Another Quick Dispatch, Done Half-Assed in Honour of Working People Everywhere

Another bullet point post, as a couple news items popped up today.

• David Eckstein is now a Diamondback. I often referred to him as a weasel, which is similar to a mongoose. The mongoose is the natural enemy of the cobra, so this move will end badly. It has been written. Oh Davey, you shouldn't have been here in the first place. If you had to be here, if probably should have played sometimes. Either way, I'm sure his brief stay with the Jays will quickly fade from my memory.
• Roy Halladay is still awesome. He beat the Yankees four times this year, something that says a lot about him, and a little about the Yankees.
• Rocco went 3 for 3 yesterday, raising his OPS to 1.063. Make that paper Rocco.
• Lady Andrea of Bugs & Cranks and Ladies... fame enlisted my help for a Ladies piece she did about Mancrushes. Check it out, please don't mind my awful spelling.

I don't know about you, but three-day weekends are pretty much the best. Work blows. If only there was a Jay game to attend, I'd be that much happier. The fluky Twins come into town to start the week, then a Rocco weekend! An outing is in the works.

Oh Beej

Well I suppose that no one is perfect. Not even Blue Jay closer B.J. Ryan, who today blew his first save of the season. He allowed a pair of runs in the bottom of the ninth and the Jays fell to the Angels 4-3. A.J. Burnett had a stellar outing throwing eight strong allowing only three hits and two runs while striking out eight.

It was the second day in a row the Jays were on the wrong end of a walk off loss, and they now travel to NYC to face the scumbags for three. Rod Barajas continued to baffle fans, hitting his second home run in as many days and raising his average to .298 while picking up his 17th RBI in the process. As the Jays head East, 31-28 doesn't feel that bad, especially with the lack of offense most of the season.

Tuesday = Doc vs. Joba

I believe it necessary for someone, anyone, Johnny Mac, Marco Scutaro whoever, to explain to David Eckstein he doesn't have to ensure every single throw he makes is 100% fundamentally correct and that he comes directly & 100% over the top on each throw. Clown.

Elsewhere - For the first time in a century (A century is 100 fucking years for those who for whatever reason are idiots) the Chicago Cubs are at the top of the MLB standings on June 1st. You what that shit is, fucked up. Ty Cobb was a fresh-faced 22 year old bigot playing his 4th season with the Tigers. Babe Ruth was only 13 years old, and Henry Ford produced the very first Model T automobile. As we are aware, the Cubs went on to win the World Series in 1908, the last time they accomplished the feat. The poor bastards.

Jays Lefty Mashers Mash A's Lefty

As I stated during DJF's jovial live blog: Jesse Litsch has a 16 inning scoreless streak, the Blue Jays scored a dozen AND totaled 7 extra base hits, with a home run among them! I'll begin hoarding canned goods and bottled water. Note: The Jays moved to an absurd 14-1 in day games, meaning the team and I will be allies during the zombie apocalypse. Together we will take back the night and feast on the molting flesh of the undead.

Aaron Hill had a Gary Carter hat trick with a hit, a walk and a teammate's elbow to the face. The Hustling Weasel David Eckstein grittily ran over Hill in dogged pursuit of a lazy popup in a 10-0 game. Perhaps Davey is sensing that he is slipping into the Mariana Trench end of the SS depth chart. Lefty Masher Kevin Mench added a cool 60 points to his average and hit is first extra base hit of the year. Lefty Month of May Masher Rod Barajas contributed three doubles(!) while catching both ends of the dreaded "night game before a day game" kneecap softener. Scott Rolen came out after the 7th inning to bask in his own magnificence. I encourage you to do the same.

A quick note to those considering giving the Jays up for dead. This is the type of team the Blue Jays can be. In fact, this is the kind of team the Jays are. Jesse Litsch will give up runs, and eventually, (gasp) lose games. But their pitching staff from top to bottom is the TRUTH. They won't score 12 every night, or knock 7 extra-base hits, but they can expect production and offense from 1-9 on any given night. They managed all this with one of their "best" hitters going 0-6 and the other playing WiiFit with his hyperactive kids. This is a team that NOBODY will want to play. One with a great deal of meaningful baseball in the not-so-distant future.

Not to be denied

Roy Halladay wasn't going to go out and throw another gem and come away with the loss. I was pretty sure of that. David Eckstein did his best to try and saddle Roy with the loss. His brutal throw after an Orlando Cabrera grounder pulled Lyle Overbay off the bag at first and paved the way for a three run third for the Sox. We all know how that shit could have been avoided.

That was all the Sox could muster, and the Jays ran their winning streak to four behind the continued brilliance of their pitching staff. Jesse Carlson came in and continued to baffle opposing hitters, while Jeremy Accardo and Scott downs came in and shut the door in the ninth.

One more thing I'm sure of: the OPS express will get his bat going soon and make everyone finally shut the hell up about Reed Johnson. I will add, and am unhappy to do so, that Shannon Stewart has been a huge disappointment, but not all calculated moves always work out.

Haven't I seen this before?

