Man in White Makes First Public Comment

I really, really hope the Jays are cheating at every turn. Not because I care about a competitive advantage, merely because there is nothing I like more than watching (or reading) sanctimonious jackass scream about cheating makes it easy to track the kind of people to avoid at all costs.

Besides: if ever there was a trustworthy and otherwise focused group of individuals, it's one of the American League's lesser lights relief corps. Only something so heinous and insidious as a man signalling to the plate could drag their attention from the riveting action before them.

Original Image credit to Flickr user Dave Zolis.

The Détente Cycle

Just under two years ago, I publicly copped to going soft on the Yankees. The impending closure of old (real) Yankee Stadium and the Mo factor combined with the Yankees single season of mortality made it easy to focus my hate on the Red Sox.

Well, two years and three four? aces later, guess what? The Yankee hate is in full swing while the Red Sox limp into down, bloodied but unbowed. Maybe it's the bum rap given to the nerd-friendly "pitching and defense" offseason approach, but I feel pretty bad for the Red Sox. The fans don't travel like they did and my standard issue love of Adrian Beltre softens up my hatred for the Irish.

Jon Lester? Love him to pieces. Dan Bard? Be mine. Pedroia & Yook? You can still die in separate, non-consecutive fires. Did you know Daisuke Matsuzaka directly translates to "great sponge of all fun?" But, after all, this team willingly employed Rocco? How could I hate that?

Stepping into the Friday Rockout Void

The Tao's counterpoint to this post left a gaping hole in the Friday Rockout universe. So I'll step up and offer The Bronx "They Will Kill Us all Without Mercy" No subtext, just an awesome song from a great record.



Image courtesy of the Deist Review

Over the Moon

Leave it to the Tao to take the ideas right out of my head and get them down much better than I ever could. The ever-popular Cito v. The Lineup debate rages on; with the Tao coming down on the side of "get Lyle Overbay more at bats." And with good reason. Look no further than the missile he struck to centerfield yesterday. Hit Tracker Online has the facts, and a link to the video: 451 feet to just right of centerfield, leaving the bat at a mindbending 108 mph. Look at the pretty picture:



Just in case you've been asleep: Lyle Overbay's been killing it of late. .572 weighted on base over the past two weeks (!), good for a 1.381 OPS. Wow. Unlike other Jays (Hill, Aaron) I wouldn't categorize Overbay as a streak hitter. Looking at Fangraph's day-by-day charting of his wOBA we see, outside his disastrous 2007, he's very consistent. Slowly building throughout the year. Compare those graphs to those of The Streak himself Aaron Hill. Wild swings like your mother during a hot flash. Double to left! Clean out the garage! 0-22! My exhausted ovaries invalidate me as a person!

Overbay won't consistently ricochet 108 mph bombs off dusty chicken parm factories; but there is nothing to suggest him falling off the planet. So let's get him some more at bats, no? Nothing crazy, just a few more trips to the dish a week.

Strength of Schedule - House of Cards

Well shit. The Yankees are first in the division and first in the world's hearts. Ole Griff moves them up to third in his inanity rankings and I'm sure they'll be slotted similarly in any number of listicles of this sort. One question: why don't we hear questions of their soft schedule and inability to win within their division? The Yanks are two games under .500 against the mighty East, feasting on the weaker sisters of the Central and West. Conveniently they're outperforming their Pythag by a cool 2/3 wins also. WORSHIP NOT THE FALSE IDOLS!

Hacky Angel Pun

Holy shit do I hate the Angels. They're aging yet scrappy, playing horseshit scamperball all day and blowing leads all night.

The Angels versus Roy Halladay is an almost comical enterprise. Howie Kendrick and Mike Napoli have had success in very limited at bats, though Kendrick's been good for nothing this season on the whole. Bobby Abreu, Torii Hunter, Gary Mathews, Chone Figgans, and The Izturis to be Named Later all feature sub-.500 OPS numbers against the good Doctor. I predict a return of LOLswings.

The Angels don't score too many runs, they don't play very good defense, and their starting pitching is strong if not inconsistent. Just as the most Blue Jay thing to do was take 2 of 3 from the Sox, losing 2 of 3 at home would be another highly Blue Jayish mindfuck of epic proportions. Stupid and arbitrary as it is, this series could serve as an excellent barometer for the season. This is a team that the Jays should stomp all over at home. Tonight almost seems like a forgone conclusion, putting fake pressure on fake number two starters Casey Janssen and Brian Tallet. More importatnly, will we see a return of MELONGATE?

On the Yankees Errorless Streak

If you care, I don't know what to tell you. The Yankees are 13th in the league in defensive efficiency, a fancy way of saying Derek Jeter and Robby Cano make zero errors on balls already bounding into the outfield. Good show gents.

