Thursday, March 19, 2009

Sympathy for the White Devil

Larry Jones is the kind of American that makes a great deal of Canadians very, very uncomfortable. He says things that urban liberal Torontoians would never say, enjoys morally dubious activities we've all decided are barbaric and cruel. We get to pat ourselves on the back for being so cosmopolitan cool and cultured. His comments were short sighted of course, and I get my back up quickly to defend my city's honor.

Cathal Kelly's comedy piece in the Star was funny and all, because Ol'Chip is about as wide a target as you can draw. But there is something about a humour piece like that running in a widely circulated newspaper that makes me a little uncomfortable.

Consider if you will: Dave Connolly of the Baltimore Sun catches up with former O Erik Bedard, asks him about his experience in Bodymore. Erik replies:
I didn't really feel safe there, not for one minute. The people are rude, somewhat ignorant, the downtown's a dump, the traffic sucks, and there isn't much to do outside of Best Buy and the Googoplex.
Baltimore denizens unite in anger, mocking Erik's snooty attitude and loudly express their civic pride.

A few days later BaltSun reporter Jeff Zrebiec writes a piece detailing a "Jour Dans La Vie" of Erik Bedard. It's full of HILARIOUS jokes about cheese, not showering, being better than everybody else in the world, and comedically-sized coins that don't fit in any of the soda machines.

Would this in any way be acceptable? Would it be funny? Would a crude stereotype of a French Canadian (or any Canadian), a Colombian player (he kidnapped the scout's family, they HAD to sign him!), or a black southern player (BJ Upton hates that he can't ghostride his whip down Yonge Street) be fit for print in a large newspaper? No, it wouldn't. But Chipper's white, and Southern, and chooses to live his life as he does. So it's OPEN SEASON, usually Chipper's favorite time of year.

As Canadians, we get to have it both ways. We get to lampoon Chipper for being the toothless rube he obviously is, and we would look down our noses at the ignorant Americans if they gall to string ass-backwards sentences together in such a boorish manner.

So fuck Chipper, but fuck ghettoizing an entire quadrant of their country. Jesus Christ, have you ever BEEN to Alberta?


  1. Yes. I only got about halfway through that article before shutting it down.

    I'm also pretty happy you didn't close with "Jesus Christ, have you ever BEEN to Winnipeg?"

    Because that wouldn't have been cool, dude.

  2. Cathal's piece was his attempt at making a "Day in the Existence of Roy Halladay". It just couldn't measure up.

  3. "Day in the Existence of Roy Halladay" is one of the best blog posts I've ever read. That sounds like sarcasm but I swear it's not.

  4. I didn't think much of it when I read it. It was what it was. Like you said, Chipper's too easy a target. But now that you mention it, I don't know how I feel about it. In the grand scheme of things is it a big deal? Probably not.

    But I found it kind of symbolic. It was more bloggish, if you know what I mean. And perhaps that's the way even papers like The Toronto Star are going. And perhaps that's a good thing.

    And, in light of the other comments, I would have to agree, "A Day in the Existence of Roy Halladay" needs to be framed. Or it needs to be in the sports blogging hall of fame. Best blog post, ever.

  5. You fellas are too kind.

    You're right, it's isn't a big deal and Chipper certainly wasn't offended. But I would have been if something along those lines ran in the AJC.

  6. Ok, I'm just saying this, maybe from a woman's perspective. But making fun of white men is ok because they are in charge. White mouth breathers, prob more so.

    It doesn't mean open season on Latinos, or black guys or French Canadians. Or women. All of those groups have faced a certain amount of persecution, or trials or injustices. So mocking them is pushing them back down. And a sportswriter (who are mostly men) doing it would be Goliath kicking David.

    But name an injustice that white men have face that wasn't self-inflicted in some way? Americans let a white mouth breather run their country into the ground.

    Humour is subjective. It just is. Anyway, well written, Lloyd.

  7. I laughed, especially his trying to compare Toronto to Las Vegas. I'm not going to lie, the only city that is like Las Vegas is Las Vegas. Oh and I thouroughly enjoyed "toothless rube".


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