In Defense of Eric Hinske

Eric Hinske, former American League Rookie of the Year, made headlines (with a small-H) this week when he unveiled a rather large back piece of Japanese inspiration. Unsurprisingly, this reveal provoked a great deal of snark in the usually informed and slow-to-judge Internet world.

Probably my least favorite insult of all time was lobbed towards the now-heavily tattooed Hinske; the old "he's going to look stupid when he's 60/he'll regret that in a few years" line of lazy attack. To them I say the same thing Eric Hinske is saying with his choice of skin decoration: fuck you.

Eric Hinske is rich. Really fucking rich. He may not be A-Rod or Vernon Wells rich, but he's still wildly, wildly wealthy. Beyond both my comprehension and yours. Eric Hinske's earned in upwards of $17 million dollars over his baseball career, spanning better than 8 seasons. That's Fuck You money no matter how you look at it. All he had to do to get it was excel at vocation in which competition is so stiff, so dependent on one or two individual performances in the moment with no margin for error. Not to mention the ongoing war of attrition with his joints and tendons. An athlete like Hinkse has likely forsaken friends, family, commitments and a stable home life in pursuit of his dream to play professional baseball.

Now, with 8 years of service time, he has a new pursuit. The Pension.

If Eric Hinkse reaches 10 years of service time, he's set. He can retire back to Wisconsin or Chicago or somewhere else in fly-over country and do fuck-all. He can work as the defensive line coach at the high school down the street or he can sit on his porch and watch the checks roll in.

So while it's easy to point at Hinske's potentially regrettable tattoos and laugh, think about what you'll look like when you're 60. A lifetime working, making somebody else an extra 2% on their annual bottom line in hopes that you can get your bonus and buy a boat. Or a cottage. Or a motorcycle. Or a trip to Belize. Eric Hinske can do that shit tomorrow with the change in his couch.

Think his tattoo might look stupid if he puts on an extra 25 pounds? When you put on that extra weight, you're just another fat guy. He's former Major Leaguer Eric Hinske, former Rookie of the Year, two-time World Series Champ. The flat ass you accrued through 30 years of sitting in a stiff office chair and fighting your way through traffic every day? The stress of meeting arbitrary deadline X for new douchebag boss Y? Eric Hinkse will laugh in your sagging, wrinkled, browbeaten face.

Eric Hinske chose to cover his back with a warrior of some description. Maybe that's how Hinske sees himself? He needs to fight back the snakes, the young up-and-comers standing between him and his 10 year pension. Maybe he didn't think it through past "whoa, that looks badass." Either way, Eric Hinske sat in a chair for 40-odd hours and inscribed something into his skin. He paid $5000 for the honor. Just about the exact amount of time most people reading this spent at work this week. Coordinating Outlook schedules. Pouring over spreadsheets. Dealing with rude or snotty customers. Resizing images or revising color schemes to "match the client's vision." Writing game stories on a 20 minute deadline. Chances are you're not paid $5000 bucks to do it. Now who's laughing?

Image via Matt T & the AJC.

Pesky Hairs Refuse to Split

A good post at Batters Box got me thinking about the Jays continued failings in late innings, close games, or other such settings for inevitable heartbreak. The tenets of Blue Jays baseball under JP were clear, the bulk of which I agree with. Except one: the value of utility players.

The Jays seem to love guys they can plug into multiple positions with little or no notice. This does seem attractive and potentially valuable, but only to an extent. One thing you've seen here before is me pining for better use of all 25 roster spots. This is especially difficult under Cito, that doesn't mean it isn't important. The 2009 Jays weren't a great team, but at times they featured three guys (Johnny Mac, Joe Inglett, Jose Bautitsa) that could jump in and play any number of positions on the diamond. Not only does this give the team flexibility, it's a skill that comes cheaply. To make my point even more bluntly; the Jays keep these jacks of all trades around because they're cheap, not because they make winning games easier.

A popular thought making its way around the baseball world these days isn't all that new, its just expressed in modern terms. You'd rather have one 6 WAR player than two 3 WAR guys. That hold true at the ass-end of the bench, too. The Jays kept guys like Bautista, MacDonald, and Inglett (when healthy) around to perform a myriad of tasks at replacement level rather than employ one proper fourth outfielder. Sending Travis Snider in as a defensive replacement for Adam Lind is technically an upgrade, but going from "negligent" to "unfortunate" doesn't really help the team.