And good show to Mr. Iracane, whom I stole the Yankee infield thoughts from as he fought with the Walkoff Walk lunchroom vending machine.

I Knew I Hated Jose Bautista for a Reason

The good men at Bluebird Banter are bringing us the goods more often this spring than a coke dealer to a strip club. After single-handedly trying to submarine Ricky Romaro's start yesterday, the BB boys clearly demonstrate with their around-the-diamond look at the Jays defense that Jose Bautista is good for nothing. Everywhere he plays. Corner infield? Sucks. Left field? Sieve-ish. I don't even want to think about Jose bumbling around at short stop. Speaking of SS, if Scutaro comes near his across-the-board excellent 2008, I'll be shocked. Shocked I say.

Speaking of defense, banned in Canada J from 3:10 to Joba uses our Toronto Blue Jays as a shining beacon of FIP and run prevention, an example he hopes his Jankees follow. I think he's on to something, the Yankees offense won't be much better in 2009, but even without the initialed wonders their rotation couldn't be worse. Only two starters made 25 starts? How did we finish behind them again? My shame grows.

Mop Up Duty hosted something of a blogger round table with an eye towards 2009 and beyond. There are even some of my answers peppered in there, do check it out. Good to see The Blue Jay Hunter join me on the J.J. Hardy train.

A Tour of the Penthouse

With the season nearly upon us and the moans of Blue Jays fans everyone growing louder by the day, I thought I'd seek out the opinion of a Yankee fan. What are they thinking heading into the season? What do they think of the Jays? Do they think of the Jays? Below you'll find the hard work of J from 3:10 to Joba. Enjoy

(stumbles in out of a Rolls Royce)

Well, hello there Jays fans and Canadians alike. It appears I have left my usually friendly confines and wound up in the wrong corner of the Internet again. Damn this Garmin to hell.

(eats Almas caviar and crackers, wipes mouth with funny-looking Canadian money)

Lloyd graciously asked me to help him preview the Yankees season and let me tell you, after I finished playing squash in the indoor court in my house, I was all too glad to do it. You see folks, my excessive behavior before you today is actually a result of the team I love as much as my own family. Simply being a fan of the Yankees supplements your income... it's like being on welfare, except without the stigma. Or the lack of being white.

All kidding aside, with the way the Yankees front office conducts its business, the fans seemingly are only one step away from demanding that the Yankees start paying them for their loyalty too. Fans (and this includes me obviously) were all undoubtedly spoiled by the 1996 - 2000 dynasty, and as such we enter every season with ludicrously high expectations for success. Couple those four World Series titles with the fact that the brass has no qualms with outspending every other team on the face of the planet and it's hard to blame the fan base for expecting a championship every year. Spending that much money demands results and in an offseason where the team spent almost half a billion dollars on free agent talent, the expectations for 2009 have officially reached ludicrous proportions. CC Sabathia loses his first two starts? Booed. Mark Teixeira only hits .260 in April? Booed. A lot of outsiders seem to think the harsh treatment of the fans was solely directed at Alex Rodriguez in recent years, but we're talking about the same group of people that have willingly booed Derek Jeter as well. As a realist (who thought A- Rod was getting a terrible rap up until the revelation that he is liar and a cheater), this behavior is fucking absurd. You simply do not boo Derek Jeter. Ever. That would be like Lloyd heckling Roy Halladay. Both Derek and Roy have done too much for their respective franchises to have earned even a moment of ire from the fanbases, yet in NY it's a whole different ballgame. The "what the fuck do we pay you for?" mentality permeates every aspect of the organization from management down to the guy sitting in the bleachers. Sure it can be funny when a member of the Steinbrenner family threatens to have a pitcher deported for coming up short in the quest to reach 200 IP and 25 wins, but it makes any lack of performance by the team all the more brutal to witness. The amount of money that the Yankees spend on a yearly basis insists on the concept that nobody within the organization is safe and if a player or coach isn't comfortable walking on eggshells, he had had better get used to it. You know the saying, "Mo money mo problems"? You're looking at its physical manifestation on earth, people.

Having said that, it's a lot of freaking fun to see my favorite team outspend everyone. It makes the offseason a bit more meaningful and fun to watch when the checkbooks are opened and the team could have a new face added at a moment's notice. For all the complaining about the Yankees free-spending ways, people don't realize something: they almost have to do it this way if they want to succeed. Their success in recent years doomed them to having poor draft position so they couldn't necessarily develop a Mark Teixeira from the inside, but rather had to buy his services from teams that could no longer afford them. Heck even the players that we have drafted are generally flameouts to begin with anyway. Joba Chamberlain and Phil Hughes mark the first time in years I've been excited about home-grown prospects and they still are not even fully on the radar within the organization's plans. I'm not looking for you to "feel bad for us" because we have to spend loads of money, I'm just pointing out that some teams just can't or won't play the Moneyball-style game.

