Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Jays Fans Express Relief Over Recent Losing Streak


Long-suffering Jays fans everywhere quietly rejoiced over the team's recent 7 game losing skid, ashamedly admitting their relief over the ability to "enjoy the summer" by escaping four months of "apprehensive fingernail chewing"

While the hot start to the season increased interest in the team, unfortunate drawbacks such as the "infusion of douchiness" around the Rogers Centre and "inability to steal a decent seat" caused dismay among loyal fans. Freeing an entire fanbase saddled with 15 years worth of disappointment that long grew "comfortable with their also-ran status" is no small victory in a town full of increasing bitter and nervous individuals.

All Jays fans paid lipservice to the first place standing at the end of May will quietly wishing for a reality check to complain about. The chorus of boos sure to rain down on Vernon Wells, Alex Rios, or anyone else unfortunate enough to not be white give less than 100% in a losing effort will be a welcome return from the chorus of boos that accompanies panic and self-doubt borne of a first place team.

Local radio analyst Mike Wilner noted recent calls place to his post-game show hadn't changed much in tenor, the tone merely resembled grasping at straws rather than the caller grasping at his own inadequacies.

The Jays oddly stacked schedule combined with streaking divisional opponents should allow the Jays to slip out of the race long enough for their now-inevitable 85 win season reach satisfying "moral victory" levels. Smartassed bloggers and other degenerates rejoice over entire winter's worth of bloviating to come!

9 comments:

  1. You say all this like it's a bad thing...

    ReplyDelete
  2. I don't even know if I mean it to be a bad thing. I'm probably just mad at myself for not writing anything worthwhile in...ever.

    ReplyDelete
  3. It certainly gives us something to talk about, doesn't it? I guess we haven't seen the "Fire JP" tag used in a while ...

    ReplyDelete
  4. but I really enjoy the 'apprehensive fingernail chewing' no, really...

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hey, can you find a way I can blame this all on A-Rod? Thanks.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Alex Rodriquez's OPS is over 1.00 yet his average is around .250. THIS IS DEFIANT OF GOD'S WILL!! THE UNIVERSE IS OUT OF ALIGNMENT.

    How's that?

    ReplyDelete
  7. That'll do.

    FUCKING CHEATER RODRIGUEZ! THAT"S AGAINST THE RULES! YOU CAN'T OPS THAT HIGH WHEN YOU'RE HITTING THAT LOW FOR AVERAGE. D-BAG!

    ReplyDelete

Send forth the witticisms from on high