players still under contract. STOP YELLING AT ME WILNER!

JP Riccardi, horn tooter: We've got lots of pitching, and we sure as shit aren't giving it up. JP runs some misdirection about signing a bat, meaning he surely will.

Guy that is smarter than me: Guys with bad mechanics get hurt, no? The young guys that aren't bad motherfuckers like Travis Snider sucked a little this year, are they going to get better?

JP wrote Two Princes: BJ Ryan's mechanics aren't horrifically bad, they're deceptive. Marcum didn't go on the DL, ditch his cutter, and change his arm slot because of wear and tear related to faulty mechanics; he's got attitude problems! Casey Janssen once fell off the mound, throwing a pitch into the dugout, but he's smoooth. I DRAFT SO GOOD, MY KIDS MAKE THE LATE ROUNDS PICKS WHEN THEY AREN'T SHAKING DOWN THE PLAYERS.

JP and Wilner proceed to send David Eckstein the kind of love letter that drove me crazy in the spring. Let's move on.

Great Big Pasty White Hope's biggest fan: Travis Snider: good prospect or the greatest prospect?

JP Riccardi stars in Glengarry Glen Ross: He's a GOOD outfielder too. GOOD. Wilner mentions Cito wanting to play him in right field this weekend. What the fuck? I didn't authorize that! Grrrr.

Can't see the forest for the trees: Remember when you drafted college guys to restock your depleted minor league system? Why'd you do that again?

JP the Mystical: I can't remember. Ask Aaron Hill, Casey Janssen, and Shaun Marcum. But not Russ Adams. Leave him alone. JP makes a good point about the draft not being the be-all, end-all. I agree.

Heidi and Spencer FTW: Hank Steinbrenner said.....

JP: Fuck him. The players cluck more than a thousand hens. Just because Hank pops off in the paper doesn't mean the talk around the batting cage is any different.

Wilner prods about Rolen's future, and alternatives if he's hurt. JP offers Jose Bautista and then compares Joe Inglett to Reed! It's true, they're the same guy. Except Inglett is a better every day player.

Other than the lady that pretty much nailed JP over signing Eckstein to play shortstop and not playing him, everybody else played nice and knew their shit. A guy called and asked about "stretching out" Brett Cecil while limiting his innings. JP used the last year's innings plus 30 rule to explain his progress. Another guy called an asked about the club using Pitch F/X! Who let Hale out of his analysis-hub/cage? JP even admitted that Matt Stairs played too much this year. What planet am I on?

I also realize that tonight's excellent callers are Toronto's few, true baseball fans. There simply aren't enough of them in this town. Lots of sports fans, lots of people willing to treat the Rogers Centre as a giant bar with a tremendous cover but no atmosphere. Not enough ball fans though. Which sucks. But we'll still be here.

The Power of Freedom

Emancipated from credibility and objectivity, I am free to say sending Matt Stairs to the Phillies (H/T to the true-to-form Drunk Jays Fans) is likely a good move for the club, as an non-hitting DH holds no real purpose. And I can also state plainly that bringing up Travis Snider now seems like too much, too soon for a 20 year old hitter that started the season in A ball. But, um, HOLY SHIT, they called up Travis Snider!! The potential for this to be outstandingly awesome is off the charts. It will surely end in tears this year, but at least it will be fun!

There are still so many questions! Who hits where? Does he play every day? Does he want to go for nachos? Does that mean Buck Coates gets to be a September call-up? Is he really going to play his first big league game at Yankee Stadium?? Bonercity, USA.

Purcey, Purcey Me

A distinct sense of inevitability hung over tonight's game. David Purcey has made great strides of late, but remains a little wild and overly reliant on his fastball (so says the smart kid, and those that steal from the smart kid.) That does not sound like recipe for success against the Yankees, scuffling or otherwise. Another shocking turn of events saw the Jays struggle against a junkballing lefty. Crafty weasel Andy Pettite was excellent, throwing strikes and getting the Jays off-balance. The numbers against finesse pitchers speak for themselves, as do the left/right splits. This past off-season's Quest for Balance came up a little short.