No team in Major League Baseball gets extra wins or a World Series ring for being an idealist, you simply have to do the best you can with what you have. The Yankees have money (a lot of it, to be exact) and they do the best they can with it, and as a result are subject to an entire fanbase's excessive expectations. Yet in recent years, the absence of a championship has had the somewhat unintended effect of detracting from intensity. Both the team and the fanbase seems to be caught up in thinking that because of the Yankees bottomless coffers that the team can simply reload during every offseason. I don't have to share in the mentality of Jays fans that the year 2010 is a sort of a last ditch effort for the team to get into the big dance before they lose all of their stars because the Yankees can always reload with the "get 'em next year" mentality. Well next year has come and gone more than a few times now and with nothing to show for it except a lot of cash changing hands, the Yankees have to be a bit concerned about apathy growing within a perennially fickle fanbase. While this would never apply to me personally, the extended absence of A-Rod deals a huge blow to the lineup and no doubt there are some fans (read: insane people) already considering 2009 (or at least the first 2 months or so) a wash. Such is life when you expect a title every year. In a way, I almost wish the organization and fanbase shared the "now or never" mentality of the Blue Jays because really the only things that separate the two of us is a pile of money and a willingness to spend it.

Read J here 8 days a week. Thanks J!

FIPing Ain't Easy

Oh goodness me, the Yankees have spent so much money this off season, those of us that spend our winters in a Turkish coal mine might as well forgo returning to the AL East to compete with this juggernaut. I mean look at this rotation (or SUPER ROTATION, as Fangraphs describes it.) Who could possibly compete with that? Well for starters, the Yankees -as currently constructed- don't have the defensive team to support their seemingly robust pitching.

In 2008, the Yankees were a bad defensive team. The finished the year with a stellar -30 defensive plus/minus. A.J. Burnett is a lot of things, but a control pitcher is not one of them. He is going to put runners on, and no outfield combination of Johnny Damon (in 2008 he sported a -5.6 UZR in 30 games in center but a respectable 8.6 in left), Hideki Matsui (-15.5 UZR/150 for his career), Xavier Nady (0.5 UZR/150 games for his career in RF), and Melky Cabrera (-6.1 UZR/150 games for his career in the outfield) is going to help matters.

Losing the awful Abreu helps make them less bad, but they really aren't replacing him with much. They will miss his strong arm though, as only Melky Cabrera is above league average in this respect. You might ask; what about Nick Swisher? And I heard they're going to acquire Mike Cameron to shore up the outfield, you might say. Mike Cameron can still go and get it, responding with a fine 2008 after being swallowed whole by Petco Park in 2007. Nick Swisher is a lot of things and competent outfielder isn't really one of them. He can play all over the diamond, but only in right field does he do more good than harm. He'll most likely play first base for this team, heading up a wholly uninspiring collection of infield glovemen.

Piling on Jeter is tired and boring, and he showed a tremendous improvement from 2007 to 2008, according to his UZR. Sadly, he "improved" to a -0.4 UZR, so let's not start etching another Gold Glove quite yet. Robinson Cano's universally terrible 2008 saw him go from a +17 in 2007 to a -16 in 2008. Which is the real Cano? Considering 2007 has been his only season with a positive UZR, I'm going to go ahead and assume that he sucks. Alex Rodriquez offers league-average defense and far below average taste in women.

What does this mean for the Yankee hurlers? Only Chein Ming Wang is a true groundball artist counting on that less than airtight infield. Joba, AJ, and CC are all around 3/2 GB to FB. Last I heard, they aren't making the new Yankee Stadium any smaller, so they will suffer some slights at the hands of their bumbling outfield. While it would be ridiculous to suggest they haven't improved their team and their chances of returning to the post season, the team they've built around their world-beating rotation isn't helping the cause.

Poker Lessons with J.P. - Going All In Works Every Time but Once

When playing poker, a well-timed bluff has no downside. If you can move the other guy off his hand, you win! If you get called only to turn over jack shit, everyone thinks you're crazy. On top of the added bonus of pissing off strangers, you'll get paid off down the line when you've holding the nuts and no one believes you. It's all about optics.

On the surface, J.P. Ricciardi is playing fast and loose with the Jays limited-budget future. The Jays hilariously low-ball offers for Burnett pre-opt out seemed like due diligence; keep the season ticket holders happy by making an attempt to stay competitive. But reports of the Jays attempting to make up the lack of per year dollars with an additional year continue to surface. Holy fucking shit, could you imagine a worse scenario?

Darek Braunecker has become the drunk frat boy on an incredible run of cards. He's daring you to call him, assuming the deck will continue to hit him in the face. Early chatter from a myriad of suitors drove up the price and lengthened the terms of the contract, but already teams are balking at a fifth guaranteed year. No shit, a 37 year old power pitcher might not offer too much return on investment.

