Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Jays Continue to Struggle Against 1961 Yankees

Greg "Whitey Ford" Smith stymied the Jays once again, running the Oakland juggernaut's record to a perfect 4-0 versus the Jays this season. "They're just a special bunch." JP Riccardi said in reference to his former employers. "Beaner has really assembled a murderers row here. Jack Cust could be a Roger Maris stunt double."

Daric "Moose" Barton was back in the lineup after missing almost a week with tonsillitis. When asked if he ever missed time with tonsillitis, Moose Skowron said in his day they were either too drunk or high on greenies to know if they were sick, but "if a guy asked for a day off because he had a cold, the rest of the fellas would have thought he was a pansy."

Reporters crowded around Frank Thomas' locker after the game, the only player to have played for both the 1961 Yankees and the current edition of the A's. "We did some things differently back then, but the comparison is valid." Thomas offered when asked to compare the two. Thomas added that he thinks "Bobby Crosby drinks more than the Mick ever did" and his real motivation for signing with the A's this year was the opportunity to wear white shoes and sansabelt slacks "with dignity."

The Jays, in a cruel twist of irony, played more like the 1961 Kansas City A's than the '61 Yankees. More stranded runners, more unearned runs. AJ Burnett did his best to perform like an olde-tyme pitcher, throwing 108 pitches in 5 2/3 innings. Things look up for the local nine, as actual throwback Roy Halladay goes against the Paper Mache Kid in what will be a great pitchers duel until the entire entire right side of Rich Harden's body spontaneously combusts.

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