Wednesdays with JP: The Vagina Monologues

The team is playing well, but obviously not perfect. Whatever will the angry, the entitled and the troll-like have to complain about? JP's even in the studio! So much more immediate, I predict that much more bitching out. Before the callers, JP mentions Tony Coligniaro, and I am reminded of my favorite Farrelly brothers joke of all time.

Alert caller whom I believe to be this guy: AJ's out yes? Bring in somebody equally awesome.

JP the diplomat: Hmmm, awesome free agents aren't free. Have you seen Ben Sheets? He IS AJ Burnett. Maybe better, maybe more injury prone. Pitchers on the free agent market often end in tears. And tears.

Wayne bleeds maple syrup: I like Canada JP, why do you hate it so?

JP the Xenophobe: Really? This is a question? Name me another player on the team. Stubby doesn't count. It must be that I hate Canada and everything about it. I wish ill upon you and your family, and often wipe my ass with your flag. I've been working in cahoots with Davey Johnson for years now, culminating with this two week Olympic baseball tournament of which you watched MAYBE three innings.

Think about your dead-end job Wayne. Imagine that every single thing you did was scrutinized under a microscope. By tens of thousands of people. With a budget in the hundreds of millions of dollars. Where you are hired to be fired. Do you think you'd give a shit about Baseball Canada? Do you think that if had a chance to help your company or the tiny, insignificant company down the street, the one with the offices above a bowling alley and below another bowling alley, that you'd do it? Of course not. Because you are obviously employed another company, and must do your job to the best of your ability at all times. When you aren't blogging at work that is.

Lizardman: Instant replay?

JP: Can't talk, watching BoSox.

Farmer Jim: Remember how baseball worked 15 years ago? I do! I know we have the best pitching in baseball, but is there any way you could acquire a player who's name I recognize? I like guys that I'm already sure I like.

Lloyd from Southie: Watch the game and fuck off. Greg Maddux is a 1000.

Nervous man: Any chance I could make a redundant point and have you repeat it back to me?

Cocky Man: Yeah sure. Alex Rios is good, and we like him when he's good. He totally wasn't benched the other night. It was his day-off. Just like when you got suspended for smoking weed in high school, but you told your parents they were fumigating the school.

Guy who watched his first game of the year tonight: How come Eckstein and Johnny Mac keep playing all time?(!) They're both terrific defenders(!!) but neither can hit.(!!!) Why not bring up a kid to play second base? Joe Inglett didn't get the start against a tough lefty tonight, so I assume he died or I conjured him amidst an opium daze.

JP, our once and future King: Wilner, shoot me now. Let's do it Mikey, murder/suicide pact. We'll ride golden steeds to Heaven, and you can be my consigliary for all eternity.

Angry Old Man: Grrrr, season over! Olympics important! Grrr!

Man of Diminishing Patience: Yeah, it sucked. But you should SEE how these big leaguers live. Scott Richmond stole sooooo much Gatorade from the clubhouse, he'll never be thirsty again. He took a whole gym bag full of gum, too! Dude is set for life.

Anxious Young Lady: How is Jeremy Accardo, health wise? Does it burn when he pees? What about bumps, does he see any bumps or lesions? Is there any way I could get his number? The one he gave me is just some dry-cleaner in Reseda. Do you think he likes me?

Greg Behrendt: Uhh, he might be back in a few weeks, but I'm just his roommate, ya know? I don't really keep tabs on him, I just know that he pays the rent and somebody collects his mail.

Classic Canadian Inferiority Complex: Why doesn't anyone love us? If they don't talk about us on the TV, does that mean that we really are out of the race?

