Thursday, October 9, 2008

Presidential Primaries

When the news that Paul Godfrey was stepping down as Blue Jays president hit, my first thought was "Who fucking cares?" As far as I'm concerned, or as far as I care to concern myself, that has zero impact on the on-field action. The actions of a glad-handing businessman mean nothing to me; most "my wife dresses me in this blue shirt and blue pants" salarymen represent everything I dislike about the world. If you remove the Business section from the newspaper and throw the rest away, I want nothing to do with you. I care more for the hot corner than the corner office; so I do my best to avoid the business side of a corporation with an interest in baseball.

Until today.

Doing my quarterly dance over the phone with the delightful young woman charged with shaking me down for my monthly Rogers bill, I came to resent having to deal with such incompetence. Forcing me to fork over my slightly-earned money for the goods and services I use; the nerve of these people. My hatred for Rogers and their knee-breaking practices got me thinking about the direction the Jays and RCI are headed. I decided that Rogers should hire the sleaziest, crookedest, shadiest money manager they could find.

Any one out of this collection of swine will do. Pump up the share price, inject millions (billions!) of false revenue into the Rogers system. Raise the Jays payroll to the stratosphere with the new-found cash, allowing them to buy a World Series title. Suddenly, a brave soul from deep inside will blow the whistle and Rogers will be ruined! It is a plan fiendish in its intricacies, but everyone wins in the end. Jays get title, fans get party, Rogers gets comeuppance.

Then, when the team is in shambles and needs a strong, clear voice to lead them out of the wilderness; who would step in? None other than the Mighty Tao. He already announced his candidacy! I'm sold. Tao in 2012!

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