Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Toronto Blue Jays Announce Signing Of Cristiano Ronaldo

Who Are Ya?
Noted scumbag and prancing weenie Cristiano Ronaldo has been signed by the Toronto Blue Jays to piss me off and generally be a pain in the ass. General Manager JP Riccardi noted that "even the best players have a hard time scoring! Look at him, he was only standing 12 yards from a giant net and still he couldn't get one across." JP remained confident that the flamboyant nancyboy will smoothly transition from choking during penalty kicks to watching third strikes with the bases loaded in the bottom of the ninth.

John Gibbons was unavailable for comment, storming out of his office after the GM told him the news. Several reporters overheard him shouting "how many homos can one team have" to the GM before saying he preferred players who used "more eyeblack than hair gel."

The Jays have shutdown discussions with potential all star shortstop John Terry, as he has been placed on the disabled list with a broken heart. He's expect to be out for the next 40 to 50 years.


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