Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Hometown Discount

Rather than wring my hands or my neck over the latest Wells injury news, I've decided to make a positive contribution to the Blue Jays organization. I'm no salesmen but I recognize added value when I see it. Judging by the information I gleaned from one Snarlin Jeff Blair's Twitter feed, the prospect of facing Roy Halladay is a daunting one for even the most highly paid slugger.

I don't want to tell JP how to do his job, but he must be capitalizing on this opportunity. First things first: lock Doc up long term. Like forever. Until the end of days; 'til our bodies are but dust and humanoids wander the dusty, scorched earth in search of sinkers down and away. Once you've secured Halladay's services in perpetuity, exploit the massive market inequity you've now created: NOBODY ON YOUR TEAM HAS TO FACE ROY HALLADAY. NOT EVEN ONCE.

Think about it. Look at some of the names on this list. Imagine the relief they'd feel knowing they didn't have to face Halladay for the duration of their contract. You don't think Torii Hunter lies awake at night before facing Roy? You don't think Nick Markakis would've landed a contract bigger than Alex Rios's if you removed his unsuccessful at bats against Halladay?

It works both ways of course. Can you imagine what a Roy Halladay v. Vernon Wells at bat would look like? The way Halladay carves up the strike zone combined with Wells's meth-addict patience would make for some hilarious results. 4 pitches, 4 ground outs, 4 loud profanities. But Wells is rich! Richer than an astronaut! Not being made to look a fool by Halladay benefits the fragile ego of a professional athlete also. Pro ballplayers protect their pride like jingoistic samurais, so they can carry the Halladay-free confidence boost forward when the face actual mortal pitchers. The money just prints itself at this point.

The Jays have long exploited Roy's ability to transfer flakey headcases into cartoonishly rich headcases that pull their shit together during a contract year. "Sign here Sonny and you can sit next Roy at basketball games AND in the dugout. Not every day though, you'll have to give up the opt-out in your clause to reserve that seat." He's really an untapped resource, one that provide numerous benefits to the Jays entire franchise.


  1. Halladay vs. Wells would be comedy. V-Dub wouldn't have a prayer. If he does leave us, when Roy comes back to Toronto, if the stars align as such, he will get a 2 hour and 20 minute standing ovation for me. I will be on my feet, in applause, for the entire game, even when he's in the dugout. Such is the respect Doc commands.

    And I pray to a God I don't really believe in that it never, ever comes to that point.

  2. Sign Halladay to a lifetime contract.

    $20 million/year for infinity. When he retires, he becomes head scout, pitching coach, colour commentator, the CEO of the Jays Care Foundation, and he plays a miniature drum kit outside the Rogers Centre before home games.

    Brandi Halladay becomes the GM.

    It all seems so simple when you look at it this way.

  3. http://members.tripod.com/eyeswideshutsucks/shows.html

  4. Isn't that what we did with Stieb? Signed him to an 8 year, $2M/year contract, and we had to renegotiate it before it was up because it was embarrassing to pay a guy so good so little.

  5. Uh oh, somebody's been googling....


  6. This is nonsense. Nobody will make that sort of decision based on 3 to 10 plate appearances a year.

  7. Okay, fair enough. I'm new to the blog and should have given the benefit of the doubt. Consider my sense of humour humbled.

  8. Don't sweat it, we run hot and cold with reality around here


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