Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Chacin Loses Job He Never Had

In the most predictable story of the day, Jays manager John Gibbons announced that Gustavo Chacin has bony girl arms and won't be a member of the rotation when camp breaks (no word on whether or not he smells like an elephant's butt, only FAN morning show hacks know for sure.) This information was presented in a decidedly non-Blue Jays, straight forward manner. Which of course means it was known to be fact about three weeks ago by those that matter.

In a related news item, I've sadly been let go from my position writing for the New Yorker. It is tough to take at this stage of my fake career, but I relish the opportunity to improve my dick joke strength and location in the minor leagues.

This Chacin announcement comes on the heels of a missed start and more serious concerns about Casey Janssen's health. Luckily, Brandon League is throwing smoke and making believers out of everyone (else) thus far this spring. Merry Christmas Gingerfreakshow, you've fallen ass-backwards into a job.

But wait, there's less! Ol'Rusty Adams has been optioned to Triple A. Despite coming to camp looking like an extra from 300, Adams found it most difficult to bulk up the "baseball skill and ability" muscle group. The market for a jack-of-all-trades who lacks at each and every trade isn't too lively, so this looks like the end of Rusty's days shuttling between Toronto and Da Cuse. Shoulda been you, Inglett.

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