The Jays seem to lack specialists, guys that can come in and make the most of a late inning opportunity. There is something to be said for the team actually possessing the assets but if the manager is loath to use them&mdash inserting Overbay once the left-handed starter's gone or using Randy Ruiz in the reverse setting&mdash then there isn't much point.

Coming up with a list of names that will help fully flesh out a big league roster is easy (rosterbation - a victimless crime!) but getting them to fit into a real, live 25 man roster is not. The Jays seem to not have the same set of options that their divisional rivals have. Shit, a guy like Hinske would really help this team (power off the bench, corner outfield postions? FML).

I recognize these aren't the players that will make or break the Jays in 2010 or beyond. But meaningful contributions from bench and role players IS a key aspect of successful baseball teams. The Yankees, Red Sox, and Rays didn't make the World Series because Eric Hinske was on their team, but having a guy on their bench with specific skills and abilities helps a a lot more than a guy willing to run to any spot on the field. The Jays need production from guys (to go along with production from their marquee players, that is a given) like this if they hope to compete with teams that aren't forced to wring value out of every dollar spent.

All good things

Yes, I'm a nerd

Unfortunately, winning streaks inevitably end. Although A.J. Burnett struck out 10, he still let Eric Hinske get the better of him. Hinske led the Rays to a 5-4 win going 2-4 with a double and solo home run. These shocking and unsettling actions caused me to vomit and want to fight my television. The Jays weren't going to go undefeated in May or anything like that, but losing to the Rays with Hinske being one of the catalysts just pisses me off.

On the bright side, the Jays did manage 10 hits and the bullpen once again was solid with Brian Tallet and Shawn Camp combining for three scoreless innings in relief of Burnett. Shockingly, David Eckstein actually hit a ball OVER the head of B.J. Upton in centerfield cashing in a run. So what if Upton was basically standing just north of second base when the ball was hit? Eckstein was one of three, yes three Jays to play shortstop on this night. Unfortunately injuries to Eckstein and McDonald were the reason. McDonald needed to be carted off the turf after injuring his right leg in the sixth on a ball hit to his right while Eckstein had to leave the game with groin trouble in the fifth.

All winning streaks come to an end, and I'm sure Shaun Marcum and his 23 pitch arsenal will do all he can to start a new one.

NOTE - Chuck Swirsky announced he's leaving Toronto to become the radio play by play voice for the Chicago Bulls beginning next season. I could get all ignorant and rant about why this kicks ass in so many ways, but am quite positive you all share the same sentiment in that regard. If not, I don't give a shit as I'm tired of listening to him blather on cluelessly about almost everything as I drive home from work.

Did I just see that?

Eric Hinske, yes, Eric "I fucking suck" Hinske just hit his fifth home run of the season to put the Rays ahead 6-4. On top of that, he is only a single away from hitting for the cycle. If this son of a bitch hits for the cycle tonight I don't know what tomorrow will bring, and that kind of scares me.

Maybe I should flip to TSN to see if the Capitals can finish of the goons from Philly.

Ah, there's nothing like Disney's Wide World of Sports. You gotta have the TV trailers in the outfield to give it that real big league feel.

End of the line for Eric

At least its warm in Tampa Bay. However it is kinda of like playing for a minor league team. Eric Hinske doesn't care though. He's agreed to a minor league contract with the perennial basement dwellers of the American League East. Good for him. Maybe he'll regain the form that saw him win the Rookie of the year with the Jays back in 2002. Then again, maybe he'll continue to fucking suck every time he takes the field, which is my guess. I wouldn't bet a wooden nickel he'll hit above the glowing .204 clip he put up last year. I'll be on the lookout for him in the next couple of year to be the bench coach for the Johnson City Cardinals of the Appalachian league down in Rookie Ball. At least he got that World Series ring busting his ass for the Red Sox last season. Way to go you chump.

I can't wait to watch the Jays play the Rays in Tampa this season and hear that uber-heckling clown cut the shit out of Eric. We could see a repeat of what happened when Brett Favre decided to lose the NFC Championship this season.