Tuesday, October 27, 2009

We're Saved

Paul Beeston has been named the full-time President and CEO of the Toronto Blue Jays. Praise be unto the Beest.

Interesting tidbits about Paul Beeston: he spent the last year looking for a successor, which is why the Jays did nothing but shed salary under his stewardship. He righted the ticketing ship while interviewing candidates from all over North America and anointing the sores on the feet of Toronto's street urchins.

Beeston is most famous of lording over the Toronto Blue Jays during the glory years, deftly moving massive contracts around, hiring 3 month mercenaries and getting out while the getting was good.

Also interesting: any good we see on the field or in the offices over the next 2 years will be do to Beeston's benevolent hand. All bad decisions or negativity are due exclusively to JP's poisonous influence.

New GM Alex Anthopolous and Beeston look forward to many long nights at the office (IN TORONTO MOST IMPORTANTLY), expressing fondness for David Suzuki, laughing at Red Green, eating ketchup chips, and drinking Moosehead while popping Tylenol 222s for fun. Later they'll make some baseball decisions, but not before a rousing game of Sorry!

23 comments:

  1. I don't see the correlation between Beeston searching for a successor and shedding salary?

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  2. There was hardly a sea change of brilliance that accompanied his triumphant return to the front office.

    Yawn. Give me something new.

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  3. The big Senior Advisor to Anthopoulos? Obvious, right?

    The Littlest Hobo.

    Because Canadian matters.

    (Oh shit...I didn't just give the Jays marketing monkeys their slogan for next year, did I?)

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  4. Oh yeah, I almost forgot:

    BUMBLEFUCK!

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  5. I worry this means Cito is safe....otherwise, meh - ok.

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  6. It's not that I disagree, but I don't know why you have to pull a roundabout diss on ketchup chips, Moosehead beer, and Tylenol 222's.

    David Suzuki and Red Green can take off, though.

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  7. I love it when Canadians (massively insecure Canadians) take shots at all things Canada. Yep, makes lots of sense. If you really hate yourself that much, maybe focus on that instead. Thanks.

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  9. I didn't diss those things, they're merely examples of blatant Canadiana.

    Just like a massive, swollen inferiority complex. As Canadian as health care, interrupting people's sentences, and quiet condescending value judgments.

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  10. I'm perfectly fine with The Littlest Hobo being senior advisor to Beeston. That was one smart dog after all - the last episode I saw, he thwarted some chumps running a puppy mill.

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  11. Actually, Hobo could be the Manager. Can you imagine him on the bench, suddenly running out onto the field?

    "Where you going, boy?"

    "Hey, it looks like he's running out to the bullpen?"

    "He's going to get Brandon League! Good boy!"

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  12. If that doesn't happen in real life Tao, at least it has the makings of a plot line for a heartwarming family Disney flick.

    "The dog who was abandoned by his owners leads a baseball team in search of a leader."

    I'm tearing up just thinking about it ...

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  13. Tao, next year when Cito is still non-managing this team, can you recreate the game as managed by The Littlest Hobo? Pretty please?

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  14. ^^ that's just the self-loathing talking.

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  15. Couldn't you pick a more Canadian game than Sorry? How about Crokinole, or Rummoli?

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  16. Rummoli! It's the best game to play with your Northern Ontario in-laws as you are drinking yourself into oblivion.

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  17. @Drew-not sure if your response was directed at my comment or just a general
    comment on typical Canadian behaviour. It's makes little sense to me how we poke fun and put down our so often. Like we can't possibly be as good as someone else from somewhere else. An inferiority complex, if you will. My comment wasn't specifically directed at you but at the attitude of the thread.

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  18. Sorry Mattt, I may have directed my comments towards you but it wasn't malicious. I like to tease but I'm as Canadian as it gets, right down to the ironic detachment.

    My grandmother had an awesome Crokinole game (board?) at her place. I remember sore fingers and that's about it.

    Drew

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  19. No harm done. Passion is never a bad thing. I'm pretty sure we all just want our team to be playing this time next year and are kinda frustrated at how things are going.

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  20. Frig, I wanna go play some Crokinole now.

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  21. Inchoate moron Damien Cox levels forth from his 'Da Spin' pulpit today that there may be a bit of a double standard when it comes to a appraising a president that searches for a new president only to hire themselves. I'm not exactly sure why Cox doesn't see that the Beest may be allowed a little levity because, oh I don't know, he had some success?!? His other point of comparison was Ken Dryden. Who won squat.

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