Friday, February 22, 2008

Postcards from the Edge

A few quick dispatches from the interwebs before the weekend takes us away to that special place.

Neate from Out of Left Field does a yeoman's work over at Deadspin today as he was tasked with the Jays season preview. Usually Deadspin season previews turn into a self-pitying festival of tears, but Neate does us all proud by saying "Fuck you, we're just fine" as well as adding a few good digs at Snakeoil Godfrey.

Vernon Wells realized the true value of his multi-year deal with the Jays yesterday. He doesn't have to face Roy Halladay. Halladay provided Vernon with a fecal moustache that left his knees swaying in the breeze. Wells then took the opportunity to try out some material for his upcoming HBO special.
    "He's a fairly decent pitcher," deadpanned Wells. "I think he'll probably have a fairly good year this year. He has a pretty good chance. He has decent stuff and he works fairly hard. He's got a chance in life."
A conservative estimate would put Halladay on or near 30 wins this season. Fuck you Denny McLain.

Ichiro reported to spring training determined to reaffirm his status as the preeminent lyrical gangster on two hemispheres. This week, when asked about the prospect of playing between two corner outfielders with first to third times best clocked by sun dial, Ichiro dropped some science:
    If the other corner outfielders have too much speed and too much ability and try to do too much, it's hard for me.
Ichiro is like a Japanese Clooney.

Prince Fielder decided to get 1000% more awesome by going vegetarian. As someone who has been referred to as a "veggie eatin' queer" more times than I can count, I support Prince's decision. I'm also slightly relieved that the Brewers aren't coming to town this year. It is already hard enough to get a veggie dog at the House that My Text Messages BuiltBought.


Send forth the witticisms from on high