Saturday, May 17, 2008
Ghostrunner Curse - The Evolution
It seems as though the "Ghostrunner Curse" has given way to something more heinous. The "Ghostruuner on First Guys Are Full of Shit, Anything They Say Will Result in the Opposite of the Desired Outcome, With Only the Gravest of Consequences" curse is less a curse and more of a burden. As any basement-dwelling ne'erdowell knows, you make enough predictions, some are bound to be right. Of course, many are bound to be oh so terribly wrong.
In our brief history, we've seen strange things happen after insulting or praising players or teams. Kevin Millar breaks out of slump, hits game-winning home run. Scott Rolen is hailed as the saviour, only to have our throbbing manboner break his finger. High-end profile writer Ben McGrath is praised for outstanding work in the field of Baseball Eccentrics, he leaves the New Yorker to write for TMZ.com. Note: This is entirely untrue. The most shocking of all came just yesterday. Jayson fucking Werth shattered my belief system to the core.
I tried to appease the angry gods of fate. I even gave him credit! I said he's put together a decent season! My grave error was referring to him as a shitstick. Oh, the karmic power of the shitstick is not to be trifled with. 3 home runs and club-record 8 RBI later, I'm afraid to leave the house. Who knows what awful damage my next utterance may bring? I've already ruined my favorite player's career, how much more blood can I possibly get on my hands??
I'm not sure what to do. Is the universe angry with me? Is it because I haven't seen Iron Man? Are the heavens displeased with my choice of putting down Atlas Shrugged in favour of The Dark Knight Returns? I'm sorry, I swear. I'll stop using the future tense, the present tense AND the passive voice. Oh shit, wait.
The Jays continue their series with the Phils tonight. Fucked if I know what will happen. AJ Burnett may or may not pitch, the Jays will either win or lose. The game will be decided by whichever team manages to score the most runs. At this point, all I hope for is an orderly game that will eliminate the need for a violent bloodbath.