Friday, June 20, 2008

Pirates Announce Signing of Barry Bonds

Taking a cue from their weekend opponents; the Pirates have attempted to capture the spirit of their 1992 National League Eastern Division championship team by brining back a key member.

"We saw the Jays were making a calculated, grandstanding move with an eye towards gate receipts and thought, why not us?" GM Neal Huntington stated in during the crazed press conference. "Sure, we have a young and cost-effective team, but consumer confidence is at an all time low. We needed to ensure casual fans yelp with delight at a familiar name our dedicated fanbase sees that we are moving in a positive direction."

With the Detroit Tigers sputtering along, many pundits have wondered if Jim Leyland's job is in jeopardy. "We'd love to have Jim come back here. Obviously he's still under contract somewhere else. But if he became available, he's welcome to smoke up a storm in our beautiful new dugouts."

When asked about the Jays naming Cito Gaston their new manager, the Pirates headman stifled a laugh. "Really? He hasn't worked in a decade! Amazing."


Send forth the witticisms from on high