What if J.P's bluster and posturing, presumably driving up the price for the Sox & Yankees, ends up being the best offer on the table? What if they call his bluff and accept some ridiculous long-term contract? Is he pushing all his chips in with jack-ten suited, hoping he hits the flop hard enough in '09 to save his job for 2010? He can't possibly care that much, he certainly seemed more cavalier about his potential employment options than he has about making desperate moves to save his job.

So please J.P., slow down. Fold a few, go throw some money in a slot machine. I bet they'd comp you at the noodle bar, go decompress for a few minutes. He can sign with other teams, I bet the Cardinals will pay if they have to. The optics in this situation, the real reason for drawing out this charade in the first place, stink. You are getting the wrong type of table image: one of a lunatic that's sending good money after bad.

Yankees Exhaust the Minute Amount of Sentimental Currency I Lent Them

Annnnnddddddddd, we're back. Guess what? I still hate the Yankees with the fire of a thousand hobo stoves burning outside TODITB. They send out the "B" team and the Jays were stupefied. No Rodriquez, no Jeter, no Damon. Phil Hughes flew the Spruce Goose of hype right through the Blue Jays bats. Not even AJ Burnett and his Hammer of Doom could keep the Yankees at bay. Scott Rolen, he of the excellent September, tried as well; it simply wasn't happening.

I don't blame Jesse Carlson for the King Dong he served up, he loaded the bases so a run was likely. He threw 35 pitches last night, his highest total since April. He hit two guys, walked one and somehow the only lefty he retired was actively trying to speed up the process. Maybe the second inning was too much at the end of the season? But injuries, spot starts and Tallet's two innings the night before didn't leave Cito much choice.

Wednesday's With JP - Out with a Whimper

How sad, the final JP call-in of the year. Will the Jays flaccid stretch to end the season weigh heavy on the minds of the Wilner's disciples? I hope so, because I didn't get to see Baroness last night thanks to work responsibilities. My frustrations and hatred for my employment will all be revisited upon the heads of the lowest form of life; people I've never met! Healthy, wealthy, and wise am I.

Historian of the things you already know: If you fellas don't mind, I'm going to prattle on here for a good week, give you AJ's bio and regurgitate some stuff I read in the paper. Ignoring the obvious fact that no human would leave the kind of money AJ will be offered to stay with any company, no matter the circumstances, do you think he'll stay here because he's just figured out his preferred route to work? I know that once I changed jobs and I spent a good four years trying to figure out the quickest rou...

Voodoo Economics: I'm going to offer you a job my friend. Today is your lucky day. Based on your one call, I've decided to offer you a job here with the Toronto Blue Jays at 140% of your current pay. It is much more prestigious and we'll offer you lots of cool stuff as well. Would you accept? What if you current employer asked really nicely? You can start on Monday, I'll schedule the press conference.

JP and Mike chat about AJ's agent and the nature of players going through free agency for a second time. JP says nice things about the agent in a vain attempt to curry favour. No dice, you'll pay JP.

Tendons litter the Rogers Centre Floor: Everybody's hurt! Who's coming to save us all? If the pitching gets worse they'll lose 100 games!

Horatio Hornblower: Mike do you feel a draft? It feels drafty in here, but I like it. I thrive in drafty conditions. Cecil, Mills, others.

JP and Mike then discuss Arenciba taking BP. What a shock, JP says it went swimmingly. He hit balls to all fields, healed the sick and taught BJ Ryan to throw a knuckle ball.

Corporate Synergy Enjoyed by All: Should I sell my Rogers stocks? Where do they rank the Blue Jays? Is signing up for a three year data plan more meaningful than buying season tickets?

JP is in the blond girl's 5: Even I don't know that. They don't tell me anything. One thing I do know, MY5 is a great calling feature that lets you create your own calling circle...

The Longing: Who did you let go that you wish you coulda had?

The Yearning: Ted Lilly only tried to convert himself to a submariner mid-game and fight the manager mid-game once each. He'd be cool to have around.

Mikey mentions keeping Delgado before the money started flowing. My heart broke just a little. He also mentions Aaron Hill being with the team and looking good. My heart can take no more.

Cormac O'Reilly: Since the Famine, me 15 wee'uns and I like to go down the Rogers ground for Two Shilling Tuesday. Little Seany often tunes into the games at night, keeping the 7 children he shares a bed with up until all hours. Me kids love baseball, even more than Gaelic football! They want to know how the players get to the games? We were walking barefoot to Regan's First Communion and we saw a limousine. Were the players inside?

Wacking Day: Everyone loves baseball my spud-eating friend. The players ride their dump trucks powered by orphan tears to each game. On the road, we grease the streets with kitten blood and slide on our knees in Kevlar suits right into the ballpark. It's hard to find a hotel uphill sometimes.

