Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Grant this One Wish, Agios Vassilis

Note: In honour of Bleacher Report receiving six trillion dollars in venture capital, I think I'll write something completely batshit crazy optimistic. Unless, of course, there is a chance it actually happens.

Patience isn't always a virtue. Though I'm willing to sign off on another apparently lost season, a lot of Jays fans do not afford Alex Anthopoulos very much rope. They want results, they want to make a splash, and they want Rogers to deliver on their promise to spend cash when the need arises.

It is no secret the free agent route is a death march to nowhere. Alex Anthopoulos knows this and is very active in the trade market as a result. AA is keen to remain nimble and young, cycling through functional players with an eye on developing the next star.

So trading is preferable to signing free agents, and 2012 looks like as good a year to take a shot. As currently constructed, the Jays lineup needs a little variety, it needs an infusion of speed and craftiness. We all know the Jays need nothing short of divine intervention to reach the playoffs.

My solution: kill two birds with one stone. The Jays need to trade for Ichiro.

Ichiro has two years left on his Vernon Wells-sized contract. At the end of 2012, Ichiro becomes both a) a free agent b) a 38 year old. On the other hand, Ichiro is, well, amazing.

In a recent interview (h/t USS Mariner) he expressed some sadness over the state of Mariners, having lost 100 games in two of the last three seasons.
The whole team had high hopes for the 2010 season because we thought we made good additions to the roster (such as left-hander Cliff Lee and second baseman Figgins). And we ended up like this. From now on, maybe we shouldn't even voice our goals.
You hear that? Can't win, don't try. He's done with Seattle, done I say!

The Mariners pitching staff is Felix and pray for rain. The Jays are lousy with good pitching, especially good left handed pitching that plays so well at Safeco. That stinks like a match to me.

Of course the prize would be sky-high, but such is the cost of competing. Shoring up the shoddy outfield defense, adding a true lead-off hitter who also may or may not be a space alien.

As to the positional conundrum of (re)making questionable defender Jose Bautista the every-day third basemen, who cares! Ichiro! Playoffs!!!11! Happy Holidays!!11!

Image courtesy of CTV.ca


  1. I'd offer Seattle the whole farm and a kidney to be named later to make this happen.

  2. Honestly, he's perfect for this team. Perfect!

  3. the springy outfield turf would add about 14 feet to his vertical, super ichiro.. this post is out of character drew. did you have a stroke?

  4. Even better, the Jays just signed Cory Patterson :(

  5. Tomo Ohka is the greatest Japanese player to ever don a Jays uniform. This has to get fixed at some point or another.

  6. This post does seem like it was written post-stroke.

    But Ichiro is the kind of player that inspires those kinds of wishful delusions.

  7. Ichiro would rather punch himself in the face than play in Toronto.

    /never forget

  8. Ichiro would gladly play in Toronto as it is a tarantula porn hotbed.


    <3 <3 ICHIRO <3 <3

  10. Despite where he's typically batted, I've always though of Ich as more of a #2 hitter, given his contact skills. Figgins '09 and Ichiro would have been one of the best leadoff tandems imaginable.


Send forth the witticisms from on high