Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Scott Rolen Eats Your Cheesesteak

Good evening Philadelphia. Scott Rolen sends his regards. He'll do it all damn night, too. He's just too damn classy to say it. He doesn't get involved in that sort of banter with the riffraff.

Better things like 2 hits and 2 walks in 6 trips, including the game-winning ribbie. Mmmmmmmm, that's damn fine. What's that? His single to win the game was a bleeder to right field? Son, the only thing bleeding around here is [REDACTED FOR DECENCY. THIS ISN'T SOUTH JERSEY, WE TRY TO KEEP IT ON THE UP AND UP AROUND HERE.]

Can you give us a second Philly? I need to talk to Toronto alone.

Pssst, Hogtown. Watch this series with the Phillies very, very carefully. Scott Rolen hasn't played for the Phillies in SEVEN years, and still they boo. Why?

Because they're sad, bitter, strange little people with odd accents and diabetes. They hate anyone and everyone despite winning the World Series last year. He's their Vince Carter. They just can't let it go.

Learn from their infinte sadness Toronto, don't let it haul you down too. We need to be better Toronto. It's a slippery slope, trust me. They love Matt Stairs too, the similarities are eerie!

So yeah my East Coast friends, congrats on winning the World Series last year. Do take the time to enjoy it. We here in Toronto enjoy the work of your former employees Scott Rolen and Rod Barajas.

I kid the good people of Philadelphia. Read the Fightins every day!



    I completely agree though -- we *are* sad, bitter, strange little people with odd accents. Just do me a favor and switch "diabetes" with "insecure".



Send forth the witticisms from on high