Saturday, February 9, 2008

Not Ready for Primetime

A few days ago I was frantically alt-tabbing away from doing research on uhh, science, when I stumbled across something that astounded me. In my haste to unsee what will remain forever etched in my mind (terrible, terrible and offensive science), I somehow accidentally learned of a past transaction of which I had no recollection. In the summer of 2001, the Toronto Blue Jays signed free agent outfielder Deion fucking Sanders to a minor-league contract. He played 25 games for Syracuse before being released one month later to the day.

Long known for suits that could bring a pimp to tears and being one of the best cover corners in NFL history, Deion was also a baseball hobbyist. Not baseball hobbyist in the "I play Strat-o-matic because I'm fat/I go to fantasy camp because I'm rich" sense; but in the "I steal 26 bases and record 14 triples in 97 games because the off season is boring" sense. Many Jays fans will also remember Deion being everywhere in the 1992 World Series, when he hit .533, stole 5 bases and (with an assist to Bob Davidson) deprived Devon White his rightful immortality.

Even though it was a few years too late and a clear sign that Gord Ash was good for nothing, the thought of Deion Sanders as a Blue Jay is an intriguing one. It would have been interesting to see what he could have accomplished had he actually pursued a proper baseball career. He was a phenomenally gifted athlete and among the first (for better or for worse) to establish himself as a brand. This entire turn of events likely registered on my radar in 2001 and I'd simply forgotten, but it made my head spin none the less. That kind of thing happens as one approaches the tender age of 8000.

Friday, February 8, 2008

I better get my seat

I don't care who I'm sitting next to come opening day this season, but it seems to me the likelihood of it being some prick Red Sox fan has gone up somewhat.

This farming out of tickets has spawned quite a bit of questioning and anger from some of the more loyal Jay supporters. For good reason too. You can't offer tickets to opposing teams fans before offering them to the local fans who put far more money into ownerships pockets than they do as well as support them on a daily basis. That's fucking retarded. If it's indeed true the Jays were offering up tickets to Red Sox and Tigers fans prior to Jays fans, then that is simply poor.

Just to be clear, April 4th is FUCKING OPENING DAY. Opening day doesn't need to be promoted to opposing fans for fuck sake. Why the shit would Jay management want opposing fans in the stands for a game that will potentially sell out anyway? It did last year. If I hear louder cheering for the Red Sox than the Jays come opening day I'm going to start a riot right there at the game. Some Red Sox fan will get my fist in his mouth. I'm not going to go on, as plenty has been said regarding this debacle.

Consider the ball offically the fuck dropped on this one.

Thursday, February 7, 2008

End of the line for Eric


At least its warm in Tampa Bay. However it is kinda of like playing for a minor league team. Eric Hinske doesn't care though. He's agreed to a minor league contract with the perennial basement dwellers of the American League East. Good for him. Maybe he'll regain the form that saw him win the Rookie of the year with the Jays back in 2002. Then again, maybe he'll continue to fucking suck every time he takes the field, which is my guess. I wouldn't bet a wooden nickel he'll hit above the glowing .204 clip he put up last year. I'll be on the lookout for him in the next couple of year to be the bench coach for the Johnson City Cardinals of the Appalachian league down in Rookie Ball. At least he got that World Series ring busting his ass for the Red Sox last season. Way to go you chump.

I can't wait to watch the Jays play the Rays in Tampa this season and hear that uber-heckling clown cut the shit out of Eric. We could see a repeat of what happened when Brett Favre decided to lose the NFC Championship this season.

Walk Among Us


You fucking people. You come to MY party, your one and only opportunity to mingle with greatness and still you have the audacity to question me, question my manager? If I've selected him to manage this ball club, so he goes not but by the grace of god. His decisions are my decisions. Quickly, let's begin the exhumation of Casey Stengel because a guy who comes to 80% of the games dressed as a blue chair thinks John Gibbons isn't the right man for the job.

Season ticket holders think they can puff up their chests and get in my face? Look buddy, I don't come down to where you work and knock the dick out of your mouth, so back the fuck off. You think a lifetime of servitude at Dewey, Cheatem & Howe LLP somehow makes you a eye-black stained baseballman with a radar gun affected sperm count? Why don't you go start a blog like the rest of those wastes of skin? The world needs your unique and insightful opinion like I need your wife's constant calls and text messages alternately asking why it burns when she pees and if I can take her away from her blow-hard husband and his sad, depressing life.

