Friday, May 9, 2008

Jeff Spicoli Named Blue Jays GM

I'm America's Most Respected Actor
All he needs are some tasty waves, a cool buzz and he's fine. And a right hand hitting left fielder with some pop. When presented with a list of fine prospective employees (Thanks to the Southpaw for doing the heavy lifting here) including Jason Botts, Milton Bradley, Josh Phelps and Kevin Mench, GM Spicoli brushed the names aside. His advanced scouting team has decided that the aforementioned lefty mashers wouldn't be joining the team, mostly because "Those guys are fags" and the team would be signing Brad Wilkerson instead. Sources have revealed that Mr. Hand has been serving as a special consultant to the new GM, providing inside information pertaining to prospective outfielders indeed being on dope.

Spicoli will be ordering his pizza to the opposing dugout for the next 10 days, as his Blue Jays are heading out for long road trip. Roy Halladay will take on C.C. Sabathia tonight, the Tribe's ace still boiling over the Jays headman's destruction of his prized Firebird. The Clevelanders are very much a Blue Jay doppelgänger, matching their anemic offensive with equally impressive pitching. Sabathia has struggled for much of the year, though he had a good start against the Yankees recently. Halladay has always fared well against the Spiders, and the Jays are surely going to need a good start to make up for the non-Rolen offense.

Update: GM Spicoli has removed the bagel from his shorts and made a move. The Jays have actually gone ahead and acquired Kevin Mench. Gus Chacin has been informed that while he doesn't have to go home, he does have to get the hell out of here.

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