Admitted Fairweather Fan: I read Ghostrunner on First all the time, and agree with the dashing young champion of Cito's cause. Why does he fall in love with guys in set "roles?"

Power Struggle: His job is more secure than mine. He can do whatever he wants.

A Betting Man: JP! I need the inside track! Who's going to win the World Series???? The wolves are literally at my door. My bookie has a wolf like Frodo in Sin City!

Tipster There: SWEEEET CARE-OH-LINE! BAP BAP BAHHHHHHHHH! Bring back NOMAH!

Baseball Insider: Regrets? You've had a few? Best transaction?

Humble JP: I made a deposit at the bank of YOMAMMA last night. Zing!

JP's Blackberry is going off AGAIN! The fuck man?

Guy already planning next year's fantasy draft: Who's on the free agent market?

JP: AJ Burnett. We aren't in the running?

MILB.com's webmaster: I'm already planning 2012's fantasy draft. Who should I keep my eye on for my 40 man roster only team?

J-Jack: We have lots of good young men. They're good. And young! Tolisano sounds awesome. Go here, they know the youth.

WBC! Coming Soon to a Rogers Property Near You! Catch the fever! Buy the ticket!

Justify my love: Lot's of our guys are good. People want them to play on their team. Scott Richmond has a chance to play for Canada. BURN GRIFF. JP BURNED YOU.

Pissed Jeans: OMGJPwhatareyougoingtodoaboutthepitcherseverybodyishurtwhenwilltheycomeback?

Speaks fluent Teenager: We're going to be young.

Wilner throws in a dig about the Chiefs "moving" to Vegas. JP sounds like he threw up on his mic.

The Fence: I bet if I sniffed around on the internet, I could learn about all the wonderful metrics and systems to track defensive efficiency. But fuck it, I'll ask an old school, Ford Festiva with 400 000 miles driving-scout turned GM.

JP Stengal: I'm like a feral animal. ALL INSTINCT. Numbers can't teach me what I can see and touch.

Bob hates BJ: Send him away. Trade a player when his value is lowest for something much more valuable. Do it now!

JP hates BJ also: Never going to happen. He's very large and would inflict grievous bodily harm upon my person.

Imma nail you JP: Why do you hide behind the division you play in? Other teams overcome small budgets to win?

Pwn3d: But, but our division's REALLY hard. The other teams are ALWAYS good. It's not an excuse if I believe it to be fact.

Awww, no JP all winter. That sucks. Now I have to think another shtick to steal. Boo. I'm sure somebody else will think of something, I'll think it's cool and then: PROFIT!

Notes from New York

Derek Jeter has played post-season baseball every year of his career; dating back in his rookie season of 1995. With the post-season galaxies away in 2008 people have been wondering how Derek would spend his October after so many years of fall baseball. Word around the league is that Jeter, along with good friends Bernie Williams and Chuck Knoblauch, will spend most of the month fly fishing in Louisiana and hanging out at Joe Torre's pad in Los Angeles. There's a chance Roger Clemens may show up half way through the month if he's not too busy getting fat in Houston or partaking in federal court proceedings.

In hopes of a very late playoff push, the Yankees are close to activating minor league coach Luis Sojo for some added experience and leadership. It's been suggested that Sojo would be number two on the depth charts at all infield positions behind Alex Rodriguez, Derek Jeter and Robinson Cano. Sojo should look forward to roughly zero at bats during the home stretch. The Yankees do feel he's an excellent pinch runner though.

Ivan Rodriguez received a two-game suspension for his part in a brief scuffle during a recent game versus the Angels. He also sat out today's affair, complaining of whiplash-like symptoms. While I'm suppose it's possible this ailment is related to Pudge being shoved from behind by Torii Hunter; they more likely the result of the very bitch-like open handed girl swat he whistled by Hunter's ear during the ensuing skirmish. Though I suppose that is up for debate.

The Yankees are moving out of their garbage-dump park into a building across the street that, for all intents and purposes, is exactly the same. I guess you have no choice to move when the place is falling apart, smells like urine (and feces at times) and is occupied by about as many rodents as fans. Someone better remember to get the Boss's golf cart out of the parking garage before it's demoed. Motherfucker would be lost without it.

The Yankees pitching staff is quite awful. It's a wonder they've won as many games as they. Rasner should be in A ball and Andy Pettitte really just should have stayed home this season. Either that or take some other type of HGH that would have ensured he didn't suck as often as he does. I'm not even going to talk about Sidney Ponson. Everyone can figure that shit out for themselves. LaTroy Hawkins and Kyle Farnsworth coming out of the pen is a real good way to ensure any lead you may have had is lost quite quickly.