You need my lies because you cannot comprehend the magnificence, the grandeur of my divine plan. The complexity and the intangibles, the mitigating factors and the gut instincts. It's all miles over your narrow little head Princess.

My job takes finesse. It's hard to speak out of both sides of my mouth while snapping my gum like a vapid cheerleader. I must bring you in with the left hand and beat you down like a ginger stepchild with the right. You'll thank me in the end, once your tiny brain grasps what I've been leading you to this whole time. All of this is for your own good.

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

It's getting so very old


A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, athletes didn't take "performance enhancing" drugs. Nope, they relied on pure skill, heart and desire every time they put on the uniform. None of them would have ever considered taking such substances had they existed and been readily available at the time.

It seems to me that it isn't even the records and numbers that are at the forefront here, rather the individual's character. Forget that Barry Bonds would have and still should have a Hall of Fame career. He's a "bad person" for "taking steroids" and lying about it. Forget the fact Roger Clemens was one of the most dominant pitchers of his time. He's a "bad person" for "taking steroids" and lying about it. Roger Clemens isn't a bad person because he took steroids. He's a bad person because he's a pompous dick. This isn't baseball specific, though we'll stick to it for the purpose of this rant. I still fail to fully understand the whole point of this entire congressional endeavour. Are they trying to prove that MLB players were doing something illegal? Because if that is it, every major sport should be under the exact same scrutiny. Which they aren't. Is it because they are trying to point out that MLB didn't have a good enough drug enforcement policy? Why do they care? Why waste all this time and money to "prove" something that was already so very evident? This is a issue well beyond the realm of Major League Baseball and it's getting old and tired.

So Clemens may evidently be "lying" about his past use of steroids, or HGH or whatever the fuck else he may have taken. Who gives a shit? Let's say they do prove he used them. What then? They take away his records and refuse to acknowledge his numbers? Big fucking deal. I'm sure he'll really give a flying fuck as he lounges in his pool at the mansion(s) that baseball built. But at least the public will have the satisfaction of KNOWING he did them. The fact is, we'll never know just how many players were using, we'll only know there were a lot. But you know what, no one cared. People were being entertained, and that is what people want whether you want to believe it or not. In 1998 everyone knew McGwire and Sosa were more than likely on something, but they didn't care, because that shit was entertaining.

I'll tell you this much: I'd sooner cast a Hall of Fame vote for someone who has allegedly taken steroids than a racist bigot or a player who was hopped up on coke all the time (the 1970's and 80's). Better still, how about I cast my vote for players worthy based on their statistical performance within the rules of the game?

Owner's knew players were doing it. So they are liars.
Managers knew players were doing it. So they are liars.
Other players knew about it. What a bunch of liars.
Major League baseball was also aware...liars.
So they're all liars, the whole lot of them. And I still don't care, and neither does anyone else.

I've heard a lot of blame being placed on these professional athletes when it comes to the use of steroids at the amateur level. "They're supposed to be role models." "They're supposed to set a good example for kids." "Kids see the pro's using steroids, and think it's O.K. for them to do it." Bullshit. I've never seen a professional athlete take steroids. I've only been told by some media quack that there is "evidence" player X may be using performance enhancing drugs or has admitted using them. You know how many high school kids are taking steroids? One Gazillion. You know where the pressure comes from leading them to use? Their coaches and their fucking parents. Some of the kids probably get the shit from their own family doctor for christ's sake. This is a much larger issue then Roger fucking Clemens.

Here is a small sample of some of the substances banned by Major League Baseball - Cocaine, LSD, Marijuana, Opiates, MDMA (ecstasy), GHB, PCP, Ephedra, and oh, about 40+ different types of Steroids. Marijuana?? Christ, half the league has and probably still smokes weed. Come the fuck on...

Did they take Darryl Strawberry's MVP awards away because he was a junkie? What about Dwight Gooden? Mickey Mantle probably never played a game sober. Anecdotal evidence suggests every single player was probably using amphetamines during the 60's and 70's. You're probably high right now while reading this.

I'll say this much. If I'd have been playing and taking steroids would have probably gotten me an extra 2-8 million dollars a season, I'd have more than likely done it. You would have too, don't lie. It wasn't against the rules. Would that make me a bad person? Depends on who you ask. Would I be putting my health at risk? Most likely, but it'd be my choice. Would I be richer than you are? Absolutely. Would you harbour feelings of jealousy because of it? Well that shit just answers itself.

