Thursday, May 7, 2009

High on the Hog

Things are so good in Blue Jay Land right now, we can afford to noodle around on the internet without a care in the world. During such a noodle session this afternoon, I came across an article on Slate that was shockingly interesting.

The premise is this: explain baseball in 150 words or less. The author needs to help his 6 year old son understand and appreciate baseball, so he opened it up to the contrarian public that reads Slate. The results varied from the wistful ("apple pie and the smell of the grass brother!") to the thoughtful ("it's like tag") to the negative ("it's boring.") One I liked in particular:
All of the little league coaches who told kids to go up there hacking and made them ashamed to strike out have fostered generations of people who can't comprehend the value of driving the ball. The worst myth ever put upon us was the idea that baseball is about putting the ball in play. It's about putting hard-hit balls in play. Extra-base hits win games.
Right on the money, friend. Anyway, how would YOU describe baseball in 150 words or less? Of course you would, that's easy. Let's make it interesting, can you describe baseball in 15 words or less?

Here's my first attempt:
Hit ball, run until you can't. Touch plate. Wear glove, run after ball. Throw. Spit.
How about a second try:
Solo glory plus team achievement equals douchemagnet. Learn to be left handed or fuck off.

As for the Blue Jays

What, there's still debate? Don't they just show up and win? That's just what happens now, isn't it? I like what I saw from Travis Snider last night, hopefully he can smash some Jered Weaver gawkballs around the yard for good measure. Thanks to everyone that came out to the glog last night, shit was real. Melongate!


  1. Just swing hard, run straight and turn left every 90 feet. Feel safe at home.

  2. I'd like to impart the wisdom that all my little league coaches gave me.


  3. For professional baseball:

    Work the count, look for fastballs away. Hit the cutoff man or you're fired.

  4. I'm surprised "Chicks dig digs" didn't find there way into any of these attempts.

  5. See ball. Hit ball hard. Throw ball. Catch ball. Run fast. Don't cry. Don't suck.

  6. I can't think of anything better than "Keep your eye on the ball".

  7. The chances of making an out on a ball in play is about 70%. The chances of making an out on three strikes is almost 100%.

  8. The chances of making an out on a line drive is about 30%. The chances of making an out on a walk is about 0%. The chances of making an out on a home run is about 0%.


Send forth the witticisms from on high