Monday, March 17, 2008

Welcome to the Terrordome

Good Guys Don't Wear White
With Ted and the boys dutifully rolling out the red carpet for any and all division rivals this year, I propose that we dedicated Jay fans adopt "Welcome to the Terrordome" as our unofficial slogan for the year.

This has nothing to do with Dave Zirin's screed about politics and sport, but much more to do with turning the sterile, excessively Canadian Rogers Centre into a wholly more interesting place. There are rules, once unwritten but obviously blog-fodder for 10 years, related to attending a baseball game. And it is up to us, the learned and/or elitist scholars to ensure proper ballpark decorum and "etiquette" is observed.

Too often I see people doing some of the most self-absorbed and mindless shit at the Rogers Centre. The number one atrocity is moving around while the ball is in play. This is UNACCEPTABLE. These pricks need to be shouted down on sight, and constantly reminded of their status as pariahs.

Leaving early? Not without an earful. Cheering more for a free t-shirt than the on-field action? Jeers are your reward.

Booing an important former Jay that now plays for the opposing team? Not only does this showcase your stunning lack of knowledge, it makes Toronto look like a second-rate, minor league backwater. An unfortunate stereotype that Leaf fans have long been guilty of perpetuating. An important moment in Ghostrunner history involved El Leal and I at a Jays - Angels game in 2004 (Alex Rios' first in the bigs!) The Angel's firstbase coach was none other than Alfredo fucking Griffin. We, along with two other guys in our section, stood and applauded in appreciation for the former Rookie of the Year.

If someone is wearing the opposing team's hat/jersey, it is incumbent on you to openly question their motivation/sexuality. If they are from out of town, it is your duty to insult and degrade their place of origin. If they are from the area, any and all bandwagoneer barbs are in play, and you are well within your rights to alert them of their failings as a human for the entire game. The score shouldn't matter, but use your better judgment. "At least I'm not from ________" is always in season. Make those Saskatoban's hate Toronto for a reason!

I am not going to rattle off a list of ballpark crimes and misdemeanors, I am merely encouraging all of us to break from our Canadian shell of deference and accommodation and show a proper level of hostility toward the perpetrators. Violence is not the solution, so we must fight through our alcohol-induced haze and make criminals the subject of intense levels of mockery and public derision.

Whiny girls complain about the having to play in the AL east, but as JP says "this is our reality." The team is well within its rights to capitalize on traveling fans, but we certainly don't have to lay down for these dogs. Just remember:



  1. Sage points, but I for one have no qualms with jeering certain ex-Jays. Carlos Delgado deserves an ovation, but you'll see me shed no tears for Clemens or Wells.

  2. Important ex-Jays are the key distinction. Although I gave Mike Sirotka a standing O when he delivered my pizza on time.


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