JP somehow gets ESPN in Canada: KEEP BUYING TICKETS! DON'T STOP WATCHING. THE FUCKING BOSS OWNS THE TV AND RADIO STATIONS! JUST KEEP CONSUMING.

Oblivious Steve: The Red Sox traded Manny, but not to us. What gives? I like Manny.

JP ♥ Scott Boras: Have you ever given your sworn enemy the keys to your house? Ever let him fuck your wife? I'll look into getting him in the offseason, but I have to stretch out a bit before I deal with Boras. He doesn't usually take off his watch.

Jilted Young Lady: Get Alex Rios the fuck out of town. I don't like getting texts at 4:30am saying "LOL JUICED. M8K OUT?" Make him leave. Please

Lloyd the Misogynist: We'd trade him if the deal was right, but I'd trade my own mother for a ring. But I don't want to hurt his little feelings, so he's a Jay 4ev's. Ed. Note: I should apologize. Both female callers had solid, intelligent questions tonight. I'm a prick.

Winterpegger: This team sucks. Make it better.

Ted the Overlord: PLEASE GOD, KEEP SHOPPING. GET AN IPHONE TOO.

Misguided Guy that ignored the previous caller: Moon and stars, chop chop. And a guy named Rod.

Prince of Lies: We like Rod Barajas, we gonna keep him. (You are shit outta luck Rod, he's going to run you out of town on a rail.) JP then made me drop my head in disappointment It's cold and tax-y in Canada. Ball players like it hot and soul food-y. We're fucked.

Bitter scumbag that is quickly cut off: I went to a game and the Jays had the AUDACITY to lose. There wasn't a single triple play, grand slam, perfect game or simulated sex act on the mound. What a ripoff. Gimme my money back.

Incredulous JP: Holy shit, don't listen to him. YOU GET NOTHING.

Burgess Meredith in Grumpy Old Men (calls back to back): Next year could be my last, give me hope to go on. And speed the game up for the love of God. Each pitch brings me closer to death.

Keith Law can eat it: I'm good at drafting. Stay Cold brah.

The last call barely counted, and this is already longer than Burgess Meredith's ballsack, so I'll wrap it up. I will again apologize to DJF as I feel like a shameless thief, and I will apologize to women everywhere for marginalizing them as sports fans.

David Purcey Makes a Statement

Loudly and proudly, the big lefty made a bold statement: Lloyd the Barber is an idiot.

I, for one, agree.

In his (my) defence, Brandon League is awesome. I claim complete ownership over his greatness. Ground floor! Ground floor!

I am very much afraid of Gary Sheffield, in both a baseball sense and a public safety sense.

Why am I longing for Eckstein? Is there anyway he and Inglett could play every day? I am experiencing strong yet conflicting feelings here. I'm nauseated and woozy. This is bad.

Wednesdays with JP! Mouthbreathers Unite!

I don't usually listen to JP's hour on the radio, but there it was on Wilner's blog, and here I am looking for an excuse to shoot my mouth off. I feel like I'm stealing numerous people's shtick here. For that I apologize.

First question: Why wouldn't you get Paul Byrd? Ya could've, ya know? Fer nothin!

JP's paraphrased answer: Because he sucks. He'd maybe be as good as our 4/5th starter, except he makes 5 times as much money. And he sucks. Yes, he pitched well against the Jays once. You know, the Jays team that can't score runs and has a terrible offense that you constantly complain about.

Unbeknownst to this "fan", the other Major League clubs don't play against the Jays exclusively. When Paul Byrd faces teams that don't have an offense that ranks in bottom third of the league, he gets lit. And he sucks.

Rational Human that likely works for the FAN: Bob McGowan wants to have a tête-à-tête. Will you?

Lloyd the Riccardi: Bob McGowan is a smart, entertaining guy. A smart, entertaining guy that hosts a drive-time radio program. Bob v. JP would be big business. And a futile lose-lose situation for JP.

