9 runs. You are reading this right

Hooray for Vernon Wells. Yes, Vernon Wells. He was two for three at the dish today with a pair of 2-RBI singles. Scott Rolen along with Aaron Hill also had two hits apiece to go along with a fairly solid 4 inning performance from Jesse Litsch. Litsch gave up a mere two hits and one earned run to go along with 6 strikeouts. Sure he gave up a mammoth home run to Ryan Howard but who hasn't done that in the past few seasons? Litsch, who is hoping to be the #5 man in the Jays rotation, strengthened his case with his performance today. Something tells me that this spot in the rotation has already been decided, we just haven't been informed yet.

The Jays will face the Astros tomorrow with the Doc taking the hill vs. Roy Oswalt.

In other less than important news, the Rangers inked right hander Sidney Ponson to a minor league deal and added him to their Spring training roster. Wow. Yes, this is the same Ponson who won 17 games in 2003, who was arrested for assault in Aruba in 2004 and followed that up with two DUI charges in 2005. Evidently he's since been through a "rehabilitation" program and feels better: "My mind is clear, my arm is good and I'm ready to rock and roll again." Ponson who took 2006 off was 2-5 with a 6.93 ERA in seven starts for the Twins last year. Sidney Ponson sucks. Clear mind or not, good arm, bad arm...who gives a shit. He's going to give up a thousand runs in spring training. Get cut, go on a bender and get arrested for not being able to get a fucking batter out.

Fuck Sidney Ponson, he's might as well go home now.

The Difference Between Us

Chalk up another defeat for grit and hustle. AJ Burnett pitched three effective innings (two infield singles among the four hits) today without throwing a curveball. This is why AJ Burnett is filthy, stinking rich and Jesse Litch will forever be a cute story. If you can leave one of the dirtiest pitches in the league in your locker and still go out and blow people away, you will forever have people climbing all over each other to pay you lavishly.

Over in Winter Haven, John Smoltz pitched a three inning simulated game. One of the batters he faced was a certain Eldrick Woods, who mustered a humpbacked liner up the middle that was classed a base hit, but struck out twice in four total at bats. Smoltz looked good against the professional golfers in the lineup but gave up two massive homeruns to the inevitable march of time. Tiger's single came off a reported 75 mile-an-hour fastball right down Broad street, clearly a favour exchanged for watching Tiger's wife feed their newborn child.

The other side of 161st

Yes, I hate the New York Yankees more than most things in this world. Sure, it's true that I wouldn't mind if an outbreak of the plague crippled the team; dashing any hopes of a playoff birth in 2008. All of that being said, I do find it a shame that Yankee stadium is set to begin its final season as home to the New York Yankees. The (more or less) same ballpark the team has been playing in since it was built back in 1923. I understand why the Yankees want to move into a new stadium, it's just too bad baseball will be losing one of it's few remaining truly lengendary parks. I guess I'm somewhat of a traditionalist in this regard, but I know I'm not alone in that feeling either.

I love watching, but more importantly attending baseball games. The stadium in which you watch a live baseball game can add so much to the experience. Although I haven't been lucky enough to see a game live at Yankee stadium, I know many who have who've had nothing but amazing things to say about it. I've also seen enough games on TV to understand why it's such a special place to watch a game. I'm trying to figure out a way to get to a game this season, so that I could be lucky enough to say I saw the Yankees get their asses handed to them.

Plans to auction off some of the contents of the stadium have already been put in place by the team as well as the city (the city purchased the stadium from the team in 1972). No details have been finalized on when the wrecking ball will spell the end for the famed stadium, which stands next to the Harlem river in the Bronx. And don't expect to be able to haul off any really great memorabilia, as I'm quite sure the Hall of Fame will have first crack at the really great stuff. Though not finalized it is expected that the stadium will be re-built into a complex of three fields. One for softball, one for Little league and one that will host high school and college games. At least the city is replacing it with more baseball fields rather than condos or some commercial monstrosity. Good on them.

The Yankees begin their final season in the "House that Ruth built" on March 31st against the Jays and are also hosting the 2008 All-star game. At least the famous park is going out on a high note. Let's hope the team utterly tanks though.

Ghostrunning with the Devil - Season Preview - NL West

A simple equation for season preview success:

Uninformed pontificator + hackneyed gimmick - accountability = I'M A GENIUS!

