Tuesday, May 13, 2008

I'm Confused, What Does "W" Stand For?

Pity poor Jamey Carrol, he's still recovering from his run-in with a rumbling train.

Shaun Marcum - Consumer of Batting Orders and Superlatives

What is left to say? Each start is better than the last. He's bound to have a bad start soon, but he doesn't strike me as the type of pitcher to just have a terrible bed shitting. Perhaps some Towers-esque wildness in the strike zone? He changes speeds so well that even that seems avoidable.

Asdrubal Cabrera Shuns Other Infielders, Vowels

Asdrubal Cabrera joined Mickey Morandini and Troy Tulowitzki in the exclusive "Middle Infielders with Goofy Names" club. Another member of the unassisted triple play club was in attendance as well. Randy Velarde has been a confectioner at Progressive Field for the past 4 years. When reached for a comment, Velarde simply said "people don't tip when they are giving standing ovations. Sit down and feed my family, I beg of you."

Exciting and Dynamic Graph Makes Learning Fun

This site (via Shysterball) graphs a team's performance versus total salary. Interesting yet pointless. That is how we get down around here. The graph is updated daily so you can track the progress of...fuck it. So you can watch the pretty lines move. That is the only reason to update it daily. Oh no, my team's graph has an relatively large slope! The Tigers and Yankees are competing to see who's most mentioned in both economics and calculus classes.

Scoring Runs is Integral to Winning

As Wilner details, many squared-up balls ended up in leathery graves tonight. I just hope nothing panicky and hare-brained goes down in the name of shaking things up. Some misguided people have suggested "selling high" on a guy like Marcum with a "big bat" coming in return. Lunacy. Insanity. Overwhelmingly braindead retardedity.

The Blue Jays are not a fantasy team. The American Leauge is not a keeper league with the really, really high stakes. They are trying to run a business and win baseball games. IN THAT ORDER. Pitching is baseball's greatest commodity. Cheap pitching is what every team craves.

Look at Billy Beane. What did he trade Mark Mulder (effective pitcher due a big payday) for? CHEAP PITCHING. When that cheap pitching came of age, he flipped it for MORE CHEAP PITCHING. If you can't hit (like the Blue Jays) but you can pitch, you'll be in almost every game. The wins will come if you keep getting people out. If you can't pitch, you have no shot. None. Zero.


  1. Is it racist against white people to say that Jamey Carrol looks like an alien life form?

  2. Those Oakleys aren't doing him any favours, that is for sure.


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