Bob would say "You turned a .500 baseball team into a .500 baseball team." JP would say "We have an enough young, cheap pitching to fill two farm systems. We currently carry maybe three (Overbay, Ryan, and kinda, sorta, Wells) bad and/or questionable contracts. Team interest is at all time high. Our pitching keeps us in every game. We will contend for a playoff spot with even a slight offensive improvement." And Bob would say they didn't win enough games, and you've had 7 years. JP would agree, and say he wishes they won more. Bob would smugly point out that JP, by his own admission, is a failure. They'd go back and forth, without ever really discussing baseball (which Bob knows very little about) at all. Then they'd go off the air, and Bob would say "Thanks JP, that was really good radio." And JP will have wasted his time.

Earnest Youngster: I heart the Jays and you're doing a bang-up job. Good work JP.

JP: I value your opinion slightly less than that of the rosin bag. But thanks.

Another dummy: My friends and I think you should trade Halladay for a bat. lol!

What JP wanted to say: Fuck off.

What JP actually said: Seriously, fuck off. Go back to reading the same article Maxim has been publishing for 8 years.

Same dummy: You can pitch a no-hitter and have a Gold Glove defence, but if you don't put any runs across you are going to lose.

Lloyd the Apologist: Incorrect. At worst, you'd be tied. So THERE!

Hopeless dreamer: Grady Sizemore is good. Go get him!

JP the Barber: I'd love to, but I'm balls deep in Megan Fox right now. I was in the process of calling Mark Shapiro with an offer this afternoon; but Hemingway called and asked that I orate my memoirs to him. Then Megan came over. I'll get to it tomorrow.

Harsh Realist: Alex Rios is lazy and lacks motivation.

Bizarro JP: He hates his job, a job that maybe 120 people in the entire world are qualified to do. The job you'd kill a bus full of nuns to have. And he's richer than you could ever comprehend. Richer than you'll ever be, even if you lived a thousand lifetimes. You spend your Wednesday evening's calling me to complain about baseball players lack of heart; he's in bed with somebody's wife and daughter right now. At the same time! Like right this very minute! Sleep tight!

I Don't Even Know What I Believe Anymore

More to the point, I don't even know what I think anymore. While I appreciate the translation services to improve my understanding of JP's lies, and I can understand where the die-hards are coming from, I'm conflicted. When I read something aimless and critical of JP without reason other than sheer frustration, I get angry. What do you expect him to do?

I agree with Geoff Baker, optics are key in Toronto. The baseball fanbase in this city is fickle at best and hopelessly out of touch at worst. But are you willing to sell the farm in a sellers market? If the rumours are true, would you suggest trading David Purcey (middle of the rotation guy that he is) and Brandon League (freakish closer-in-waiting) for 2 months of Raul Mondesi Ibanez with hope of picks in the end? Making a do-or-die desperation trades with 5 teams to climb in the standings? The majority of teams are guarding their prospects like never before, hoarding them in the name of fiscal responsibility, armed with the realization that these deals rarely warrant any real return.

I'm not entirely comfortable with my role as JP defender. I understand the rationale behind most moves, but this team is stuck between stations. I can't really see them making a serious "push" to make the playoffs next year or ever. This business is content to float along, make money and not upset the league enough to stop the equalization payments. Winning titles simply isn't the priority that "winning enough to avoid consumer confidence issues" has become. Just as Rogers won't lower the astronomical data rates for 3G wireless customers, they won't keep increasing their baseball costs if they are already seeing a positive return. The payroll is reasonably high, but returns are reasonably low.

Is JP to blame? Is he but a victim, caught between the fans expectations and ownership's eye for the bottom line? I certainly give him a hard time, mostly because of his pompous, arrogant persona. Has he done a bad job? Not necessarily. I wish that the Carlos Delgado situation was handled differently, that the money Ted ponied up the year after his departure could have kept him a Blue Jay until this day. I don't like Eckstein, but bringing him in made sense. Not trading him and other veterans currently bench surfing seems to be a waste of everyone's time; but C-level prospects and AAA roster filler don't help anybody, nor does it entice potential low risk free agents to come to Toronto.