2008 Yankees payroll - $209,081,579
(1st by $70,369,382, more than the total payroll of 11 big league teams)
Evidence that you don't always get what you pay for, especially when spent stupidly.

It's starting to feel more like the late eighties every day.

Fuck the Yankees.

Halladay on the hill, I still hate the Yankees

As we move closer and closer to September, it would seem the Jays still have aspirations of a playoff berth. If the Doc tosses a game anything like his last start tonight, we should have a chance to gain a little bit of ground on the Sox. Fuck, Roy Halladay would throw a complete game every single time he took the mound if you'd let him. 100 pitches, 200 pitches....he doesn't give a fuck. If he doesn't pitch at least seven innings tonight, I'll more than likely eat my hat. Chances are good as Halladay is 12-5 vs. the Yanks with a solid 2.88 ERA in his career.

Seeing the Yankees in town reminds me just how much I fucking hate them. What I'd actually enjoy seeing tonight would be Alex Rodriguez tearing his Achilles tendon, Sidney Ponson taking a line drive to the grill via the bat of Johnny Mac, Johnny Damon dropping a dozen more easy fly balls and see Jason Giambi's mustache spontaneously combusting, also causing his uniform to catch fire.

Roy Halladay is 44-19 in his career following a Jays loss, so I'm pretty sure the tipster would advise that the smart money is on the Jays. Either that or he'd suggest something retarded, like how since the Mets beat the Braves last night, they'll probably win again just because, so it's a smart bet too.

Know Your Enemy: White Tar Edition

Adam Lind having popped the clutch on the Blue Jays bandwagon, this week's series against the Bronx Bombers is being billed as a Big One. Perhaps we should gaze into the smoggy depths of Yankeeland and find out what we are getting ourselves into.

• Bad news for Jays pitching as Hideki Matsui will be coming off the DL for tomorrow's game. Matsui's had success against the Jays, knocking 10 tater tots in 90 games. Matsui's knee will only allow him to DH, meaning both Johnny Damon and Jason Giambi must both strap on the leather. Giambi's defense has improved greatly this year, and his more into latex than leather.
• Another boon for Yankee opponents is the possible return of Carl Pavano. The move up from punchline to rotation contributor is huge, but if Mike Hampton remains employed, there is hope for Pavano.
• With two full years left on his contract, it is already time to begin the Derek Jeter=Brett Favre laziness. Oh heavens! What if Derek Jeter isn't a Yankee for life? It really makes me long for the days when players were cattle, and had no right to choose where they played or for how much. How else can we romanticize our legends? How else can a retired ballplayer ensure he'll never pay for a meal again in his life?
• The Yankees are going to squeeze every last cent of revenue from the new Stadium that they can. They are going to ban all outside food and beverage; forcing the lowly plebes that can afford Yankee tickets to shell out even more for the honor of buying a sponsored drink.
• Carnies are to be pitied, and are unanimously Yankee fans.

The pitching matchups for this series are a real "who's who" of wife beaters and cups of coffee. Darrell Rasner against the man with career highs in wins, ERA+ (high meaning low) and WHIP AJ Burnett. Guess which one of those things will ensure him 3/45? Andy Petitte and David Purcey hook up Wednesday, which should be interesting. Halladay and Ponson will close the series, and hopefully the book on Ponson's sad career.

Weekend in Brief

The New York Yankees - Instantly Hateable Since 1903

While the Red Sox Nation seems to have taken over as the preeminent home to omnipresent front runners and white-hatted douche bags; the Yankees continue their proud tradition of inducing rage. Despite this being the year when they finally fall from grace, they still boil my blood and send me reaching for my 222's. IT IS MY RIGHT AS A CANADIAN.

Fun with Baseball Reference

Jesse and I were recently discussing the evolution of Three True Outcome guys and the birth of the Patient Slugger. Jesse Barfield (not far from a three outcome guy) brought up Jack Clark, a guy that didn't get the level of recognition he likely deserved. His 1987 season was clearly ahead of the game. 136 walks, 139 K's. Leading the league in OBP and slugging (and therefore OPS) with a cool 35 home runs. Billy Beane would be proud. Of course, in 1987 numbers like that wouldn't get you the MVP. Andre Dawson's much more HR & RBI happy year landed him the hardware in the NL; while George "You can't walk off the island" Bell won in the AL. Understandable, but Jack Clark finished behind OZZIE SMITH in the MVP voting!!! That OPS+ of 105 really swung the vote. There is hope for Johnny Mac yet.

While Jack Clark was a revelation, I wondered about Rob Deer, Dave Kingman et al. Were they truly all or nothing sluggers, or early versions of Adam Dunn & Ryan Howard. Frankly, No. They were pretty terrible. Historically, mind-blowingly terrible in fact.