Our gimmick of choice will find us pairing each team with a band/artist from the same area code. The connections will be tenuous at best and derived from my completely arbitrary criteria. Teams are arranged by predicted order of finish, based on nothing approximating math, science or logic.

Sweet merciful crap, this week's installment is the last for the National League - the NL West

	Los Angeles Dodgers - Black fucking Flag
	Black Flag is pretty fucking amazing. They wrote a lot of great songs and generally didn't give a fuck. The Dodgers have a pretty good mix of young and old, with some veterans that still have something to prove. Apparently they have a new manager? Torre will play the Rollins to Grady Little's Keith Morris. Therefore, Grady Little will be found penniless and living on the streets of Hollywood within the next few years. Sounds about right. Bonus - listening to Black Flag gives me the rage/strength I need to rid the earth of the four vacuous slags seen on the left.
	Arizona Diamondbacks - Jimmy Eat World
	A team full of kids, they have a solid rotation but many question marks remain. They could all come together or it go completely to shit just like the playoffs last year. They'll keep most games close, but they're a little too vanilla to get over the hump. Jimmy Eat World write solid pop songs, but I doubt they are anyone on Earth's favorite band.
	Colorado Rockies - Any Christian Singer/Songwriter
	Last year the Rockies parlayed their undying faith into an insane, rollercoaster run to the World Series. God then repaid their devotion by issuing them a stern beating at the hands of the Red Sox. This year's chances can be summed up in three words: JOSH GODDAMN TOWERS. Christian artists sell a zillion records no matter how shitty their music is, thanks to zealots buying anything that displays its "faith" in the most conspicuous way possible. Kind of like being a powerhitter in Colorado.
	San Diego Padres - The Locust
	Despite their best efforts, the Locust are boring and inoffensive. The Padres may crack 20 home runs as a team this year. I have a big old sloppy softspot for this team, as my grandfather came north with a boatload of Padres merchandise from their first World Series birth and thrust it into my six year old arms. Last year's hosejob aside (they're the Padres and still weren't the most pious team on the field in that playoff. Blasted vengeful god) they shouldn't make the playoffs because they just aren't a great team.
	San Fransisco Giants - The Grateful Dead
	Fucking Hippies. Don't even get me started. Alex Rios should send Brian Sabean a muffin basket for not pulling the trigger on that deal. The Giants have a couple (?) good arms and a nice ballpark. But aside from that....who wants some bacon?????

You could maybe build 2 good teams if you combined these five. Every NL West team has made the playoffs at least once in the last five years, but I'd rather watch from home than have my team actively employ Rich Aurilia, Tony Clark, or anyone named Sweeney.

Plumbing the Depths

Going to great lengths to find all the invaluable coins morsels of information the internets have to offer

• "Indecent depravity" is a long standing tradition in the great game of baseball
  
• The game's young stars don't like getting hosed by the service time rules
  
• The Rockies don't give a shit about service time and are willing to heave a bag of jewels at you if you perform well for half a season
  
• Red Sox scout caught doing what Murph and Sully do when they have Green Monster seats and Manny bends over
  
• I'm a pretty great softball player

I would be remiss if I didn't post this, the greatest comic ever written (via PBF)

Who wears the pants?

Anyone who has been following/blogging/obsessing over the Toronto Blue Jays baseball club over the past few years knows of and understands the unique dynamic that exists between the general manager and the field manager. One is the downhome, aw shucks, good ole boy that the players all love. The other is, of course, the prince of lies. Satan himself even.

It is the classic good cop/bad cop scenario, which usually plays out in the local media thusly:

Gibby: Player X is my guy in role Y.
JP: Player X is "in the mix" <-- JP's favorite phrase aside from "don't bite it"
Gibby: It is Player A's job to lose
JP: We have a few guys in mind for a variety of roles.
Gibby: Golly gee fellas, I think we're in a good position this season
JP: If you ask me that question again I'll use your head as a bucket and paint my house with your brains.

This very exchange played out today with the local scribes, as Wilner details.

I imagine it plays very similarly within the clubhouse. Gibby, the softbellyed players coach that he is, gives numerous votes of confidence and publicly backs his players at almost all costs. The players love him and enjoy his support. JP, however, is a realist. Despite the abuse often heaped upon him, he is a good GM that has improved the team and gotten out from under some horrible contracts. He speaks for the organization, and they are always looking to get a proper return on their investment.