I guess it boils down to the nature of my fandom. While liberated in some ways, I am mostly a dogmatic Blue Jay fan. I like the Jays, and that is that. It isn't going to change, but it isn't the essence of my being. I'd like for them to be better, I'd like to know they are working toward something positive, but I will not uproot my support and move it to a more "successful" team. So yeah, they didn't make any moves, and they are essentially out of the race. JP knows what he is doing, but what he is doing is making Rogers money. Whatever.

In Brief
I'm back at Walkoff Walk this weekend, keeping my eye on all the debuts and hot weekend action. With Jason Bay going to Boston not Tampa, Rocco is clear to be the right handed bat/right fielder in September. Jays in Texas, I fear, will get ugly.

Overblown, once again

Just like everything else in this city, this horseshit with A.J. Burnett is getting way the fuck overblown. It's Tuesday and we're still hearing about it. Leave it to Toronto media to turn it into a circus and spin it as the end of the fucking world. Were there no interesting Leaf stories to blather on about the past few days? Is A.J. Burnett a jackass? Probably. Who fucking cares. Yes, it's true, he is overpaid. As are dozens and dozens of pitchers across the league.

A.J. Burnett was asked a question. He proceeded to answer the question honestly, as you'd hope any professional athlete would. He then, gets lambasted by the entire fucking city for telling the truth. I suppose you'd rather the guy lie. Listen, it isn't his fault he's overpaid. Who's going to turn down million and millions of dollars if it's being thrown in his face. I sure the shit wouldn't, and neither would you.

Kudos to Steve Simmons for writing a load of garbage ripping Burnett along with JP and pointing out how we're now stuck in "another season of Blue Jay hope but not glory." He's bright enough to point out Burnett is a .500 pitcher something Toronto fans have never ever heard before. He then goes on to point out how our best players (Halladay, Wells and Rios) are all players left behind by Gord Ash. Evidently Shaun Marcum, Dustin McGowan, Scott Rolen, Lyle Overbay, BJ Ryan, Matt Stairs and Johnny Fucking Mac don't count for shit. It appears I'm not the only one thinking Simmons has no fucking clue as he gets his over at DJF as well.

The timing of Burnett's comments weren't probably great given the way the Jays have been playing, but why the massive backlash? I'm quite sure JP will entertain any potential offers for Burnett given they desperately need another bat or more to have any sort of hope. I'm not convinced they'll be any offers, then again, teams are always looking for mediocre pitchers they believe have upside to aid in a drive to the postseason.

It should be noted that I think A.J. Burnett is a douchebag for a variety of other reasons.

Jays Brass Look to Doubleheader As Opportunity To Increase Lie Output Twofold

Sunday's rainout lead to a paucity of official misdirection from the Jays front office, but they've outlined Monday's traditional doubleheader as a chance to make significant gains. "It's simple math" Jays GM JP Spicoli Riccardi explained. "If we tell twice as many half-truths, they have to add up to one whole truth, don't they?" JP managed a self-satisfied smirk when asked about the condition of Injured Player Y. He then presented the press corps with a monkey trained in sign language, the newest addition to the Jays public relations team. "We call him the Swirsk, and he's going to handle the bulk of my PR work from now." the GM announced. The monkey promptly took the podium and informed the puzzled scribes of Vernon Wells' injury status, the challenges with Jeremy Accardo's arm and an excellent recipe for Eggs Benedict.

