- Uninformed pontificator + hackneyed gimmick - accountability = I'M A GENIUS!
Up now, the toughest division in baseball - the AL Central.
The Tigers are a class team, though bullpen questions could dog them if Todd "The Mustache" Jones succumbs to age and returns to his gold plot. None of these teams appear to be truly awful, something you can't say about most other divisions. The Jays rotation seems to match up well against these teams, provided they learn how to win on the road.
|Detroit Tigers - Walls of Jericho|
|This team figures to bludgeon all that oppose them, leaving a trail of broken and bloodied bodies in their cruel wake. They also lead the league in fat guys. Miguel Cabrera could be among league leaders in slugging, RBI and appearances at Krispy Kreme. Walls of Jericho write comically heavy and entertaining mosh exercises. They too will beat you into a bloody daze, but the main bludgeoner is a lot better looking than Jim Leyland.|
|Cleveland Indians - Ringworm|
|More punishing offense, more punishing hardcore played and preferred by fat guys. This team will score many runs, but won't get nearly as many people out as Detroit. Can Carmona repeat last season's success? More importantly, who has the best nickname in Cleveland? Is it Pronk or the Human Furnace? I'm pretty sure Human Furnace is as badass a nickname as exists in the world.|
|Chicago White Sox - Lupe Fiasco|
|No one in Chicago gives a shit about the White Sox, or their World Series win. Steve Perry is the only one to benefit from that season. They play in a boring ballpark in a brutal neighbourhood. They have a solid team that, while improved by the addition of Nick Swisher and Orlando Cabrera, is rapidly aging and will likely lack the pitching to compete in this robust division. The Cool is an outstanding achievement of a second record. Sadly, Lupe will never turn as many heads as Kayne West.|
|Kansas City Royals - The Get Up Kids||I was all ready to pan the Royals, make a few jokes about decades of ineptitude and then be on my way. Except that this Royals team won't be dreadful, and are in a very similar position to Tampa Bay, minus the sexy pick status. They are still a couple years away, but they seem to be building something. Spare the bastards that sit here all summer your pity. The Get Up Kids changed popular music whether you want to admit it or not. They are one of the only bands I know of from Kansas City. They have "kids" in their name. The Royals are young. Leave me alone.|
|Minnesota Twins - The Replacements||Prepare yourself, cause here we go with a whole boatload of hackneyed shtick!|
|How will the Twins "replace" Johan Santana? How will |
Next week: the Al East. Which band would you like to see represent the Jays?