Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Fun with Context

New Zealand is a rugged place with a proud history of tradition. Widely known for a devotion to sheep that would make a Welshman cringe; their sporting history is best encapsulated by the Maori war dance performed before every single national sporting event. The "haka" or "douche litmus test" is an age-old tradition in which the loyal Kiwis evoke the fighting spirit of the brave indigenous people they enslaved and slaughtered upon landfall.

Though Canadians prefer their racism quietly insidious, New Zealand and Canada DO have a great deal in common. Both are the red-headed step children of their geographical corner of the world, and both partake in the endearing practice of provincially celebrating the minor accomplishments of their local sons on the world stage.

Blue Jays prospect Scott Campbell is a native of New Zealand, and when he's not enjoying tasteless fruit, he's working towards becoming the first Kiwi to play Major League Baseball. His move from second base to third made the NZ newspapers, minor amounts of comedy ensued:
Toronto's director of player development, Dick Scott, indicated that Campbell had "really surprised us offensively", and the outfit had now decided to test him further with the move to the other side of the infield.
They called a baseball team an outfit! LOL!

Truthfully, the piece comes off credibly, aside from the wacky use of the letter s in the word organization. Reporter Tim Dunbar added a sense of foreboding in the conclusion of the piece, noting that New Zealand's previous baseball hope Travis Wilson, who maxed out at the AAA level, also switched positions early in his pro career. He too switched second and third bases!! Dun, dun, dunnnn.

Doomed! Scott Campbell is doomed to a Jonathon Power-esque level of sporting notoriety in his home country! Oh, the indignity of carrying the deflated hopes and dreams of athletically depressed region on your shoulders.


Longtime friend of the Ghostrunners, former double play partner of the Reverend and baseball utilityman of high acclaim Pete Orr refused a minor league assignment and is now a free agent. Damn you JP, for loading up on so many scrappy middle infielding white guys, you could have had the greatest of them all! According to Ernest Elliott of the Toronto Sun, the native of Newfuckingmarket Ontario has attracted the interest of the World Series champion Philadelphia Phillies and the world champion of overweight Spanish guys Detroit Tigers.

The most sincere wishes we can muster go out to an awesome, humble guy as he tries to land another job in big leagues. Continue to prove, in spite of what history has taught us, you can achieve greatness in life after having your shot blocked by Lloyd the Barber.


Send forth the witticisms from on high