Manager John Gibbons looked frustrated and annoyed with the prospect of using twice as many clichés and making twice as many excuses for his teams offensive failures. "Managing the bullpen becomes the real challenge." Gibbons confessed. The Jays manager's annoyance only grew when he was informed that managing the bullpen during regularly scheduled games was technically still his responsibility. When hitting coach Gary Denbo was asked about the prospect of the team's average with runners in scoring position sinking twice as much in only one calender day, the coach dashed from the room, shouting "they'd have to get on first!" before hiding in the trainer's room. Denbo was later found in the fetal position under a massage chair, reading up on careers training monkeys in sign language.

Look! I've Happened Upon Some Cherries

Perhaps I shall pick them.

Toronto Blue Jays record in games started by John MacDonald at shortstop --> 3-1. That doesn't necessarily mean anything, but it suits my agenda, so I will abuse that tiny sample size/insignificant fact for all it's worth. Which isn't much.

Here is a startling bit of news: Johnny Mac isn't a great hitter. He did have a double and a run scored yesterday, but he's no Ernie Banks. More news: David Eckstein can't hit either. Maybe I'm crazy, but flaccid bat + virile glove + hitting 9th with no questions asked is greater than half-stock bat + insipid glove + giant hole at the top of the order until someone dies.

While this unscientific data may help me preach to the choir, the Toronto Blue Jays accountants see only dollar signs. Eckstein is being paid $4.5 million this season, McDonald $1.9 (we shouldn't discount the $50 000 bonus if J Mac were to be named MVP. The same bonus he would be awarded for a Gold Glove. Time for a new agent.)

Maybe there is more to it than the team getting a return on its investment. Perhaps it has to do with promises kept. David Eckstein took a discounted, one year contract from the Blue Jays after a sufficient multi-year deal failed to materialize from the Cardinals. JP and the Jays got him on the cheap, and likely promised him all the AB's he could ever want. He gets the opportunity to earn a bigger, longer contract somewhere else while the Jays make good on a promise to a free agent. A detail that JP wouldn't be ashamed to point out to future free agents in the negotiation process. A shrewd, wise move for everyone.

Except me. Free Johnny Mac.

William Ball

That didn't take very long. Frank Thomas has re-surfaced with a team just a mere days after being released by the Jays. Shockingly he's ended up back in the Bay area with the A's, the team he "never wanted to leave" in the first place. I guess $18.2 million will make a man do anything.

Thomas was in the lineup today for the A's 11-2 victory going 0 for 3 with a couple of free passes as the DH. Oakland is only on the hook for just over $336,000 of the $390,000 league minimum salary that Thomas will receive, which I suppose no matter how badly he continues to suck can be seen as a deal giving the potential upside, albeit a small one.

Thomas was quoted as saying, "This is where I want to be". He's so full of shit. The deal was finalized within hours of him clearing waivers. Who's the tubby bastard kidding? He didn't even have time enough to think of "where" he wanted to be. A team offered him a chance to play, so he took it. There's no need to sugar coat it for Christ sake.

The bottom line was keeping him was far to big a risk for the Jays. He wasn't producing and didn't seem like he was going to start anytime soon. If he reached that magic plate appearance number, the Jays were on the hook for another $10 million next season, and call me a pessimist, but I just don't think Frank Thomas is worth $10 million. I don't think he's worth $5 million for that matter. It was a bad deal to begin with.

The A's should have considered Barry Bonds before Thomas, but I guess that's just too controversial for most teams to handle.

Of Eggs and Omlets

Ho Hum, another day, another victim.

Sure, everyone said the right things in the aftermath. But you know what really happened, don't you? You think I do anything "mutually?" I don't even know what "amicable" means. It is my way or the fuck you way. Publicly bad-mouthing me and the team? That sort of contempt is off the charts, and will be dealt with one way - harshly.

My job is to make the team better. A open sore in the clubhouse and a hole in the middle of our my lineup doesn't make anything better. I told him I wasn't going to play him everyday, and he didn't think that would work for him. Clearly he now knows who his daddy is, and what it means not to work. I save the bosses $10 million bucks next year, and every single motherfucker in the clubhouse knows who is the HNIC. Who knows how I'll spend that free money? You better believe that it will be some mind-blowing, next-level shit.