Dave Kingman had a 1982 season to remember. 35 home runs, not bad at all. Getting on base at a .285 clip, alright. Those were the times. Wait a damn minute, does that say he hit 35 home runs and ONLY HAD 9 (NINE) 9 DOUBLES ALL YEAR LONG???? Jesus Mary and Joseph it does!!! 9 doubles!!! 35 home runs and 9 doubles! That doesn't even seem possible. This was 1982, there was AstroTurf everywhere. You'd think a couple would have bounced over the fence? Taken one off the wall instead of over? My brain hurts but my heart soars. Dave Kingman, you are a credit to fat dudes everywhere; and accomplished something that makes such a small amount of sense that I am in awe. Congratulations.

The Midsummer Classic

Who gives a shit? Keep checking this space when people aren't playing games, as we'll try and keep you entertained while the Evan Longoria tries not to ruin his swing. Some blasts from Blue Jay past, the Mormon with no name and perhaps a visit from JP...

Jays Take Rubber Match, Head Home wi-What the Fuck Just Happened?

Mother of god. I can only imagine the type of pain I would feel had I actually seen the terrible act that stupid Yahoo gamechannel for jerks just simulated for me. Terrible things should happen to Giambi. Terrible, unspeakable things.

Ready for the Yankees to go 25-5 in June? Because it's going to happen. You know what else is going to happen? Death. We're all going to die one day, no matter how much soy you drink or how many spinning classes you attend. I just hope it happens sooner rather than later.

In other news

The amateur draft was today. The Jays took a guy that plays a position and hits either left or right. Perhaps both. He likely projects well, standing to amass stats and improve as he nears adulthood. Based on today's game, he is much more likely to be struck by a lightening-powered runaway freight train carrying a full load of buses than ever participate in post-season baseball in a Toronto Blue Jays uniform.

Ceteris Paribus

The Reverend is officially ass busy with the onset of spring and foolish retired people at his club. I however will try and get posts in, though they could be sparse over the next couple of weeks.

Shaun Marcum getting off to this start doesn't surprise me one bit. If you watched enough of him last year, it was clear he had command, the ability to locate along with decent stuff. Last time I checked, that shit wins you games.

As for Eckstein, Wilner does indeed have it right. However he's not pointing out anything that I would hope most Jays fans realize. Take one look down their lineup. It's fairly evident Eckstein isn't one of the better hitters. I would hope there isn't anyone out there thinking otherwise to begin with. There are two things that are indeed true. John McDonald can't fucking hit either and David Eckstein is in fact a better hitter than he is, the numbers don't lie. In no way am I taking anything away from McDonald, who has shown he can play a ridiculous shortstop. I wouldn't have Eckstein batting leadoff either.

If the Jays play as they have been, good things will come.

Alex Rodriguez hit a dinger tonight that had some importance as if I, or anyone really, gives a fuck. The Yanks were up 7-3 going into the top of the 5th and, oops,
gave up 6 runs. Clowns.

UPDATE - Evidently neither of these idiot teams feel like trying tonight as it's
11-9 Yankees after five. Way to play guys.

Fuck everyone, I'm golfing tomorrow.

One of the Fattest States

Coming off a piss poor effort against Oakland, the Jays stroll into one of America's most obese states on somewhat of a low. It's true Texas is home to 5 of the top 14 fattest cities in America, but no matter. Vincent Padilla takes the mound tonight to throw the Jays batting practice in what is sure to result in a Jay victory right? Normally I'd say yes, however last season in their only series at Arlington, they were outscored 21-7 and lost all three games. On top of that, they're only 6-22 in the fat state since the 2002 and have lost 16 of the last 19 games.

For some unexplainable reason, the Rangers are averaging over 6 runs a game at home versus the Jays and have scored more than 10 runs in 5 of these last 19 games. Add to that that the Rangers team ERA has been in the bottom half of the AL every year since 1991 and you get even more fucking confused.

Seems to me the Jays are better than their record indicates and I think most would agree. Shit, it's 9 games in and the panic button shouldn't even be within reach. They were swept by the A's, but were either tied or ahead going into the 9th inning of each game. The Bullpen let them down, and I seriously doubt the trend will continue for an extended period of time. They could have one all three against the idiot Yankees and swept the Sox and here we are.

Playing the Yankess and the Red Sox tough is one thing, and an important part of having a shot at the East, but if you can't beat the teams you're supposed to beat, you have no chance.

Fuck the Ghostrunner Curse.

NOTE - Sager over at another fabulous blog makes some points many fans need to read about the Jays keeping Reed Johnson, well done indeed.

Idiots

I read an article today about the American League East and how things have changed from a few year back when the Red Sox seemed to be constantly chasing the Yankees for the AL East crown and just couldn't get there. Now, it would appear that the Yankees are the ones chasing the Red Sox for the crown.