Jose Canseco wrote in his book that at one point 85% of MLB players were steroids. (Granted, he's an idiot, so that could be high)
David Wells said during an interview it was as high as 40%.
Ken Caminiti admitted winning the 1996 NL MVP award while on steroids.

They're never going to determine all of them. Why try? It's a waste of their time, my time, your time and isn't going to accomplish dick in the end. Major League Baseball screwed up. That's it. They turned a blind eye and wouldn't admit there was a problem. Going after the players now is pointless, they never broke the rules to begin with.

George Mitchell is a tool.

Feats of Strength

Last season baseball fans were lucky enough to witness a huge number of major individual milestones achieved by a variety of players. 756, 3000, Thome, Glavine. Some of the biggest names reached some of the biggest numbers. Even our own Big Hurt celebrated his 500th laborious trudge around the bases. The prospects for this year...not so much with the glamour. Unless you are excited to celebrate Scott Spiezio's 1000th career hit or Greg Zaun's 200th career double (Double up on your ham and eggs to commemorate this two-bagging milestone! No time for dental floss! More celebreakfast for all!) you'll have to dig a little deeper to find interesting Blue Jay career milestones.

Congratulations will be in order for AJ Burnett as he inevitably passes Mike Hampton for 13th place all-time on the most DL trips list.

Russ Adams is looking to pass Huck Flener for most miles racked up on I95 between Niagara Falls and Syracuse in a "career".

Vernon Wells has the opportunity for two milestones in 2008. His career expletives shouted having just missed a hanger should surpass 1000 this summer and Joe Carter's club record for most times feebly waving at third strike sliders in the dirt should fall.

David Eckstein must be proud to be closing in on Craig Counsell's career marks for smallest hat size and most jerseys stolen from the children's section.

Aaron Hill hopes to build on his strong finish to last season. Seriously, he had TWENTY hits in his last ten games. No joke, he's great.

Many bloggers and columnists are bullish on the starting rotation this year, believing it to be poised for greatness on numerous fronts. Shaun Marcum is clearly threatening Esteban Loiza's consecutive days without a shower record while potential 5th starter Gustavo Chacin is approaching Julian Tavarez's career mark for most Goonies DVD's signed. Staff stalwart Roy Halladay is bearing down on a long established record: Bob Gibson's 3268 iterations of the cut/evil/stink-eye.

Longtime Blue Jay baiter and paragon of virtue Alex Rodriquez, while not a Jay, is also on the cusp of noteworthy accomplishment. If he maintains his current pace he could murder his 500th puppy, shove his 250th old lady in the street, and burn down his fortieth orphanage all in 2008. Time to earn that big extension Alex!

Thanks to The Competitive for the image.

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Arbitration is for Suckers

No arbitration hearing for Zhar Ricciardi this year, though even had there been I'm quite sure he would have blown up the room with his thoughts, thus avoiding the hearing(s) all together.

The Jays and All-Star outfielder Alex Rios agreed to terms today on a one year contract that will see him paid US$4.835 million. Rios was the only Jay left in arbitration. I must and am obliged to remind you all that no Jay has gone to salary arbitration since J.P. sauntered into town following the 2001 season. Rios was after $5.65 million in arbitration while the Jays countered with $4.385 million. He earned $2.535 million in 2007.

Broken down he gets a $3.5 million signing bonus and a salary of $1.335 million. Oh yeah, and he gets $15,000 in fun money if (and when) he makes the AL All-Star team. Alex hit .297 last season with 24 HR, 85 RBI's, 17 SB's and 43 2B's.

FACTS YOU NEED TO KNOW

- Rios was born in Coffee, Alabama. Yes, Coffee.
- Rios walking to the plate theme music is "Los Bandoleros" by Don Imar and Tego Calderon.
- Rios has "unlimited potential" and is a "five tool" player
- Chicks are fans
- He is bilingual
- Yes, he has been pied in the face by Vernon Wells during a post game interview

Monday, February 4, 2008

Saturday, February 2, 2008

Leaving a Legacy

On the heels of my love letter to Rocco Baldelli, the universe aligned to prove my love boundless and the stuff of LEGEND. First off, we must refer to the note I added at the end of the Rocco post:
    Mr. Baldelli was healthy enough in 2006 to play the Jays in Toronto on my birthday. Rocco + Aaron Hill's walkoff homer + numerous tallboys = a great birthday for me.
That particular game featured the entire Ghostrunner team out to celebrate my birthday in the only way I saw fit: sitting directly behind Rocco Baldelli in the centerfield bleachers so that I might profess my love loudly and proudly.