I know that Thomas will get his, but I don't care. I need production now. I've got this kid I DRAFTED murdering the ball, dying to get back to the show. I've had my talons into this kid since he was 21, so he knows the face of God and who makes the sun rise and fall. Pressure on the kid? Pressure?? This is the big fucking leagues, pressure doesn't mean a gotdammed thing. Real pressure is convincing some clown's wife that the foursome was her idea, and making my wife think it's no big deal.

What the fuck did you just say? Bonds? As in Barry Bonds? You think I want to bring that circus to town? There already is a ringmaster for this show, and there is only room in this organization for one massive, swollen head.

Far East and Staying South

Shyte. It appears that Blue Jay closer may not be ready to join the team come opening day. God damn elbows. The Jays are going to keep Ryan out of the remaining games in Spring Training after Ryan complained of soreness in his forearm and elbow after the game with the Pirates. The team has been reported as calling it "normal fatigue" but are going to proceed with caution. After all, Ryan is coming off of Thomas John surgery which shelved him all of last season.

JP was quoted as saying that Ryan won't likely break camp with the team and there really isn't any sort of timeline for return as of yet.

This is a bit of a set back for the Jays, who knew bringing Ryan back would be a slow process but were optimistic about bringing him north with them come the end of Spring Training.

Across the Pacific former New York Mets and Texas Rangers manager Bobby Valentine is making headlines, indicating he thinks it's "ludicrous" that the MLB is holding games at the same time Japanese games are being played. Valentine manages the Chiba Lotte Mariners of the Japanese Pacific League and believes Japanese baseball is selling itself short by hosting MLB games while launching its own season. Valentine is a big booster of Japanese baseball and thinks the game is going to take away some of spotlight on his squad. Probably, but who gives a shit. The MLB teams are better Bobby, that's the way it is. I wouldn't worry about you and your Japanese baseball, it's pretty safe.

Who wears the pants?

Anyone who has been following/blogging/obsessing over the Toronto Blue Jays baseball club over the past few years knows of and understands the unique dynamic that exists between the general manager and the field manager. One is the downhome, aw shucks, good ole boy that the players all love. The other is, of course, the prince of lies. Satan himself even.

It is the classic good cop/bad cop scenario, which usually plays out in the local media thusly:

Gibby: Player X is my guy in role Y.
JP: Player X is "in the mix" <-- JP's favorite phrase aside from "don't bite it"
Gibby: It is Player A's job to lose
JP: We have a few guys in mind for a variety of roles.
Gibby: Golly gee fellas, I think we're in a good position this season
JP: If you ask me that question again I'll use your head as a bucket and paint my house with your brains.

This very exchange played out today with the local scribes, as Wilner details.

I imagine it plays very similarly within the clubhouse. Gibby, the softbellyed players coach that he is, gives numerous votes of confidence and publicly backs his players at almost all costs. The players love him and enjoy his support. JP, however, is a realist. Despite the abuse often heaped upon him, he is a good GM that has improved the team and gotten out from under some horrible contracts. He speaks for the organization, and they are always looking to get a proper return on their investment.

So JP is the visionary and Gibbons is the patsy, assembling his lineup at the whim of the higher ups. In exchange for his dignity, Gibby gets to call JP a cocksucker behind closed doors, and play the "assholes in management/suits upstairs" card with a player once the writing is on the wall. It seems to work, as most players enjoy the atmosphere and rave about the organization.

I believe most of this back-and-forth to be a highly choreographed dance for the sake of little more than optics. Much has been written about JP's casual relationship with the truth and barely masked disdain for the ink-stained wretches who tail his team around the continent. We fans clamber for truth (not that we'd know what we'd do with), raising our ire when we feel deceived or unappreciated, as though we'd been considered at any point during the proceedings. Not that anyone would care were there a parade scheduled for late October.