The last time I checked, there were three other teams that share the same Opening Day record as the Yankees and the Sox. Another team, however unlikely, could have the stars align for them and win the East. It would seem to me, if you're writing an article about the East, at least acknowledge the existence of the other teams fuckface. It isn't a two team division, no matter what you think.

Oh how I wish for these two teams tank and all the idiot Boston and Yankee writers remember how to go and fuck themselves.

Idea - Stick to the Osborne...I mean Oscar's

In what must seem shocking to most people, Billy Crystal struck out in his lone at bat today in the Grapefruit league game between the Yankees and Pirates. Dawning a Yankees jersey with the number 60, which is how old he turns on Friday, Crystal did actually manage to make contact with the second of six pitches he saw from Pirates hurler Pat Maholm. Crystal inked a one-day contract with the Yankees a couple days ago with approval from Bud Selig. He led off the bottom half of the first slotted in the lineup as the DH. For some reason he received a standing ovation from the idiotstick fans at Legends field. Crystal actually worked the count to 3-1 before Maholm probably decided to bring the MLB shit refusing to be knowns as the clown who couldn't get Billy Fucking Crystal out. Johnny Damon batted for him in the third bringing an resounding end to Crystal's stellar MLB career. Believe it or not, this whole fiasco was set into motion by none other than Derek Jeter while the two were vacationing in Costa Rica during the off-season. I suppose you could call it a publicity stunt, though I can't imagine what Crystal needs publicity for? I believe the last good movie the guy was in was back in around 1991. I'm pretty sure most you have one of them on VHS or something.

Bottom line is that the New York Yankees are idiots, and this proves it. Maybe the Lakers are thinking about putting Jack Nicholson on the the floor at the three spot in an upcoming game...

Holy Shit! Baseball on TV

Why would Sportsnet go to the trouble of broadcasting a Yankees intra-squad game?

I know that it has been said a million times, but Michael Kay and former Yankee X are unwatchable. They could barely stifle their laughter as they briefly touched on the Jays' new leadoff man, until they stumbled onto a juicy little factoid: Eckstein has two World Series rings.

THAT IS CORRECT MICHAEL KAY, YOU BRAYING MORON. THIS LITTLE WEASEL HAS TWO MORE RINGS THAN A-ROD, GIAMBI AND MUSSINA COMBINED! LUBE UP YOUR JETERBONER WITH STEINBRENNER'S TEARS!

Fuck I hate the Yankees. My favorite quote of the inning that I saw: "A lot of things have to go right for the Jays to pass the Red Sox or the Yankees this year." Is that so? I guess the Jays are heading into the season with two completely unproven rookies (both of whom missed time due to injury in their first attempt at a rookie season) and a nucleus that is older than time itself. These two (or any two YES drones) make Chuck Swirsky look like Bob Woodward.


UPDATE - YES, SUICIDE IS A VIABLE OPTION: Aaron Hill lashes double to right center, Former Yankee X (whom I believe to be John Flaherty) commends the Yankee centerfielder for his effort, informs mouth-breathing troglodytes viewing audience that he is a good defender. Way to go Aaron?

The other side of 161st

Yes, I hate the New York Yankees more than most things in this world. Sure, it's true that I wouldn't mind if an outbreak of the plague crippled the team; dashing any hopes of a playoff birth in 2008. All of that being said, I do find it a shame that Yankee stadium is set to begin its final season as home to the New York Yankees. The (more or less) same ballpark the team has been playing in since it was built back in 1923. I understand why the Yankees want to move into a new stadium, it's just too bad baseball will be losing one of it's few remaining truly lengendary parks. I guess I'm somewhat of a traditionalist in this regard, but I know I'm not alone in that feeling either.

I love watching, but more importantly attending baseball games. The stadium in which you watch a live baseball game can add so much to the experience. Although I haven't been lucky enough to see a game live at Yankee stadium, I know many who have who've had nothing but amazing things to say about it. I've also seen enough games on TV to understand why it's such a special place to watch a game. I'm trying to figure out a way to get to a game this season, so that I could be lucky enough to say I saw the Yankees get their asses handed to them.

Plans to auction off some of the contents of the stadium have already been put in place by the team as well as the city (the city purchased the stadium from the team in 1972). No details have been finalized on when the wrecking ball will spell the end for the famed stadium, which stands next to the Harlem river in the Bronx. And don't expect to be able to haul off any really great memorabilia, as I'm quite sure the Hall of Fame will have first crack at the really great stuff. Though not finalized it is expected that the stadium will be re-built into a complex of three fields. One for softball, one for Little league and one that will host high school and college games. At least the city is replacing it with more baseball fields rather than condos or some commercial monstrosity. Good on them.

The Yankees begin their final season in the "House that Ruth built" on March 31st against the Jays and are also hosting the 2008 All-star game. At least the famous park is going out on a high note. Let's hope the team utterly tanks though.