So JP is the visionary and Gibbons is the patsy, assembling his lineup at the whim of the higher ups. In exchange for his dignity, Gibby gets to call JP a cocksucker behind closed doors, and play the "assholes in management/suits upstairs" card with a player once the writing is on the wall. It seems to work, as most players enjoy the atmosphere and rave about the organization.

I believe most of this back-and-forth to be a highly choreographed dance for the sake of little more than optics. Much has been written about JP's casual relationship with the truth and barely masked disdain for the ink-stained wretches who tail his team around the continent. We fans clamber for truth (not that we'd know what we'd do with), raising our ire when we feel deceived or unappreciated, as though we'd been considered at any point during the proceedings. Not that anyone would care were there a parade scheduled for late October.

Perfect Game?

Not really, but I suppose for 6 innings of today's rain shortened affair, the Yankees staff were indeed perfect after facing 15 Jay hitters in total, retiring them all.

With one out and Vernon Wells at the plate in the Jays half of the second inning, the rains came and put the game on hold for over an hour. When the teams returned to resume play, none of the starters were left in the lineup other than DH Frank Thomas. Mike Wilner mentioned that this was the third time in their history they've been on the wrong end of a perfect game, two of them having occurring in Spring Training. Though there was a hint of sarcasm in his voice, this doesn't really count in my opinion.

Roy Halladay is scheduled to pitch three innings tomorrow when the Jays and their scorching bats take on the Phillies beginning at 1:05pm. I wonder if any team has ever gone two games in a row without ever getting a base runner? Somehow I doubt it, but I'm not going to waste my time googling that shit right now either.

On a completely separate note, it would appear Roger Clemens will know by week's end if he is to face federal charges of perjury for his statements regarding his alleged use of performance enhancing drugs in front of Congress. I find it completely baffling that the United States Congress is devoting time and resources to determine whether or not some overpaid idiot athletes used drugs. Call me crazy, but I'm quite sure there are more pressing issues facing the States right now. In the end doesn't the responsibility lie with MLB to ensure the legitimacy of their sport?

Fuck, whatever...........

Silent Protest

Me thinks the HGH sniffing monkeys won't spend too much time around the Nat's complex.


And people say baseball players aren't athletes.

Good thing the Jays don't have any players that loo....never mind.

Resurrection

Rocco doesn't rehab, he lies in wait. Like a predatory animal, or a fat guy at a cheap Floridian buffet.

As a certain prodigious blogger/fantasy juggernaut mockingly pointed out in the comment section earlier this week, Rocco played showed the Jays mercy by allowing them to hold him to an 0 for 2. Mr. Hale used the world "glum" to describe Rocco's quotes from the article, but I prefer focused.

While the article goes to the painful extent of interviewing a man I once referred to as "gossamer-tendoned" to provide a insight into one's view of the world from the disabled list, Rocco's injuries tend to be of the freak and/or nagging order. This spring finds both sides saying All the Right Things regarding his slow process, but the team is giving it the full blown kitten gloves treatment. Rocco the DH is incredibly depressing, and if his fate is to waste at least two of his five tools I may just have to find a new "fantasy sleeper."

Back on the planet where properly adjusted humans live, the Jays - Reds spring training game today was the center ring act of a CityTV circus. Spring training sucks enough as is. It requires a certain level of dedication to turn something simply boring and mundane into a trainwreck of epic proportions. It would also seem that Drunk Jays Fans isn't just a clever name.

0-3 is it time to panic?

Fuck no.

Ryan Ketchner will require new sheets in his bed however. The Jays dropped their 3rd game in a row to start the spring, but all in all there were some good things that came out of today. Dustin McGowan threw two scorless innings of two hit ball as did Casey Janssen. Really I could care less how Ryan Ketchner threw the ball. We all know big things are expected of McGowan after a quality second half last season.

The Jays haven't accomplished much at the plate this spring, but if you're worried about that after just 3 spring training games, maybe you should re-evaluate the way you look at the game. I'm looking forward to seeing how A.J. Burnett pitches tomorrow when the Jays take on the Reds. I don't know what everyone else thinks, but I believe he has the stuff to put together a great season if he can somehow stay healthy the whole way.

I haven't really been able to decide who I'd rather see as the fifth starter this season and to be honest still am unsure. However, I'm starting to think it's going to be Janssen to start the season anyway. I don't think Litsch is neccessarily a bad choice either, it's just a hunch I have.

By the way, baseball kicks serious fucking ass.