Thursday, May 1, 2008

Bullpen Free Drifter

Roy Halladay slowly saunters off the mound, facing his third loss in a row. Halladay has pitched complete games in each of these outings. He just don't get no support. He is a stranger in his own town, a drifter born to walk alone. None of his teammates can offer any consolation, nobody knows the trouble he's seen. Halladay slumps down in front of his locker while the entire team gathers around, unsure of what to do or say.

Long Arm of the Arnsberg: [after Halladay blows up the Red Sox and but suffers the loss] What the hell happened?

Roy Halladay: Somebody left the door open but not a single damn dog came home.

Mayor Rolen: Be careful. You're a man who makes people afraid, and that's dangerous.

Halladay: It's what people know about themselves inside that makes 'em afraid. [The Starter exhales deeply, looks forlorn] I don't know if I can do this anymore.

High Plains Gibby: See here, you can't turn all these people out into the AL East alone! It is inhuman, brother. Inhuman!

Halladay: I'm not your brother.

High Plains Gibby: We're a team, we're all brothers in the eyes of JP.

Halladay: All these people are your brothers and sons?

Gibby: They most certainly are.

Halladay: ...Then you won't mind if they jump on your back, will ya? You can carry this team without receiving any run support.

Bench Coachin Butterfield: Well, I been needin' to talk with you; now's as good a time as any. About Vernon Wells.

Halladay: Don't know the man.

Butterfield: Well, you missed your chance. You shot him so full of cut eye yesterday; he shriveled right up into a ball and died.

High Plains Gibby: We need you to go out there again Roy, in just a few days.

Halladay: I'd love to oblige you. But a man's got to get his rest sometime.

Gibby: Oblige me?

Halladay: But I tell you what, if you'd come back in about 3 days, I'll see what I can do, all right?

Little Jesse Litsch: What happens after Roy? What happens after we pitch and pitch and we still lose? What do we do when the game is over, we haven't come out and we pitched our guts out? What do we do when it's over?

Halladay: Then you live with it.

1 comment:

Send forth the witticisms from on high