Saturday, May 3, 2008

Extraneous Thoughts from The Ballpark

Jays Win = You're Moshing
I think I'm running out of ways to describe the dominance of this pitching staff.

Mark Buehrle is a left handed homeless man's Roy Halladay
Not a homeless left handed man like Jesse Orosco, Arthur Rhodes or Mike Stanton, I mean he does a reasonable Roy Halladay impression. Works quick, throws strikes.

Orlando Cabrera is swarthy man's John McDonald
They each made jaw-dropping plays during the game. I'll give Johnny Mac the edge because I want to. Seeing him in the lineup made me all warm and tingly. Again, not that it means anything, but the Jays are now 4-1 when he starts at short. David Eckstein, though he didn't play, still managed to piss me off. At the end of the game as the Jays walked out to exchange pleasantries, the Weasel made a big production of HUSTLING TO BE FIRST IN THE HANDSHAKE LINE. I don't know why, but it made my want to rush the field and rain blows down upon him.

Shawn Marcum will throw you any pitch in any count
He just doesn't care. One thing I worry about is the whole "I was really sick" story that seems to appear every time he has a great outing. We already love you Stieb-lite, you don't have to force the issue.

Closer by Commitee - Heart attack on Demand
Me - Awesome, top of nine. Somebody make the scoreboard explode, it's Bo Junior o'clock. Oh wait, he pitched yesterday. Wait, who the fuck is that on the mound? Shawn Camp? Mother of god. Now they're bringing in Shutter Downs? Isn't his arm broken or something? Give me strength. I will concur with the Reverend and say that Jesse Carlson is straight-up boner fodder. In my mind he's becoming Andrew WK. Hey you, let's party. Carlson's going to have a party tonight.

The Rogers Center reminds me of a cemetery for librarians
No fanfare preceeded the top of the 9th. You'd think that this team leading a game in the late innings was commonplace. The Rogers Center was dead last night. The stupid wave appeared in a 2-0 game in the top of the eighth inning. I'm going to start a fire. Though the fat dudes who spent 8 innings yelling variations of "You suck Cox" to the Sox third base coach deserve some credit. No, they actually deserve public flogging. Hey fat people, stop being fat. It's gross.

Fun in Real Time (Saturday's Game from my desk at work)
Who knew? Another Jay start, another outstanding performance. Jesse Litsch used his phone to take a picture of his red rocket. He then sent that picture to David Purcey. You won't steal his job that easily Dave. Jays scored runs, even hit a home run. Alex Rios just stole third off of a very expensive reliever. Aaron Hill is the streakiest hitter on the team, and maybe in the world. BO JUNIOR! SLIPKNOT! FIRE! JIM THOME IS BIGGER THAN THE BATTERS BOX! Rehabbing BJ Ryan is officially a top-stepper. WINNING STREAK! QUALITY STARTS! SUPERLATIVES!

1 comment:

  1. Imagine facing a four pitch pitcher, who throws them all for strikes, and one of those four may come at any time during the count?

    Good Luck kids.


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