Thursday, October 29, 2009
Old Habits Die Hard
The Jays baseball operations brass sit around a sterile office deep inside Fortress Rogers. Tim Hortons cups are strewn across the bland table, a large board full of player names and positions holds a prominent role on the wall.
Tony LeCava: ...and the value of those two draft picks certainly offsets the on-field production of a 34 year old, based on these age-regression numbers. I say we let him walk.
Alex Anthopolous: Fuckin' eh? I don't know if I'm ready to walk away quite yet, the short stop market is a real gong show. Anybody got anything else, let's take our attention elsewheres, eh?
TLC: Hmmmm, I dunno. Not much going on before the series ends, you know?
AA: Shit guy, we must feed the Beest. Let's show him we haven't just been trading offices and parking spots. You got anything for me? Gimmie something and I'll buy you Burrito Boys.
TLC: Uhhh, shit. Uh, the Orioles left this lefty reliever unprotected. Sean Henn is his name.
AA: [shifts uncomfortably in his seat] I dunno, seems like simple roster filler.
TLC: That is precisely what he is. Wholly unremarkable. Pretty much passed over.
AA: [twitches] We....should....move....onnnn....
TLC: Are you okay? All the color is draining from your face.
AA: [sweating profusely] That's colour, jackass. Didn't you get the memo? Anyway........I think we should pass and establish our own itden-
[Alex Anthopolous appears to black out momentarily, his eyes glaze over and roll back in his head]
AA: [Bursts from his chair, vomits, and unleashes a blood-curdling scream] AAAAAIIIIIEEEE, just sign him! Bring him in!!! No Beeston jail can hold me! I NEED MORE LEFT HANDED RELIEVERS!!!!!
[Anthopolous passes out in his chair]
TLC: Fine whatever. I'm going to turf Barrett, you know? Oh like it matters. [Sighs deeply] Why won't Cashman return my calls? Wake up, I want a damn burrito.