Hey Travis, Have You Met My Sister?

So Mr. Snider, how are you adjusting to life in Toronto? On the field it looks like you are adjusting pretty fucking well, but it's tough to move to a new city alone at such a young age. Good thing there are lots of other kids your age consenting adults in the same boat. Well not really the same boat, as you make $400 000 dollars a year to play baseball while most of them beg for $4500 bucks from OSAP. But still, you have the same opportunity that they do: destroying tonnes of strange ass. Let me tell you Sniderman, it isn't all it's cracked up to be. What you need is a steady influence in your life. Like my sister.

Sure, she's older than you, shrill, and opinionated. Yes, she is a cat person, why do you ask? Seriously though, she'd be perfect for you. She just moved out of our parent's house at the age of 27, so desperation is setting in. She'll do anything, AN-EE-THING. If she gets drunk at a family function, she'll end up telling you all about it. While that may have been horrifying and permanently scarring for me, it's different for you because you aren't related to her. The girls I've known are surely somebody's sister? Right?

Anyway Travis, I think you should really consider taking her out and consider joining the Moseby clan. For your sake, not mine. I'm not interested in financial gain or the opportunity to make inappropriate suggestions to you when my sister (your wife) is passed out at the annual Moseby family weenie roast. I'm just looking out for you. Plus, she looks just like me, so you know she's a stunner!