I'm pretty sure I did. I clearly remember sitting here on my couch watching the Jays lose to the Red Sox in the bottom of the ninth on a single up the middle. Although, who'd really expect to win games when you can't actually get players across home plate. Really, that is the goal of baseball, to get as many of your players to cross home, hopefully more often than the other team resulting in victory. Sadly, it appears they have forgotten just how to do this, resulting in yet another wasted pitching effort, this time by Dustin McGowan.

There isn't much more that can be said. If you don't score runs, you're not going to win very often. Last time I checked, scoring once or twice a game just doesn't cut it. McGowan continues to show that he just may have the stuff to be a #1 one day, and I for one am not at all surprised. David Eckstein continues doing a great job of getting out, and it seems he's shown Vernon Wells, Lyle Overbay and Aaron Hill how to go about doing it as well.

Watching Johnny Mac come in to pinch run and subsequently get picked off was indicative of just how it's been going lately for this team, and I can only imagine they feel like complete ass at this point.

ON THE SIDE -

The Habs lose to the horseshit Flyers. If there is a team I dislike more in professional sports, I'm can't think of it. Fuck Bobby Clarke.

The Phillies lose, like I give a shit. However, Ryan Howard continues to look like a complete waste of skin. Glad I picked him in the pool. He's batting .172

John Smoltz goes on the 15 day DL and indicates he'll come back as a reliever. Awesome, another blow to my shit dick fantasy team.

An all England Champions League final. Fucking right.

Other stuff is going on as well, but I have no time for any of it.

Golly Gee Fellas

Shucks guys, I sure wish I'd caught that ball. I tried and tried, but I just couldn't squeeze it. I know the kindly old man on the radio said the ump was in the way, but if only I'd hung in and ground out that inning ending double play.

And earlier in the game, I gave it all I had, but gosh darn it if my throw didn't make it anywhere close to first base. Maybe they made this diamond bigger here in Kansas City. Lol! Those waterfalls sure are swell though.

I'm really glad to have Scotty back beside me. He's as big as a house! I got so used to piggybacking his defense, I couldn't wait for him to get back. He'll protect me from the other boys' teasing as well. Always trying to rub my weird noggin for luck. AJ was picking on me the most, all month. He kept trying to kick me in the balls, saying I'd turn into 8 squirrels and run off into the forest. Last night, he wasn't teasing though. He just kept staring at me, mouthing the words sock-chucker. He must mean my bad throw in the seventh. I can't say that I blame him. It was pretty pathetic.

Everybody in Toronto really seems to like Mr. McDonald. He's okay, I guess. He spends a lot of time in a rocking chair in front of his locker, staring out at the field. The other day I saw him sharpening a knife with a strange smirk on his face. I wonder what that means? He kept saying "almost time to go to work, almost time to go to work."

I just need to keep on swinging the bat like I can, and everything will be alright in the end. What's that skip? You want to see me in your office? Sure thing, Skip!

Agree to Disagree

Gosh guys, I'm real sorry I keep getting out against the Yankees. I try and try and try, but the darn ball won't go out of the infield.

I know it looks bad now, but you better believe I'll keep going up and taking my hacks. All my career, people have told me I'm not good enough. Even now, when it is abundantly clear that they're right, I'll still give 110% every night. That may only add up to 80% of a real big leaguer, but at least I'm doing my best.

Yessireebob, I'll take my cuts, I may only hit a dribbler that barely makes the pitcher, but golly gee, I'll sure run my tukas off to firstbase. You know why? Because you just never know what might happen. Every time I ground into a double play, I think back to the words of Joe DiMaggio "There is always some kid who may be seeing me for the first or last time, I owe him my best." I too, owe those kids MY best, even though most of the kids are saying "Daddy, why is the ballboy playing shortstop" or "Dad, that player looks like the kid from my class with mittens pinned to his coat in July".

I know I'm no Joe DiMaggio, and once a kid actually cried when I showed up for an autograph session because I "wasn't a real player", but I've got a job to do. And no matter how clearly over matched I am, no matter if I'm the lesser of two offensive evils and defensively inferior to the guy behind me, I'll just keep humping it around the bases. It's my duty.

The Difference Between Us

Chalk up another defeat for grit and hustle. AJ Burnett pitched three effective innings (two infield singles among the four hits) today without throwing a curveball. This is why AJ Burnett is filthy, stinking rich and Jesse Litch will forever be a cute story. If you can leave one of the dirtiest pitches in the league in your locker and still go out and blow people away, you will forever have people climbing all over each other to pay you lavishly.

Over in Winter Haven, John Smoltz pitched a three inning simulated game. One of the batters he faced was a certain Eldrick Woods, who mustered a humpbacked liner up the middle that was classed a base hit, but struck out twice in four total at bats. Smoltz looked good against the professional golfers in the lineup but gave up two massive homeruns to the inevitable march of time. Tiger's single came off a reported 75 mile-an-hour fastball right down Broad street, clearly a favour exchanged for watching Tiger's wife feed their newborn child.