Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Doctor, Doctor, Give Me the News

Spring training is groin-grabbingly close, and yet still so far away. And as exciting as it is to watch low-level Sportscentre reporters stand around in bad golf shirts & khakis, I'm going to need something else to tide me over. Luckily, that very thing arrives on Thursday. And the more I think about it, the more I realize just how similar they are.

Stoic leaders of men, they care not for the personal accolades or acclaim, they fight for the greater good. Quiet men, wishing they could avoid the spotlight their abilities will always garner, they lead by example. And when these men lead, the rest will follow. Oh how they follow.

The southern-fried conman, seemingly only out for his own best interests. Though he's been known to step up and be counted, he should not be trusted.

The hairfarming jacks-of-all-trades. Guile and toughness that can not be overstated. And Shawn Marcum TOTALLY tortures people with his dreaded beaded necklaces.

The plucky underdog. Though limited in size and strength, he so badly wants to sit with the grown-ups. His shortcomings are many, but you get the sense he'd lay it all on the line for the cause. Also have affiliations with groups of ambiguous sexual orientation in their pasts.

Roy and Jack, their supporting casts in tow, fight for the same thing. They won't settle for anything short of their ultimate goal, which won't come until the end of the season. So in the meantime, they'll have to settle for the affection of a girl with freckles.


  1. ...in a shocking flash forward, we find the Yankees struggling to re-gain their form of yester-year...

  2. good points. especially the reference to marcum's beaded necklaces. I always wished that more was made of Ken Huckabee's beaded necklaces when he was in town as backup catcher. the inevitable 'KEN HUCKABEAD's' authentic necklaces would have practically sold themselves at the Jays shop.

    - brandon

  3. I have a feeling Shawn Marcum loves Sublime most of the time, but "goes off" to Theory of a Nickelback


Send forth the witticisms from on high