Everything was going well, though Rocco refused to acknowledge my praise. There were detractors in nearby sections who sought to disparage Rocco, insulting him and his basketball-playing tendencies. In addition to praising Rocco's defense (he made a stunning diving catch to rob Greg Zaun of a double) we were loudly inviting him to join us for drinks at Sneaky Dee's after the game. I told him tales of tattooed waitresses and assured him that he'd be "all about it." Despite entertaining my section and shouting myself hoarse; Rocco didn't acknowledge us nor did he watch as I later drank myself into early senescence.

Fast forward to last night. Mrs. Moseby (Mrs Moseby, Architect) and I sat on the northbound Bathurst streetcar when a group of college-aged kids piled on looking a little lost. They immediately sat in the first few rows, with two guys sitting in the single seats on the left and the girls sat in the pairs. They began talking amongst themselves and I went back to ignoring the wife. As we approached College, one of the guys exclaimed "OHMIGOD SNEAKY DEE'S" and began discussing how "he didn't think it was real" and wondered if it was perhaps a franchise. These kids were clearly from out of town, but their enthusiasm for my local quickly got my attention. When one of the guys said he wanted to leap from the train and go inside "just to check it out", I was hooked. Every time I'm even remotely near that faithful corner I feel tempted to exit whatever vehicle I'm in, dash inside, and order enough quality food and drink to kill a horse.

What I heard next floored me. The two guys began to tell the girls about the time they went to a Jay game and "these guys" were heckling the "other teams" centerfielder. "He wasn't really heckling him, they were yelling YO ROCCO! COME TO SNEAKY DEES" one kid explained. I almost had a heart attack. These kids knew Sneaky Dee's as only a punchline, a running joke born at a baseball game a year and a half ago. A game that happened to have a bunch of loudmouths in their section shouting at a player they had probably never heard of, begging him to come to bar to which they'd never been. And here I was, on the streetcar with them as they passed by this place for the first time in their lives.

This, my friends, is fate. Or destiny. Or coincidence. Anyway you look at it, the universe wants me to carry the torch for Rocco, to shout his name from the rooftops. The universe needs me to. Rocco and I have touched many lives, and I will continue to do the lord's work.

Friday, February 1, 2008

The Fifth

Come spring training there should be quite a bit of interest around the pitching mounds down in Dunedin. Soon enough we shall see just who is most worthy of the fifth spot in the Jays starting rotation. I personally believe it's one of the more important issues going into Spring Training. Well, that and how many chicks Dustin McGowan is going to nail. Over/under is somewhere around 35 1/2.

As of now it would appear that Casey Janssen, Jesse Litsch and Gustavo Chacin are the frontrunners but each comes complete with their own questions. Most would agree that Litsch was decent as a rookie in 2007, which doesn't necessarily mean that form will carry forward into 2008 and beyond. Janssen was a staple in the bullpen last year, and the Jays brass still aren't sure if the starting rotation is where he should be. No one knows what to expect from Chacin, as he missed the majority of last season only throwing 27 1/3 innings.

Toronto actually used 11 starters over the course of last season, eventually going with Halladay, Burnett, McGowan, Marcum and Litsch. They combined for a 56-38 record along with a 3.85 ERA during that span. Not to bad for the grown up American League.

John Gibbons indicated he was impressed with Litsch last season and that he believes Jesse has earned a right to claim that spot. Janssen was exceptionally badass coming out of the pen last season posting a 2.35 ERA, 24 holds in 70 appearances. It would seem his future somewhat depends on the progression of closer B.J. Ryan. Chacin has pitched well at the major league level in the past, but for all we know, his arm could fly right off in the middle of a game. Or he could lose those specs he rocks and be unable to pitch at all.

Honestly, I'm inclined to see Janssen stay in the bullpen as he seemed to thrive in that spot last season, and the Jays have been crippled by horrible bullpen's in years past. It was nice last season to have a reliable bullpen that could be counted on more often than not. That leaves Litsch and Chacin. Chacin is probably the bigger uncertainty coming off the surgery and Litsch proved capable in his 20 starts last season (7-9 3.81). I'd start the season with him barring something strange or exceptional happening in the spring. One thing I do know is that regardless of who ends up in that 5th spot, the Jays have one of the best rotations in all of baseball.

Maybe one day Ricky Romero will pitch the way that made him a star at CS Fullerton rather than sucking down in New Hampshire.