Sunday, May 4, 2008

Numbers Game


Hey, Lyle. How are things? Yeah, you're right, things aren't looking too hot for you or the team offensively these days. The team is winning, true. And you play the hell out of the lukewarm corner. You even had an RBI today. Which is good. But other than that Lyle, you're kind of blowing it.

Oh Lyle, things started out so well for you. You were everything the Jays hoped for and more in your first season. Then last season, you started out poorly. Then broke your hand. So last year was a write-off. This year though, Lyle, hopes were high. But you've started out the season rather rolling low. But why?

Well, quite frankly, you strike out too damn much. The most on the team. Your BABIP is exactly the same this year as during your excellent 2006 campaign, you just aren't putting it into play enough. And when you are, you seem to be going the other way almost exclusively. Which isn't a bad thing per se, but could explain why you aren't racking up the doubles as you've been know to do.

It's your fault for fucking up the kidsWhy aren't you pulling the ball Lyle? Is this a conscious choice? Is Denbo all up in your shit, trying to turn you into Ichiro? Remember when Eric Neel gave you a big shout out? I do, he said you hit doubles falling out bed! Go back to falling out of bed Lyle! (Ed. Note: I really, really miss those Eric Neel On Baseball columns)

Maybe that's it. Maybe this is a precipitous drop off thanks to being on the wrong side of 30? Maybe you're thinking more about getting into bed than doubling to the power alley? Maybe you've lost some bat speed? I can't tell, the view from my parents basement isn't good enough. (Ed. Note: I also really miss Botch. I don't think Eric Neel likes Botch, but I sure do.)

There is one more number that you should crunch along with me Lyle. 17. Now that Frank is gone, why not take your old number back? It won't make a lick of difference, but you're a ball player. You believe in this crap. Do it. It'll feel good. Real good. 35 is a ballplayer's number. 17 is for overrated never-wases. If wearing 35 will help you regain your power stroke and find you driving the ball, by all means don it once again.

Just do something. Your inherent genetic flaw (left handedness) is actually a good thing in this game, and in this lineup specifically. Just think back to the view from second base. You can see it all from there. The signs, the girls serving in the expensive seats. And you're almost home. Come on Lyle, come home.

1 comment:

  1. now thats funny, sadly so true!
    www.captainfanatic.com

    ReplyDelete

Send forth the witticisms from on high