Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Report: Jays in as Potential Third Team in Marlins/Red Sox Move

With stories swirling about the Red Sox attempting to reacquire stud shortstop Hanley Ramirez, the Jays have thrown their hat in the ring. No longer content to sit on the sidelines, the Jays realize that they can't afford to fall any further behind the AL East Arms Race.

Which is why the Jays have offered, pending a Ramirez-to-Boston move, to trade places in the NL East with the Marlins. The Marlins, who harbor no false pretense about attempting to compete with their existing division rivals, would get the turnstile boost of 9 annual home games with the Yankees, Red Sox and intrastate rival Rays. The Jays would go from being outclassed by the upper stratosphere payrolls of their existing division rivals to being outclassed by the lower troposphere payrolls of their new division rivals.

The Jays pitching and defense approach would be right at home in the National League, not to mention their complete lack of a viable designated hitter. The Marlins would have a valid excuse to keep Dan Uggla, Josh Willingham and other porous fielders in their lineup because they'd be playing "the American League Way."

Jays GM J.P. Ricciardi, in a rare moment of honesty, acknowledged that Ramirez coming to the AL East would pretty much "spell the end" of his clubs chances of ever competing again. "Look, I don't care if Travis Snider turns out to be Ted Williams himself. If the Sox get Hanley less than a month after the Yanks get Tex, CC & AJ, we're beyond fucked."

Repeated calls to the Marlins front office went unanswered, as they employ only two full-time staffers. One to field calls from greedy AL GMs and one guy that works all concession stands and ticket offices at Dolphin Stadium.

11 comments:

  1. Why do I have a feeling that the tag "we're fucked" is going to be used more than a few times this season?

    ReplyDelete
  2. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I sure hope the "we're fucked" post doesn't get used too often. I don't think that we are, unless the Sox DO get Hanley, at which point everybody is fucked.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I hope not either, and I don't really think they're "fucked" necessarily(although the battle will be uphill of course!)

    ReplyDelete
  5. you are a fuckin retard. and gay too, i think.

    ReplyDelete
  6. this article was brilliant

    ReplyDelete
  7. oh anon...can't you just man up a wee touch you nameless chump.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I have dreams about the Jays somehow managing to get moved out of the AL East. I'd prefer the AL Central, but the NL East would certainly do.

    We're fucked, indeed.

    And fuck anonymous commenting douchebags. All of them.

    ReplyDelete
  9. luv it! the NL east would bring back all the Expo fans into the "fold"!

    ReplyDelete

Send forth the witticisms from on high