Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Fed Considers Interest Rate Cut to Combat Burnett Inflation

With the United States plunging deeper into recession, Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke stated today that he would consider cutting interest rates to combat inflationary factor AJ Burnett. The mercurial starter picked up his 16 win of the season last night, a new career high. Many leading economists see Burnett's 2008 performance as a "contract year mirage" and similar to the subprime mortgage crisis.

Many teams stand to be at risk for payment default, as AJ's career peripheral numbers are at career worsts, yet his won-loss record is at a career high. "It is a bull market for pitching right now, and this guy is pumping his value to unseen heights. Some deep pocketed owner is going to fall into the same trap as the mid-level banks. The promise of endless interest payments and 13 strikeout performances one day, elbow strains and Chapter 11 the next."

Noted baseball mind Alan Greenspan had this to say on the matter
Junk bonds have undone many an investor, and not-quite blue chipper Burnett is poised to break hearts. Top economic minds recognize a pitcher being bailed out by his offence, but there is always some cowboy drunk on the sexy risk involved, ready to ignore fiduciary restraint.
Free agent-to-be Ben Sheets refused to comment on Burnett's emergence, stating a market correction was inevitable.

1 comment:

Send forth the witticisms from on high