Monday, October 13, 2008

Celebrate the Second Round of the Jayoffs!

Thanks to extended commercial breaks, hilariously high pitch counts and high-class handbagging, the superlong playoff games give me time to think about random crap. There are a good number of former Jays in action for all the active teams (and a few golfers too). As I've been going on and on about the actual quality of this year's Blue Jays club, I'm left to wonder how many currently active ex-Blue Jays would actually have a job with the 2008 Blue Jays.

Catman is more employable than HinskeI will make a slight adjustment to say the second half, mid-winning streak Toronto Blue Jays. Here is the Jays lineup that beat Matt Garza 1-0 on September 7th:
  1. J Inglett 2B
  2. M Scutaro SS
  3. A Rios DH
  4. V Wells CF
  5. A Lind LF
  6. L Overbay 1B
  7. R Barajas C
  8. S Rolen 3B
  9. T Snider RF
Obviously Alex Rios superlative defense will keep him from DHing too often in his career, but this is more or less the 2008 Blue Jays and/or the 2009 Blue Jays everyday lineup; barring an unforeseen Adam Lind trade.

Let's start with the Dodgers. Two former Blue Jays bit-players reside on their playoff roster: Jeff Kent & Casey Blake. Jeff Kent played 62 games for the Jays 16 years ago and had some memorable seasons hitting behind Barry Bonds. In 2008, his 91 OPS+ was good enough for him to lose his job to young Blake DeWitt, though he's gotten into nearly every game. Is he an improvement over Joe Inglett? Definitely not. Inglett's OPS+ was slightly above league average, plus he provides slightly better defense (.825 RZR to Kent's .820) and a valuable left handed bat. Would Jeff Kent start for the Blue Jays? Hells no! He's old and racist and agonizingly slow, too.

Casey Blake played a grand total of 14 games as a Blue Jay. After some big seasons with the Indians he was dealt to the Dodgers, for whom he provided adequate offense & defense. Would he start over Scott Rolen in this or any universe? No chance, though Rolen could sport a Hot Water Casey beard and that would be okay.

The Phillies have a few ex-Jays due a prospective playoff share. Obviously Matt Stairs wouldn't have a job on the 2008 Jays, but Jayson Werth just might. After famously netting bullpen stopper and sunflower seed sweeper extraordinaire Jason Frasor in a trade with the Dodgers, Werth played full time this year for the first time in his career. He knocked 24 dingers, which only translated to 119 OPS+ in that little bandbox. Adam Lind's season got a little messy towards the end, though he is a 25 year old up-and-comer, not a 29 year old career platoon guy. If Werth were kicking around as the Jays made their "run" in September, he's the kind of guy that Cito would count on. Both Lind (and Snider) have youth and left handedness on their side, so sorry Jayson, you and your superfluous Y's can beat it. No work today, Irish.

Chewie is a LOOGY tooScott Eyre, like the Rays Trevor Miller, is a serviceable former Jay LOOGY with lots of big league experience. Eyre, somehow, received a MVP vote in 2005 for his Scott Downsy role with the Giants. REALLY? MVP? OF THE WHOLE LEAGUE? Jesus Christ, what the fuck is that buddy buddy writer thinking? I understand these guys are unheralded and valuable, but 60+ innings does not make you one of the most valuable players in the league. Ugh. Both these guys are pretty good but not fit to lick Scott Downs' taint. Dude's had an ERA+ over 200 for two straight years. Scott Eyre's career, MVP-type season was negligibly better than Brian Tallet's 2008 which people loudly complained about. Guess what Scott & Trevor, yous ain't got no job with uzzz.

The Rays feature a few prominent ex-Jays, none more notable than Shitske himself. OOPS, Eric didn't make the post-season roster. He's watching these games with the hired goon in a blue windshirt. They'll always need comic relief I suppose. Shitske played himself into a contract with 20 home runs for the minimum this year, and he would have been a certain upgrade over Mencherson. Eric was downright shitty for the second half of the season, just in time for Adam Lind to steal his job given the chance. You out of luck Eric, congrats on the solid first half.

Everything that applies to Hinske applies to Gabe "Buck Coats" Gross, minus the invective. Gross is an excellent outfielder who had a highly average season, but wouldn't play over Lind, Snider or Buck FUCKING Coats given the chance.

Kevin Cash is the lone ex-Jay on the stacked Sox. He's a solid defensive catcher that can't hit a lick, as JP & I noted in August. Would he play over the Jays catching hydra of mediocrity? Or Arenciba of the Future? Not likely.

Let us not for forget former Jays that are already on the course. Anally Splintered Reed Johnson, somewhat shitty Dave Bush, and another former Jay that didn't make the post season roster Justin Speier. All in all, a crappy collection of scrubs not fit to sniff the fourth-place jocks of the mighty Jays.


  1. Matt Stairs just hit a ball into space. OUTER SPACE! This list is now corrupted.

  2. Thanks for adding that picture of Chewbacca throwing out the first pitch - that one always slays me.

    I can't believe it's possible that Shitske just might get back to back World Series rings as a bench player. Asshole.


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